Discussion Are you proud of yourself in any way at all?

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not sure that I am really. Sometimes, I'm pleased with certain aspects of my work. It's more relief when I meet deadlines. I suppose I try to take a pride in my work- I set standards for myself but then, I don't exactly feel pride if I happen to reach them.

Other areas of life, I have a distinct lack of pride and self respect. Both my appearance and living environment are very shoddy.

I think my abhorrent experience growing up with a (suspected) narcissist made me really dislike the entire attribute of being pleased with yourself. But then, that's not exactly healthy. It means little is actually all that satisfying. There's no big sense of reward when you do achieve. There again, I'm lucky not to hate myself either. Not anymore anyway.

I suppose continuing to live for others when really, you just want to die- is something you could feel proud about. But then, I know I'm not very generous towards others. Is that something else you do also? Become more drawn to your faults? But then, I do little to rectify them so- that isn't altruistic. It's just there.

What's your experience? Do certain attributes or achievements bring you a sense of pride? Do you wish you had more or less of it? Does it make a difference if other people say they are proud of you?

I've actually been lucky in that I have had family who've expressed they are proud of me. Obviously, that's so much nicer than the opposite. But, my response (in my head anyway) tends to be- 'meh- that's nice.' But then followed by- I probably don't deserve it!

Plus, while it's nice, it doesn't make life any easier. Actually, it just perpetuates a standard I need to maintain. As in- 'I'm proud of you because you have a job. I'm proud of you because you're independent. I'm proud of you for not acting up. I'm proud of you for complying.' Effectively.

What are your feelings/ experiences?

 

[itsgone2]

In hindsight no I'm not proud of anything. I've made so many bad decisions. I've had accomplishments but overall they're pretty weak in the grand scheme of things.
It's why I'm here. A mountain of regret. It negatively impacted others. I desperately want a second chance, to live the life I should have lived.

 

[moonmuse]

aww its sweet to have a supportive family it is something i dream of often but like people mostly will love u for a condition u know like nothing is free not even love someone is paying.

and if u are a man theres a saying that i remember that only dogs, women and children are loved unconditionally men are loved only under a condition which i think is true to some extent..what u think bud?

 

[_Gollum_]

I think I'm proud of myself for achieving my goal to start university at 16, move out at 18, and spend the last two years of university not working. But honestly that was the last "goal" I really ever had, so ever since, I can't say I've done anything that gives me pride. I've done a lot of things since then that give me shame and failure, however.

But in any case, I'm a determinist so, looking back, I don't see any reason to feel proud of myself for achieving that goal. I didn't do it through sheer force of will, I didn't overcome obstacles: I just had the right genetics and circumstances to achieve it. If circumstances out of my control had been different, I wouldn't have been able to do it, and if my genetics had been different (ex. giving me a personality that was not capable of foresight), I wouldn't have been able to do it. And in that sense, there's also no use in feeling shame over what happened after, because that was also just genetics and circumstances.

and if u are a man theres a saying that i remember that only dogs, women and children are loved unconditionally men are loved only under a condition which i think is true to some extent..what u think bud?

I don't think unconditional love exists in this human world; if it does, though, it certainly isn't determined by gender. You could easily make the argument for either side: women are conditionally loved for their appearance, men are conditionally loved for what resources they provide, etc. etc.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I'm proud of myself for achieving my goal to start university at 16, move out at 18, and spend the last two years of university not working. But honestly that was the last "goal" I really ever had, so ever since, I can't say I've done anything that gives me pride. I've done a lot of things since then that give me shame and failure, however.

But in any case, I'm a determinist so, looking back, I don't see any reason to feel proud of myself for achieving that goal. I didn't do it through sheer force of will, I didn't overcome obstacles: I just had the right genetics and circumstances to achieve it. If circumstances out of my control had been different, I wouldn't have been able to do it, and if my genetics had been different (ex. giving me a personality that was not capable of foresight), I wouldn't have been able to do it. And in that sense, there's also no use in feeling shame over what happened after, because that was also just genetics and circumstances.

I don't think unconditional love exists in this human world; if it does, though, it certainly isn't determined by gender. You could easily make the argument for either side: women are conditionally loved for their appearance, men are conditionally loved for what resources they provide, etc. etc.

Starting university at 16 is pretty phenomenal I would say. So- to be at degree level then? Did you take A levels prior then? I guess every country is slightly different. I have known it though. Someone sitting an A Level at 16. Very impressive. Did it bring you pride at the time at least?

