are you mentally ill or not?

[evolutionerror]

I don't know what I am. I've never been evaluated or diagnosed with anything but I feel like something is wrong. Part of me doesn't want to know, but I definitely don't consider myself "normal".

 

[PressEnterToExit]

Hmm, tough question. I would consider most of society mentally unhealthy, but that's just because society is shit to people so I guess not. Criteria of whether or not they can live daily lives is good, I guess. What about people that are happy but that make a mess of their lives?

So hmm:
Family think I'm mentally ill, but they're horribly abusive, lying narcissists that mainly only care about themselves.
Doctors/psych think I'm not besides some social anxiety and say my family is toxic.
I think I have PTSD and life is a struggle, so by this criteria I suppose I am, but I consider myself in some 3rd state, not mentally ill like others because I'm fairly rational and self-ware but still broken because of invisible barriers & tribulations to progress.

I'm not a good model for a suicidal person. Have been feeling suicidal in almost forever but survival instincts are too strong.
I struggle with being alive, I manage mainly because I don't have many daily tasks and I'm financially adept.
In terms of "Do I think it's "crazy" for me to be suicidal?" - I'd have to say no, but I assume everyone would think that, I do believe it though. My life's awful, I have no future. There's not much reason to be alive and I never feel like I can find happiness, which is basically a good relationship to me.

I'm going to vote "no" even though I struggle and broken. Maybe that's my pride, lol. Going with my instinctual vote. I've survived many dangerous social situations and physical confrontations, somehow, so I have at least that.

I don't understand how can you be saying you'll never have a happy relationship. You're a girl very good looking. I think you are too negative darling.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I don't understand how can you be saying you'll never have a happy relationship. You're a girl very good looking. I think you are too negative darling.

Looks don't have anything to do with a happy/good relationship. The opposite actually, e.g. what if the other person is only interested in your looks.
A lot of things don't. I found the perfect person and they ctb. I'm generally unlucky in love anyway.

 

[ksp]

i keep reading many of your comments (not just in this tread) where you don't have a problem putting yourselves down - this a good sign: you are humble! but you keep doubting and not trusting yourselves:

i am not mentally ill and i want to die - my life is unbearable!

—-
like Suicidebydeath put it: 'I would consider most of society mentally unhealthy'

and like Nessie so aptly put it: 'I am very sad because my life is shit, not because my brain is "unbalanced" for no reason'
—-

so, to my point: 'i'm depressed because my life is shit', and not 'my life is shit BECAUSE of my depression' !

-> my conclusion: most of you have philosophical reasoning, and not mental illness

---

Yes definitely mentally ill

that may be (don't know for sure), but if that is the case i'm sorry for you having to suffer beyond philosophical reasoning - i know my life is unbearable enough, even without any other complications

---

The problem is we as a society have decided that anyone that wants to commit suicide is automatically sick

i agree with ALL your points - there are a lot of subjects i'd like to discuss with you, hopefully through more manageable chunks

---

I have been diagnosed as Mentally ill with PTSD & ASPD But can do basic tasks because I have to and am able to function in society by putting on a convincing front!

'convincing front' i like this!

'Mentally ill with PTSD & ASPD' - don't really care about labels

don't really about doctors, not because they're stupid, but because they are working in a 'factory', constantly overworked, underpaid, and when you're chasing deadlines your ideals and passions get forgotten…

even brilliant doctors get to a point where they just need to get a break, and take care of their own lives
especially today's life, what matters is solving all issues, however superficially (quantity, and not quality)

my point: can you be part of a miserable society, or is your own life unbearable, even with some peace and quiet?

---

to be continued…

 

[Brick In The Wall]

There should probably be more voting options here. Mental illness is never so cut and dry. I'm sure most of us struggle with mental illness on some level but are forced to function in ways just to "survive."

 

[SarRy]

I don't know how to answer this. Is it mental illness if it affects ability to function and can't be changed? What if there is no "start" and it's just how a person is? Regardless, if someone suffers from mental illness, then that affects their quality of life and still might lead them to rationally decide their life isn't livable. The idea that a mentally ill person can't make rational choices about their circumstances is horrendous and offensive. There are many discussions to be had about "functionality" or the label and ratings of being functional. Even philosophical arguments have a certain lacking. Even if the general essence of life were philosophically tainted, that wouldn't matter to a person who enjoys their life.

Why isn't it all talked about in simple terms. People who are unhappy with their lives and see no hope for change want to die. Period. There might be various reasons why they are unsatisfied. They might be encouraged to try as many things as possible to remedy their issues. But, if life is harsh and cannot be changed, then it seems obvious that they would try to end it. It's really not that deep. It's not complicated, it's just harsh. Much like reality.

 

[Musichater]

I'm suffering from persistent clinical depression but only a few closest people know about my condition because I've learned how to feign normalcy and somehow am getting better at this. I can function with no problem so long as the trigger isn't present, but that doesn't mean I'm fine. So, yes, I consider myself mentally ill.

