are you happier single or with a partner?

[WhiteDespair]

I've been single for 5+ years now and I miss having a partner. Doesn't help when you don't have many friends. I get caught up in wondering who would even want me as a partner which kills my chances from the start.

 

[s66]

When I have somebody, which is never.
In the past I've chosen the wrong people and got disappointed. I have also been through the stage years ago of having someone suffocating, so that put me off looking or wanting any romantic partner for a while. Been that way is fine when you're really attracted to the person, but at the end I wasn't at all and it put me off for a few years.
I honestly would be ecstatic if I found someone suitable or that I was into as much as they were into me, never is like that, always someone's more into the other person. At this stage in my life I want someone secure.

 

[greebo6]

Pros and Cons to both situations.
But overall I'd rather have a loving partner than be single as I am .

 

[Intheo]

In my opinion you have to learn how to be happy by yourself in order to have a fulfilling relationship with someone else. Don't burden others with the responsibility to make you happy. My loneliest moments were while with partners with whom I realized I've lost connections with and realizing this person can't make me happy, because nobody can make me happy. that's my responsibility.

 

[Lefty]

I think happier being single. Relationships can be pretty hard for me. I'm very introverted. However having a GF can be nice. Though I do like my alone time. I will say that the society and the media make it look like you can't be happy unless you have a partner, I mean its everywhere, movies, and such, etc.

 

[kappa]

Sometimes I think a healthy relationship would be nice.. but those don't seem too common.

Last person I dated was really verbally abusive. If I am single, I don't have to talk to someone X times a day or whatever their requirement is. Also I don't have to worry about anyone creepin' around. I get lonely but it's too hard to meet anyone.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

In my opinion you have to learn how to be happy by yourself in order to have a fulfilling relationship with someone else. Don't burden others with the responsibility to make you happy. My loneliest moments were while with partners with whom I realized I've lost connections with and realizing this person can't make me happy, because nobody can make me happy. that's my responsibility.

What about the people who are so warped that it's impossible for them to objectively be able to love themselves until someone else confirms it's possible?

 

[grungeCat]

I don't know as I was never in relationship. My brain forces me to believe that I would be happier if I had any company. However the truth is I have no idea.

 

[demuic]

Given that I've been single my whole life (and still am), I'd say I'm happier being single. I just could not imagine being in a relationship, losing privacy, and then having to answer to someone else. I know this due to having roommates and living with parents. I consider myself to be a solitary person for the most part.

Yeah, that's what I don't like about being a relationship. "Having to answer to someone else" is definitely the way to put it. I really value independence, so I wouldn't want to have to take someone else into consideration every time I make a decision. Like, oh, I want to move across the country but my significant other doesn't so now I'm stuck here (random example.) It would feel limiting.

And when I have been in a relationship, I've felt like I was suddenly having to like scrutinize and change myself. Like, I have to look attractive for you, and have to make sure you don't get pissed off at me so we don't break up..

I'm just too solitary. Realistically it's not for me. It would be nice if it was, if there was someone else like me who really values their independence but we would still be devoted to each other, but that doesn't seem to be want most people want. And I'm very picky.

Being single is the natural state of being.

 

[Gerard de Nerval]

In all honesty I usually fall into long-term poly or monogamous relationships. They typically happen naturally, with no intention of it lasting. In the past I just always enjoy being with others, helping and loving them. Though now I have to actively fight against this because I'll never get over the guilt and pain of my previous partner's suicide.

 

[an_alias]

with a partner. warmth always cheers me up. i want to take responsibility for someone.

 

[Deleted member 24434]

I'm better single with a fwb. I live inside my head too much to be a good partner for life.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

I was, overall, happy with my partner, married 20 years. He died 13 years ago. Cancer.

I continued in my job and after two years, quit and did a lot of things that I couldn't do with him because he didn't want to and we always did what he wanted. I thought that was how it was supposed to be.

I have, in the almost 13 years since that I have been single, done some amazing things, travel, diving, parasailing, cycling, lost 75# and kept it off, the list is long. I also realized how being with him, as good as it was, held me back. I will never establish a longterm relationship again and give up my freedom. Never.

 

[signifying nothing]

Single is hard enough.

 

[MindFrog]

I see relationships like gambling somehow. You'd have a chance of being happier than usual but you can also end up broke with depression. If you choose not to gamble, you get to keep your money safe.

Albeit being in a relationship made me happier, I don't think the pain was worth it. I feel more content with being single.

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

I have the best partner I could ask for, we connect in so many ways. But the intensity of my emotions in any relationship is too much for me. I function better alone but long to love and be loved.
After 7 yrs together we're currently apart as I got too unstable and asked him to leave. He waits to come home, I'm desperate to have him back but too scared to lose the calm I currently have. I've hurt all my life, I hurt despite his love, so hurting some more because I don't have him is easier than managing my shit in relationships & to save the harm to him.