 

[Namelesa]

Only thing I am consistently proud of myself of is appearance I guess, tho I don't really find pride in that when I didn't really do much to achieve this as its been mostly relied on genetics and on parents to get me hormones and clothing. I am sometimes feel proud of my game development but thats only sometimes when I have done large amount of work in a day. I can also sometimes feel pride for helping someone emotionally and comforting them. Others have expressed being proud of me tho I feel like from most people that doesn't make sense (especially my parents)

 

[Forever Sleep]

aww its sweet to have a supportive family it is something i dream of often but like people mostly will love u for a condition u know like nothing is free not even love someone is paying.

and if u are a man theres a saying that i remember that only dogs, women and children are loved unconditionally men are loved only under a condition which i think is true to some extent..what u think bud?

I'm female as it happens but, not sure really. Men do certainly have a lot of pressures put on them but, I tend to agree with Gollum that most love tends to be conditional. Do people 'love' a child that is acting up on an airoplane? Maybe a baby they might forgive but I suspect a lot would happily throttle the child! And the parents.

Women are sometimes despised for all sorts of reasons. Some attributes that are admired in a man may not actually be all that appealing in a woman- to some. Some men might actually feel intimidated or affronted by a woman with a lot of money or power. I suspect we all have roles we are encouraged to comply to.

Plus, we all have our own preferences. Some women love guys who are massively dependent on them- that they end up mothering. Other women find that weak and unappealing. Same goes for strong or weak women- men have their preferences just the same.

But, no. I don't feel any universal love or allowances for all women. Maybe some- the pretty, young, thin ones but certainly not all. In fact- if you don't happen to comply, you'll sometimes be met by revulsion.

Maybe children we are more forgiving towards because, there's that idea of naivity and innocence. Any major flaw there, we'll more likely be looking to blame on the parent.

 

[moonmuse]

ig you are right

 

[Pluto]

 

[EmptyBottle]

Cool cat pic.

I'm in between, proud I made some chat site with cool users, and learn a lot of cool tech stuff (almost fixed a spare linux install, wish me and my web searching can fully fix it and have the spare windows 11 available)

Tho would like to focus better in assignments and similar, and feel less annoyed about some ppl irl at some times.

 

[_Gollum_]

Starting university at 16 is pretty phenomenal I would say. So- to be at degree level then? Did you take A levels prior then? I guess every country is slightly different. I have known it though. Someone sitting an A Level at 16. Very impressive. Did it bring you pride at the time at least?

People tend to think I'm very intelligent because I accomplished that but really it was just because I went to a specialized secondary school where you could do your work at your own pace, and I just happened to be someone who liked school and who was good at planning ahead and time management. I also did not have any semblance of a social life and I was perfectly content that way -- another genetic abnormality. So I was able to dedicate a lot of time to schoolwork and go through the curriculum pretty quickly.

There's no equivalent to A Levels in Canada; if your grades in secondary school are good enough for your chosen university, you just go straight from high school to university (except in Quebec). But as a result, university is usually 4 years here, not 3. So I got my Bachelor's degree at age 20.

It did initially bring me pride but even then, I wasn't really able to feel positive emotions that intensely, so it wasn't a huge deal. I guess it felt good to be "accomplished" though at such a young age. Came back to bite me in the ass when I started working full-time at 20 years old without having had any of the social experiences that my peers had had. And once you enter the workforce, it becomes very difficult to have those experiences. I realized too late that those social experiences were ultimately more important than whatever pride I may have had from my academic accomplishments.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Sometimes I'm proud of my resilience, in a way. I learned that I can just keep going through hell without physically breaking down or mentally collapsing. But I have nothing to proud of, because it's not from strength or superpowers. I really feel like I burned out years ago and realized I was somehow still functioning. I've been basically dead for years. Can't kill or threaten or destroy someone who's already dead, burned to powder, crushed and blown away in the wind.

 

[slitwristsbleedcold]

absolutely not tbh, everything i did in my life was ultimately useless and every decision only made it worse, i have nothing to show, I'm very...idk, useless ig?

 

[R-7]

There was a time when I was but for some pretty low importance reasons. I used to draw and I do feel like there were times when I did good with that. I also used to be a D&D dungeon master and the players in our group seemed to really like what I had made at the time so it was good to entertain folks in that way.

Unfortunately my depression has gotten so bad that I have long since left that stuff behind me.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Not really. If I think about what actually matters in life (things like being a loving person, or being altruistic or community oriented without hope of anything in return etc) then I'm failing pretty badly. I don't think it's a great idea to take pride in personal achievements because ultimately these are quite "empty." If I'm highly educated for example, big woop - so are millions of others and educational institutions have been dumbed down like crazy anyway. Or let's say I make great money - who really cares except me?

Maybe deriving pride or pleasure from hobbies is a little more pure, but even then those tend to be fairly insular and you could only really pat yourself on the back if you show off in that context. Again, kind of a lame way to experience pride if you ask me.