 

[ksp]

I have had mental health issues from day one…

'I would consider most of society mentally unhealthy'.
i think you are simply unhappy, and for my criteria you are well, but life becomes more and more unbearable (some daysmore, others less). but mostly, i think your reasons are mostly philosophical

---

there are more, and more rational and intelligent answers in this thread (!) and it's becoming unmanageable

know this: whatever you may think, even contradicting my initial premises - i respect ALL your opinions!

i will try to respond to your thoughts, however i'm having some 'technical' issues:

i consider myself to be mentally healthy, but i recently had a stroke affecting my language/communication (not long ago i was unable to say ANY words, unable to read or write anything at all). now i can barely talk a few basic words, and it takes my 10 to 20 tries to spell complicated words (i'm extremely slow)

i just want to emphasize that i still want to commit philosophical suicide, and not based on my mental challenges, even if i am not able to function in society

 

[outrider567]

I've thought about this question a lot also- 'Am I crazy?'... I don't feel crazy, my thoughts don't feel crazy- but is that the crazy talking? My neighbour once went through a mental breakdown. (He wanted to sell all his possessions and go and live in a nearby park- to give you an example of his thinking at the time.) He said to him though- at that point- he felt like he'd seen the light. While I do actually agree with you that thoughts of suicide seem a logical response to living in a world like this, I can't help but wonder if that IS distorted thinking- if/ when the MAJORITY of people don't think this way.

According to your poll, I'm not mentally ill. I 'function' in society. I have a job and while I'm not great at looking after myself and my home- that's through laziness- not because I 'can't'. Personally I believe there are wide varying degrees of mental 'illness'. I do believe there are 'high functioning' mental 'illnesses' and I'm starting to wonder whether more and more people fall into this category. How many people in your workplace do you know who are struggling?

I guess my question is- 'How do you define a normal, sane person?' I guess I would argue that our 'default' primal brain ISN'T suicidal. We come from nature. Our primal urges are to survive and reproduce. The desire to live or die surely comes from our self awareness or consciousness. In which case- is there a 'srandard' or 'default' to our consciousness and is that default naturally positive? I suspect it is influenced by genetics- depression is known to be hereditary but it is vastly influenced by our experiences of the world. So- are our experiences of the world the same for everyone- surely not. I guess I do wonder if it is in fact our 'programming' that interprets the world which influences what we can and can't cope with. There are some people who have survived horrible lives but still have the resilience to want to carry on. There are others that seem to crumble at the slightest upset.

I do believe there are a myriad of mental illnesses- which do genuinely screw up our lives. However, I think a lot of the time- looking at maybe the just the practical side of things- we are asking what a person can INITIALLY cope with in their life before they get to the point where they become depressed- (at that point, I kind of wonder whether our perspective on life becomes negatively skewed.) That's going to be different for everyone. I guess I wonder then- whether it isn't necessarily mental 'illness' but our own brains individual ability to cope with trauma. Maybe resilience is just another ability we inherit to varying degrees. I suppose I do wonder whether some people are born with more positive, resilient, upbeat thinking brains. Which of course, would be further reinforced being brought up in an environment that was very upbeat and positive.

So then- is it mental 'illness' that comes along and buggers up our thinking or is it a brain that is more predisposed to thinking a certain way to begin with? In which case- that brain hasn't become 'ill'- it was perhaps formed with less of an ability to function in a world like this. I suppose after that, it is then more susceptible to getting trapped in negative thinking and negative behaviours which continually reinforce one another and end up exhibiting the signs of what we describe as illness.

'Inability to cope with trauma' yes, which as you say, does not mean mental illness--The trauma of loss in my case, endless trauma, with the only relief being a final action on my part

 

[spacehardware]

I have a diagnosed mental illness, have undergone therapy and been discharged from mental health services. I still struggle day to day in that aspect but nowhere near the extent that I did when I was very acutely unwell. My suicidality is different now, but I think I'm more likely to ctb now that I'm semi-recovered. Back then I was very impulsive, but also very conscious that I didn't want to regret my choices if things went wrong. Now, I know it isn't an impulse or an erratic decision or drastic solution for a temporary problem. I have other things going on, chronic illnesses, loneliness. I suppose my outlook is more philosophical now, as you put it. I trust my mind more these days to make the right decisions for me. It would be a measured, planned, choreographed, peaceful event, and I have more mental presence for that nowadays. When I was ill, if I had succeeded in ctb, it would have been by train, which I (me now, recovered) would never ever want to do to people. Recovered me is still exhausted with life, and I would not now attribute that to my mental illness.

