yes. my dysphoria is fairly debilitating. i am very uncomfortable being perceived by others (and as a result i have very few IRL friends), distressed to varying degrees by most/all of my physical features, and i know there is no hope of ever looking the way i want and being treated as such. i suspect this has exacerbated considerably my depression and other mental issues. for example, i don't feel a need to take care of myself because i know i will be disgusted by my appearance regardless. for how am i supposed to function in a world where i am constantly being perceived (even and especially by myself!) and treated accordingly? also, because of this, relationships are off the table, so i will be alone forever.
i feel pretty dissociated a lot of the time, which does reduce the distress i feel somewhat, but the psychache never leaves me. and i think that, because of said dissociation, my emotions are much less intense; i never feel joy, but i still experiencing a fleeting sense of pleasure
however, that's not to say that this is necessarily my sole reason. i also have reservations about existing & existence in general, i lack a sense of purpose (whilst i feel passionate about the cause of reducing suffering, it almost seems futile given the scope of the problem), and i feel an overarching sense of pointlessness toward life as a whole--it seems to consist in the constant alleviation of deprivations with the ever-present risk of stumbling into a scenario of extreme suffering, an at best zero-sum game i would rather not partake in. but if i'm being perfectly honest, these more abstract and philosophical reasons are not as relevant, because killing oneself in this society is quite a hassle and they alone don't produce enough psychache to warrant doing so.
