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natthebrat

natthebrat

only help i want is with ctb
Jul 9, 2023
188
ace transbian here. its not really a factor in wanting to ctb, thats more related to work/finances. only way being trans is related to wanting to ctb for me, is that i ended up in my shitty situation in large part due to unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with dysphoria when i was younger. although the political situation, likely being forced to detransition, is definitely not helping either

feel free to dm if you want to be friends :)
 
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nomoredolor

nomoredolor

Specialist
Sep 7, 2024
370
I was definitely making a statement when I wore my rainbow shirt in my last attempt. And I'll wear it again when I complete successfully. (All the blood washed out yay!)
Anna
 
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sancta-simplicitas

sancta-simplicitas

Mage
Dec 14, 2023
573
Genderqueer and... Regular queer I guess. It has nothing to do with wishing to CTB.
 
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music

music

how many nights have i drowned here
Feb 1, 2023
97
yes and yes. dysphoria near disables me from working on my appearance and i can't find a place to work which would let me wear the massive comfy clothes and hats i use to drown out my form. a constant feedback loop of dysphoria to dissociation into poor coping methods and impostor syndrome leads to it feeling impossible to be seen by others when that's really what i need the most. my isolation was brought on by that problem years ago; i'd attribute a majority of my suicidality to it in some respect

i probably could have bettered myself by now if i werent smothered by said debuff day and night. it only seems to get harder
 
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Eudaimonic

Eudaimonic

I want to fade away.
Aug 11, 2023
836
yes. my dysphoria is fairly debilitating. i am very uncomfortable being perceived by others (and as a result i have very few IRL friends), distressed to varying degrees by most/all of my physical features, and i know there is no hope of ever looking the way i want and being treated as such. i suspect this has exacerbated considerably my depression and other mental issues. for example, i don't feel a need to take care of myself because i know i will be disgusted by my appearance regardless. for how am i supposed to function in a world where i am constantly being perceived (even and especially by myself!) and treated accordingly? also, because of this, relationships are off the table, so i will be alone forever.

i feel pretty dissociated a lot of the time, which does reduce the distress i feel somewhat, but the psychache never leaves me. and i think that, because of said dissociation, my emotions are much less intense; i never feel joy, but i still experiencing a fleeting sense of pleasure

however, that's not to say that this is necessarily my sole reason. i also have reservations about existing & existence in general, i lack a sense of purpose (whilst i feel passionate about the cause of reducing suffering, it almost seems futile given the scope of the problem), and i feel an overarching sense of pointlessness toward life as a whole--it seems to consist in the constant alleviation of deprivations with the ever-present risk of stumbling into a scenario of extreme suffering, an at best zero-sum game i would rather not partake in. but if i'm being perfectly honest, these more abstract and philosophical reasons are not as relevant, because killing oneself in this society is quite a hassle and they alone don't produce enough psychache to warrant doing so.
 
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SnowLeopard21

SnowLeopard21

Terminal Sadcat
Oct 30, 2024
40
Do I count as bisexual if nobody wants to date me anyways?
 
GargoyleFiend

GargoyleFiend

Member
Sep 5, 2024
16
yeah absolutely. i hate every second of being trans and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. the only reason why I transitioned in the first place was because I felt as if it was impossible to continue living if I didn't. especially given the current political climate of the country i live in, it's awful. i've always dreamed about moving abroad and going to college but i cant even get a passport because of restrictive laws. i have all of these hopes and dreams of stuff i wish i could do (if I have enough energy for it in the first place), but so many of them are impossible or significantly harder as a result. it's kind of made me take on a really negative worldview that I can't get rid of. I often wonder what i did to deserve to get 'sentenced' to this life, and if a future life might be better. i like to think if i was 'normal' i wouldn't have been bullied all through life which would have prevented the majority of the depression and the general feeling of not belonging anywhere
 
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