 

[ksp]

No I just don't like people spying on me...

i really appreciate my privacy too, one of the reasons i like to be alone

---

I've thought about this question a lot also- 'Am I crazy?'... I don't feel crazy, my thoughts don't feel crazy

i really like the way you think; you have a lot of depth and we hope to interact more

but is that the crazy talking?

this is your life and your mind - no one else has the right to judge you, but yourself, or pretend to know what you're going through

however i think you have a very sharp mind, solid logic, and very good reasoning - what exactly makes you doubt yourself? i don't see anything obvious wrong in your mental ability, in fact, you have a lot of intelligent responses (on other threads), from what i've read until now

I'm not great at looking after myself and my home- that's through laziness- not because I 'can't'

me either, lol; i'm lazy :)

Personally I believe there are wide varying degrees of mental 'illness'.

this where we differ: I believe there are wide varying degrees of mental 'wellness'

'high functioning' - brilliant! i love the expression and i'll probably start using it myself:
i think the entire society is barely functioning, while 'putting on a convincing front' - another nice expression from LoneWolf

I guess I would argue that our 'default' primal brain ISN'T suicidal

exactly - our default setting is not suicidal, defined by SI; everything in nature make us fight extinction !
nature has a few hundred millions years before us, and it perfected all our natural instincts

our SI is extremely powerful - it has to fight the most powerful law in universes: entropy - everything dies, so nature keeps fighting against a dead universe; nature is surrounded by death, at least in our known universe - life is an anomaly, and it has to fight - it doesn't have a choice

i was going to make another thread titled: 'suicide is the most courageous act in life' !
because we are fighting an incredible powerful instinct - to most basic instinct in nature: survival

nature gifted us with another powerful gift: intelligence

our intelligence (through philosophy) is rejecting the misery of life: we are unable to find its purpose - everything, eventually dies

to summarize: there is a constant battle between life and death

entropy is 14 billion years old (13.787), life is about 4 billion years old (3.77 to 4.29), as far as we know

who do you think will win - life or universe?


went off on a tangent, sorry (but i'm open to continuing this subject, in another thread)


to continue:

The desire to live or die surely comes from our self awareness or consciousness…

brilliant, just brilliant !!
i believe i touched a bit on this amazing subject, unfortunately i don't think we have enough time and space to discuss it in this thread (my fault)

world filled with endless cruelty that will continue to exist as long as life exists and suffering is simply inevitable in life after all with the chance of things getting more unbearable for us at any moment. There are an unlimited amount of ways in which life can torture living beings.

i strongly believe you, and many other here, have incredible sharp minds, and able to provide extremely solid philosophical arguments!!!

i'm exhausted, and elated (communication is very difficult)

to be continued, on another thread…

---

I am abnormally tired/fatigued. Give info reaction If you feel the same. Or tell me how you feel in response, that is always better.

'abnormally' compared to previous life experiences? if so, there are obviously physical / neurological reasons for it

long duration, or just temporary?
(i'm not a neurologist / psychiatrist / psychologist, so i wouldn't be able to help much, sorry)

on my side, i'm not abnormally tired or fatigued more than usual - i'm just tired of life in general…

---

I don't think I am mentally ill but I do think I am mentally weak and susceptible to depression with a very low threshold of resilience… Easily overwhelmed with anxiety…

i like the way you phrased it!

i don't think you are mentally ill at all, just tired of the constant fight against this miserable life, just like everyone else in this world

also, being very intelligent is quite tiring - the sword has two edges; being smart has a strong tendency to bring you down…

---

I'm not enamored with my existence. I don't think I'm important

1. just curious: do you know anyone who's happy most of the time?
i'd venture to say that most people are 30% to 40% happy overall, with some obvious exceptions: extremely poor / extremely rich; some people have daily variations between 10% to 60%

2. i'm not important. most people are not important; some people have some delusions, but everyone eventually dies

we all are as important and relevant as the ants we step on (nature's perspective)

you are as important as you want to be, in your own eyes, but no one else's

That's not the case for most people.

'most people', 'abnormal' - says who? no one has a complete notion of 'normality', we are as varied as all the snowflakes that have ever existed in billions of years

I know that there's no good reason for me to be here.

i don't see the reasons for my existence either
i'm sorry you feel down…
i've accepted my misery, i'm just trying to have a relatively dignified exit

 

[actual_fox]

'abnormally' compared to previous life experiences? if so, there are obviously physical / neurological reasons for it

long duration, or just temporary?
(i'm not a neurologist / psychiatrist / psychologist, so i wouldn't be able to help much, sorry)

on my side, i'm not abnormally tired or fatigued more than usual - i'm just tired of life in general…

Well yes, and maybe It is depression- homelessness, lack of motivation

It is 2 years now or so. But I am not that bad, I am actually ok-not because I am happy with life but because I understand this is not where I belong (this life)

Good that you are not fatigued It would make things harder.

 

[43721]

do YOU consider yourself mentally ill, or not?

---

doctor's opinion not relevant: mental health is subjective (just like life), and current labels don't reflect reality

I think only 1% are truly mentally ill, and the rest of us are mostly healthy - most of the times, and sometimes are unhappy / sad / depressed / down / agitated / angry / not understood / melancholic, etc, but able to function

---

I'm trying to dispute the notion that suicidal people are automatically mentally ill

for example: I want to end my life because of purely philosophical reasons (philosophical suicide):

I'm not mentally ill
I don't have clinical depression
I didn't lose anyone close to me
I didn't lose the 'love' of my life
I didn't lose my job
I don't feel lonely (I like being alone)
I have some money
I am physically healthy
I am not particularly old (but not young either)
I don't hate everyone around me

I simply don't want to live
I'm just tired of existence
I don't accept human condition
life doesn't have a purpose
happiness is an impossibility - life is only measured in unhappiness: 100 to 1
perceived happiness is directly related to unhappines,

ie. current happiness is only based on previous unhappy experiences​

I think I am mentally ill.I have a long history with self harm & being suicidal and now I've got to the point where I avoid even washing myself or brushing my hair.I don't see the point in anything.I've lost interest in everything i I used to care about and I'm nothing but a burden and a problem to everyone that knows me.I can't function like a normal person at all.I can't even make a phone call to the doctors so I can get some medication that might help me with social anxiety/depression as it helped with these things in the past but I don't even believe it could help me anymore,when I was younger I had hope that I could get better,but I'm just becoming more and more hopeless as I get older.

 

[plotpoint]

I would have to say i do consider myself mentally ill. Im broke and constantly on new meds because of bipolar symptoms. Ive lost two grandparents in the last year (one from pnemonia the other from end stage kidney failure), lost my physical health, and i always feel alone no matter how many people i talk to. Ive been going to therapy since i was 7 and was abused for many years. I know you dont have to have a mental illness to be suicidal, but i personally do have those issues.

 

[Mia Wallace]

110%. I am depressed, anxious and an insomniac who is suicidal. I think that sums it up. I do manage to function in everyday life as far as working and such but I'm absolutely tired of it all and ready for it to end.

 

[ryo the frog]

we are exactly the same friend. In regards to day to day living I'm doing perfectly fine, I just really don't want to exist. really sucks how stigmatized the want to not be alive is. if I were to tell anyone 9.5/10 times they'd think I'm ill and want me to seek help or something.

 

[ksp]

No, I believe that in my case, wanting suicide is the rational response to seeing life for what it really is. I despise life, I view it as being an useless and pointless concept, there is nothing to be gained by existing instead there is only ways in which to suffer. I just view life as being tedious and I've never been able to understand why anyone would want to stay here.

Suicide is what makes sense for me, and anyway, it's preferable to leave this world at a time of my own choosing rather than it being at a time out of my control. Seeing non existence as being preferable to living is not a 'mental illness', I am not the problem, but rather life is. If there was no life then there would be no suffering anyway.

There is nothing appealing about ageing and eventually getting very old and deteriorating. That is all that life is, just waiting around to die so it makes sense to prevent pointless decades of endless misery and problems. I believe that it's irrational to want to exist in a world filled with endless cruelty that will continue to exist as long as life exists and suffering is simply inevitable in life after all with the chance of things getting more unbearable for us at any moment. There are an unlimited amount of ways in which life can torture living beings.

I find it disturbing how despite this people see suicide as being 'wrong' and continue to believe in delusions, denying the true horrifying nature of life. The truth is that for many people life could never be worth it and this fact should be respected.

FuneralCry: i've seen many of your posts before - i agree with your views: completely !
in fact i envy you because you expressed your thoughts long before me :)

that being said:

'wanting suicide is the rational response to seeing life for what it really is' - YOUR rationality, and YOUR reality
it just so happens that your views are very close to mine
don't push so much, and let others decide what's best for them
i also understand that this your defense mechanism, and frankly, you are coping very well
you and i, and most everyone here, are feeling trapped in this awful joke that is life

'I just view life as being tedious and I've never been able to understand why…' me too (preaching to the choir)

'Seeing non existence as being preferable…' preferable?!? you are being kind and civil
the most basic human right: i own my life, and my existence - self determination
other people that impose their views an me should be considered criminals: i don't impose my choice on anyone else, but myself. period!

'non existence' - i hope for non-existence, but we'll never know for sure - we don't have any proof one way or another, and i'm afraid we'll never know

actually, my worst nightmare would be if my consciousness would remain dormant somehow, for a few trillion years, with no notion of time, and waking up again, without continuity, no memory of my previous existence before (my current life), and then I'd have to be forced to start over from the beginning, and then repeat this cycle, et infinitum - unbearable

living is not a 'mental illness', I am not the problem, but rather life is - this is what i'm trying to convince everyone here - most of us are not mentally ill; i'm trying to convince society in general, but it going very slowly

I believe that it's irrational to want to exist - me too

I find it disturbing how despite this people see suicide as being 'wrong' and continue to believe in delusions - exactly

in the meantime we'll have to just help ourselves, at best of our abilities

---

…my life is hell. It's a death penalty…

i live in my own hell, and i just want it to end…
i'm sorry for what your going through !

'…there's a debate whether it's a mental illness…' i'm sorry about this - i can see the problem in my formulation of my initial question

'…Society has always hated us…' - i don't hate you: i deeply respect and admire you - you are going through tougher hardships

'…others being able to forbid you from dying by your will…' - totally agree!

again: i'm sorry for what your going through, and i admire you!

---

It's clear that I'm mentally ill, I can't work, or study, or read well, or watch movies in a row, I get stuck easily,...
I cannot live the life that is marked by the norms of a civilized society, nor do I contribute to its development,...

i'm sorry…

---

The poll definitions are not valid.

i respect that

'…mentally ill people aren't able to perform basic tasks…' i meant to say that illness would stop to take care of myself, and i'm always depending on others to perform my basic tasks for me

i'm trying to differentiate between physical inability, and mental hardship
mental hardship doesn't mean i'm mentally ill

how can i make it better? how can i formulate my initial question better?
so society will understand 'that suicidal people are not automatically mentally ill'?

---

Good post

thank you, unfortunately not everyone agrees - i'm sorry for offending anyone

---

Well, that's how we are valued at the moment

exactly, thank you

 

[BurnBurnBurn]

Depression and anxiety. They tried to pin me with BPD / EUPD but my psychologist said I was misdiagnosed. Actively suicidal. I can function to an extent: I can get up for the most part and I can get myself washed and things but when it comes to functioning like working and such I'm a mess. I had around 3/4 years off work due to mental illness. I had around 14(?) overdoses during those years and I couldn't function. Well recently I landed a job working in a call centre but couldn't fucking keep it because my anxiety played up something fierce at the thought of having to take phone calls (because apparently that's a thing my brain can't do) so I had to hand in my resignation. Now I'm back to being jobless and without hope for the future. Just so ready to CTB.

 

[chronicrexie]

i am able to perform basic tasks to some degree, but i do have multiple diagnosed mental illnesses, including anorexia, major depressive disorder, anxiety, etc

 

[ksp]

thread page 2 of 2…

---

…normal…

i think normality is relative

but, i'm trying to show 'normal' society that not all people considering suicide are automatically 'mentally ill'

---

There should probably be more voting options here. Mental illness is never so cut and dry. I'm sure most of us struggle with mental illness on some level but are forced to function in ways just to "survive."

agreed - i've seen the error of my ways: '…never so cut and dry…'

i'm still trying to show society that not all suicidals are mentally ill: ex. i'm not mentally ill but i still wand to end my life…

---

…Is it mental illness if it affects ability to function and can't be changed…

i think i need to define mental illness much better than my initial question…

'The idea that a mentally ill person can't make rational choices about their circumstances is horrendous and offensive' - i never implied that. i never even questioned the ability of mentally ill to make rational choices

think about it like this: if you're a canadian asking the government to grant you MAID (medical assistance in dying)
would be able to convince the government (doctors / nurses) that as a mentally ill person you can make a rational choice?

'People who are unhappy with their lives and see no hope for change want to die' - i like this
i want to convince my Canadian doctors to grant my MAID. what's the best way to do that?

---

I'm suffering from persistent clinical depression but only a few closest people know about my condition because I've learned how to feign normalcy and somehow am getting better at this. I can function with no problem so long as the trigger isn't present, but that doesn't mean I'm fine. So, yes, I consider myself mentally ill

i was thinking of crippling mental illness that doesn't let you perform your daily tasks independently, but i see the conflict that you are referring to

how would you convince society that not all people considering suicide are automatically 'mentally ill'?

---

…Back then I was very impulsive, but also very conscious that I didn't want to regret my choices if things went wrong. Now, I know it isn't an impulse or an erratic decision or drastic solution for a temporary problem…

i respect your judgment and rationality!

'Recovered me is still exhausted with life, and I would not now attribute that to my mental illness' - exactly

if i am to consider myself mentally healthy, and rich - i would still want to end my life, from purely philosophical reasons

---

It is 2 years now or so. But I am not that bad, I am actually ok-not because I am happy with life but because I understand this is not where I belong (this life)

i admire your resolve and determination; i'm sorry for your predicament…

---

I think I am mentally ill.I have a long history with self harm & being suicidal and now I've got to the point where I avoid even washing myself or brushing my hair.I don't see the point in anything.I've lost interest in everything i I used to care about and I'm nothing but a burden and a problem to everyone that knows me.I can't function like a normal person at all.I can't even make a phone call to the doctors so I can get some medication that might help me with social anxiety/depression as it helped with these things in the past but I don't even believe it could help me anymore,when I was younger I had hope that I could get better,but I'm just becoming more and more hopeless as I get older.

i'm so sorry for what you're going through

i believe thar my depression is caused be fact that i don't see the point in life and its misery, and not that my ctb is caused by my depression

anyway, i wish you the best

---

I would have to say i do consider myself mentally ill. Im broke and constantly on new meds because of bipolar symptoms. Ive lost two grandparents in the last year (one from pnemonia the other from end stage kidney failure), lost my physical health, and i always feel alone no matter how many people i talk to. Ive been going to therapy since i was 7 and was abused for many years. I know you dont have to have a mental illness to be suicidal, but i personally do have those issues.

i'm so sorry to hear all that… fuck this life! i hate it…
i don't know how to make this better

---

110%. I am depressed, anxious and an insomniac who is suicidal. I think that sums it up. I do manage to function in everyday life as far as working and such but I'm absolutely tired of it all and ready for it to end.

i hate this; so sorry

---

Depression

i'm depressed too, now after reading all the replies in this thread…

---

we are exactly the same friend. In regards to day to day living I'm doing perfectly fine, I just really don't want to exist. really sucks how stigmatized the want to not be alive is. if I were to tell anyone 9.5/10 times they'd think I'm ill and want me to seek help or something.

thank you!

'stigmatized' - i hate being stigmatized; i refuse to consider myself mentally ill

'if I were to tell anyone 9.5/10 times they'd think I'm ill and want me to seek help or something.' i know!
i don't need any help - i just want to fade away, peacefully…

Depression and anxiety. They tried to pin me with BPD / EUPD but my psychologist said I was misdiagnosed. Actively suicidal. I can function to an extent: I can get up for the most part and I can get myself washed and things but when it comes to functioning like working and such I'm a mess. I had around 3/4 years off work due to mental illness. I had around 14(?) overdoses during those years and I couldn't function. Well recently I landed a job working in a call centre but couldn't fucking keep it because my anxiety played up something fierce at the thought of having to take phone calls (because apparently that's a thing my brain can't do) so I had to hand in my resignation. Now I'm back to being jobless and without hope for the future. Just so ready to CTB.

i'm sorry for your predicament

'Depression and anxiety. They tried to pin me with BPD / EUPD but my psychologist said I was misdiagnosed' i hate labels - doctors just shove our problems under the carpet, and move on to the next patient. in the meantime have to stay in this prison… i just want to escape and be don with it

---

i am able to perform basic tasks to some degree, but i do have multiple diagnosed mental illnesses, including anorexia, major depressive disorder, anxiety, etc

i wish i could help somehow…
i wish society will eventually see our unbearable this suffering

i realized that my initial question is not quite valid, and unfair

---

i still want to maintain that i want to commit 'philosophical suicide' regardless of my mental challenges…

 

[theboy]

Sometimes labeling a person as mentally ill causes their symptoms to worsen or they may even have to spend their whole life in therapy.
I consider myself a person who has a depressive condition or problem... but labeling myself as "mentally ill depressive" sounds very harsh...

 

[Lawliet]

apparently almost half the people here will disagree with this, but if you want to commit suicide, you are mentally ill no question. someone with a healthy mind doesn't want to die.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

I'm definitely mentally ill.

I'm stoic and try to hide it, but anybody that truly knows me knows I'm mentally fucked up.

 

[Forever Sleep]

i really appreciate my privacy too, one of the reasons i like to be alone

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i really like the way you think; you have a lot of depth and we hope to interact more

this is your life and your mind - no one else has the right to judge you, but yourself, or pretend to know what you're going through

however i think you have a very sharp mind, solid logic, and very good reasoning - what exactly makes you doubt yourself? i don't see anything obvious wrong in your mental ability, in fact, you have a lot of intelligent responses (on other threads), from what i've read until now

me either, lol; i'm lazy :)

this where we differ: I believe there are wide varying degrees of mental 'wellness'

'high functioning' - brilliant! i love the expression and i'll probably start using it myself:
i think the entire society is barely functioning, while 'putting on a convincing front' - another nice expression from LoneWolf

exactly - our default setting is not suicidal, defined by SI; everything in nature make us fight extinction !
nature has a few hundred millions years before us, and it perfected all our natural instincts

our SI is extremely powerful - it has to fight the most powerful law in universes: entropy - everything dies, so nature keeps fighting against a dead universe; nature is surrounded by death, at least in our known universe - life is an anomaly, and it has to fight - it doesn't have a choice

i was going to make another thread titled: 'suicide is the most courageous act in life' !
because we are fighting an incredible powerful instinct - to most basic instinct in nature: survival

nature gifted us with another powerful gift: intelligence

our intelligence (through philosophy) is rejecting the misery of life: we are unable to find its purpose - everything, eventually dies

to summarize: there is a constant battle between life and death

entropy is 14 billion years old (13.787), life is about 4 billion years old (3.77 to 4.29), as far as we know

who do you think will win - life or universe?


went off on a tangent, sorry (but i'm open to continuing this subject, in another thread)


to continue:

brilliant, just brilliant !!
i believe i touched a bit on this amazing subject, unfortunately i don't think we have enough time and space to discuss it in this thread (my fault)


i strongly believe you, and many other here, have incredible sharp minds, and able to provide extremely solid philosophical arguments!!!

i'm exhausted, and elated (communication is very difficult)

to be continued, on another thread…

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'abnormally' compared to previous life experiences? if so, there are obviously physical / neurological reasons for it

long duration, or just temporary?
(i'm not a neurologist / psychiatrist / psychologist, so i wouldn't be able to help much, sorry)

on my side, i'm not abnormally tired or fatigued more than usual - i'm just tired of life in general…

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i like the way you phrased it!

i don't think you are mentally ill at all, just tired of the constant fight against this miserable life, just like everyone else in this world

also, being very intelligent is quite tiring - the sword has two edges; being smart has a strong tendency to bring you down…

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1. just curious: do you know anyone who's happy most of the time?
i'd venture to say that most people are 30% to 40% happy overall, with some obvious exceptions: extremely poor / extremely rich; some people have daily variations between 10% to 60%

2. i'm not important. most people are not important; some people have some delusions, but everyone eventually dies

we all are as important and relevant as the ants we step on (nature's perspective)

you are as important as you want to be, in your own eyes, but no one else's


'most people', 'abnormal' - says who? no one has a complete notion of 'normality', we are as varied as all the snowflakes that have ever existed in billions of years


i don't see the reasons for my existence either
i'm sorry you feel down…
i've accepted my misery, i'm just trying to have a relatively dignified exit

I hope we can communicate more too. I am massively intrigued by consciousness, the brain- all that kind of stuff. Not like we are likely to ever really know the 'truth'- even top scientists seem to be baffled. Still, it's nice to talk to people here to find hypotheses that sound the most likely.

That's an interesting question- 'What makes me doubt my own sanity?' I suppose I don't actually think I'm 'crazy' but I do wonder if my 'thinking' would have turned out differently if I had had a different life. Not that I have had a TERRIBLE life- it's certainly been easier than some of the poor souls here. Still- I feel like there was enough childhood crap to maybe distort my thinking.

The same with everyone here I suppose- did any of us have the potential to be 'normal?' I think we likely all did- it's just either bad bodily luck came along in the way of ill health, or bad life luck came along in the way of trauma- or just the monotony of living a life we find no meaning in. I guess it's always a combination of a shitty circumstance and our brains ability/ inability to cope with said situation.

I loved your phrase of varying degrees of mental 'wellness'. That's likely more accurate- 'illness' implies there is something wrong. When it comes to thinking- that must mean: 'Your thinking is wrong- because of your illness.' Yet- like you have said- many people here clearly have very sharp, reasoning, logical minds. Many feel like they see the world for what it is- not because their 'thinking' is negatively skewed.

Also loved your phrase that 'suicide is the most courageous act in life!' This is an opinion I also share. Most especially in response to the pro-life slogan that 'suicide is the cowards way out.' There are the obvious reasons that it's frightening, could fail, that failure could make life even worse and any concerns about judgement, a possible afterlife or eternal nothingness.

I suppose their concept of it being cowardly is because it shows more 'guts' to struggle on through life... but for what? I can only imagine- so as not to upset the people around us. (I find it hard to believe that the majority of our lives make much difference to the larger world- only negatively- sadly.)

I do agree to an extent that suicide IS selfish- we are hoping to end OUR pain when we do it. Still, unless a person is utterly unfeeling, OF COURSE it bothers them that they are going to leave people behind to grieve them. Getting over those feelings of guilt seems to be one of the hardest things people have to wrestle with. Perhaps it would be more 'noble' and maybe show more strength to carry on for them but I still don't think it's 'cowardly' because- in most cases- it wasn't a rash decision and it took a lot of guts to get over the guilt of what it might do to others. Sorry- now I've gone off on a tangent.

I love your thinking though and I look forward to more discussions on this absurd thing called life.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I identify as mentally ill. The options are rather limited though. Although I'm not one of them there are many mentally ill people who function well. They're not mutually exclusive.

 

[ksp]

Sometimes labeling a person as mentally ill causes their symptoms to worsen or they may even have to spend their whole life in therapy.
I consider myself a person who has a depressive condition or problem... but labeling myself as "mentally ill depressive" sounds very harsh...

smart, and well put; and this is another aspect: 'mentally ill causes their symptoms to worsen' !

bad: 'i'm mentally ill therefore i'm an enabler of my own darkest thoughts' (autosuggestion)
good: 'i'm normal therefore i must rationalize my choices' (i am in control)

'but labeling myself as "mentally ill depressive" sounds very harsh' - thank you!

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…but if you want to commit suicide, you are mentally ill no question. someone with a healthy mind doesn't want to die.

respectfully disagree

this is the stereotypical thinking i'm trying to discourage in society
this is exactly why i want to challenge the 'mentally ill' notion / definition
'you are mentally ill no question' - yes, a lot of questions to ask !
my example: I AM NOT MENTALLY ILL, yet i want to die - please prove to me that i am ill
'someone with a healthy mind doesn't want to die'
- animals don't commit suicide
- humans have another dimension: intellect / philosophy / metaphysics
- i am denying nature rules of existence - i am rational and i don't want to exist

granted, there are people that can be helped

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intrigued by consciousness

i find it absolutely fascinating! (david chalmers)

best documentary in my life (by far): Through the Wormhole (TV Series 2010-2017); with Morgan Freeman

other limitations / challenges to humanity:
- intelligence
- consciousness
- time
- sleep / dreams (unconscious mind)
- black holes / gravity
- life after death
- reality
- morality / ethics / philosophy / metaphysics / free will / purpose of life
- what happened before the Big Bang / infinite universes

'…it's certainly been easier than some of the poor souls here' - objectivity !

'…monotony of living a life we find no meaning in' - i like this

… too many fascinating subjects to be discussed, and i'm extremely frustrated by communication challenges …

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I identify as mentally ill. The options are rather limited though. Although I'm not one of them there are many mentally ill people who function well. They're not mutually exclusive.

agreed! i still refuse to believe that all people that want to commit suicide are mentally ill

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[mojabaka]

No, even doctors say I'm not, it's Pfizer that made me phisically disabled, which is why I want to ctb. I wish that all countries would allow suicide for physically disabled people, especially at a young age from shitty vaccines like in my case. The government owes me big time and I don't want to rot away in pain for the rest of my life.

 

[ksp]

No, even doctors say I'm not

thank you!

'it's Pfizer that made me phisically disabled' - sorry for what you're going through; things need to change, fast !

'I wish that all countries would allow suicide' - i think all countries are starting to see the need for this

especially when older generations (crippled by religion) start ding, and when politicians/lawmakers, judges/lawyers, doctors/psychologists, and journalists, start to see and feel the torment and suffering of family members and friends (touched by non-abstract reasons)

on top of which, a lot of baby boomers will star to consider their own mortality much more seriously

'The government owes me big' - i see how incredibly frustrating this is, unfortunately i would hold my breath…

 

[mojabaka]

thank you!

'it's Pfizer that made me phisically disabled' - sorry for what you're going through; things need to change, fast !

'I wish that all countries would allow suicide' - i think all countries are starting to see the need for this

especially when older generations (crippled by religion) start ding, and when politicians/lawmakers, judges/lawyers, doctors/psychologists, and journalists, start to see and feel the torment and suffering of family members and friends (touched by non-abstract reasons)

on top of which, a lot of baby boomers will star to consider their own mortality much more seriously

'The government owes me big' - i see how incredibly frustrating this is, unfortunately i would hold my breath…

Yeah, I won't hold my breath, don't worry. I just don't understand the logic, I was a full blown member of society, working, I own my own company, and I took the "vaccine" because the government promised that it's safe, would make me immune to covid and it would help the eldery, the economy and the health services. Every single thing of that was a lie. Now I've been disabled for 16 months, unable to work, and I had to pay for almost all medical interventions that didn't really make me better in the end anyway out of pocket. The least the government could do is to put me to rest humanly after allowing Pfizer to take away my health and my life completely. But nope, you can put your pets to rest humanly for almost every illness, but humans have to suffer until the end. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I know that life is not logical and certainly not fair, but enough is enough. I agree with your point, at least for western countries, it seems that most will have something like eurhanasia in the next decade, but I won't be holding my breath for so long. Unfortunately I'll have to take things into my own hands, but that stupid survival instinct, which evolution gifted upon us, is hard to overcome, even while being disabled with only 25.

 

[Lawliet]

respectfully disagree

this is the stereotypical thinking i'm trying to discourage in society
this is exactly why i want to challenge the 'mentally ill' notion / definition
'you are mentally ill no question' - yes, a lot of questions to ask !
my example: I AM NOT MENTALLY ILL, yet i want to die - please prove to me that i am ill
'someone with a healthy mind doesn't want to die'
- animals don't commit suicide
- humans have another dimension: intellect / philosophy / metaphysics
- i am denying nature rules of existence - i am rational and i don't want to exist

granted, there are people that can be helped

i'm not saying that someone is crazy, i'm saying that they're depressed and depression is mental illness. being unhappy with living means you're depressed.

i certainly don't think i'm crazy for wanting to die in my situation, and it's the rational conclusion instead of living in pain all the time. that being said, /i/ am mentally ill. i have depression, anxiety, BPD, and PTSD.