 

[TowerUpright]

I'm married. I've always been unhappy single, briefly happy when getting into new relationship, and then slowly transitioning to unhappy / miserable.

Honestly, I don't really know what it is like to be happy. But I know unhappy.

Now, FF years, children, etc., I'm kind of stuck because I didn't have the nerve to stand up and say what I feel. All because I didn't want to make my partner upset.

FTL.

 

[Frauw]

Being single is nice and relaxing, I get to focus more on myself and own goals as well.

 

[Bigpink]

Life can be hard either way.

 

[kohaku]

My BPD makes relationships and crushes unnecessarily intense, so no thanks. Ever since I cut my crush off I've been comfortably sitting in my perpetual emptiness on my own. Besides, CTBing would make someone I was romantically involved with incredibly sad. More sad than if they were just my friend. I already have enough friends to feel sad about me.

 

[Phill]

I've never been in a serious relationship, so I don't know. Sometimes I think that having a partner would be great and it would help me a lot, but sometimes I think I wouldn't be able to handle a relationship and things would be worse. It's complicated.

 

[massiveblackhole]

I have the best partner I could ask for, we connect in so many ways. But the intensity of my emotions in any relationship is too much for me. I function better alone but long to love and be loved.
After 7 yrs together we're currently apart as I got too unstable and asked him to leave. He waits to come home, I'm desperate to have him back but too scared to lose the calm I currently have. I've hurt all my life, I hurt despite his love, so hurting some more because I don't have him is easier than managing my shit in relationships & to save the harm to him.

oh wow im sorry to hear that and i feel like im heading for the same thing. ive been with my partner just over 2 years now and he's always been steadfast and supported me with my suicidal depression but i feel like its really unfair on him to have that burden and i feel like maybe i should breakup with him cos his love is wasted on me and he deserves to be with someone normal and happy. but im too scared to do that cos of how miserable i might feel without him which is really selfish of me i know. dont know what to do.

i love this song by Halsey, sums up how i feel

I've been single for 5+ years now and I miss having a partner. Doesn't help when you don't have many friends. I get caught up in wondering who would even want me as a partner which kills my chances from the start.

yea i didnt mind when i was single cos i had a lot of friends but i dont anymore so if i broke up with my partner i think id feel very lonely. and like you said doesnt help when you're messed up and feel like no one else would want you

My BPD makes relationships and crushes unnecessarily intense, so no thanks. Ever since I cut my crush off I've been comfortably sitting in my perpetual emptiness on my own. Besides, CTBing would make someone I was romantically involved with incredibly sad. More sad than if they were just my friend. I already have enough friends to feel sad about me.

i do feel like i should break up with my partner to spare him the pain of me ctbing.

Being single is nice and relaxing, I get to focus more on myself and own goals as well.

yes that sounds nice.

I'm married. I've always been unhappy single, briefly happy when getting into new relationship, and then slowly transitioning to unhappy / miserable.

Honestly, I don't really know what it is like to be happy. But I know unhappy.

Now, FF years, children, etc., I'm kind of stuck because I didn't have the nerve to stand up and say what I feel. All because I didn't want to make my partner upset.

FTL.

hmm that's hard. that feeling of being stuck. i hope you find a way to make things better in your relationship.

I see relationships like gambling somehow. You'd have a chance of being happier than usual but you can also end up broke with depression. If you choose not to gamble, you get to keep your money safe.

Albeit being in a relationship made me happier, I don't think the pain was worth it. I feel more content with being single.

its definitely hard to find a good person that actually makes your life better not worse

I was, overall, happy with my partner, married 20 years. He died 13 years ago. Cancer.

I continued in my job and after two years, quit and did a lot of things that I couldn't do with him because he didn't want to and we always did what he wanted. I thought that was how it was supposed to be.

I have, in the almost 13 years since that I have been single, done some amazing things, travel, diving, parasailing, cycling, lost 75# and kept it off, the list is long. I also realized how being with him, as good as it was, held me back. I will never establish a longterm relationship again and give up my freedom. Never.

wow yea i worry that one day il discover being stuck in my relationship and regret not having broken up and done the things iv always wanted. my partner and i dont share very many interests - the things i wanna do he doesnt so i dont do them but i should but then i feel guilty if i do things without him. like i wanna go to japan and visit my friend but i know he wouldnt want to and he'd also resent me for going on my own. i dunno.

I'm better single with a fwb. I live inside my head too much to be a good partner for life.

i often feel like i lack the ability to truly love and commit to a relationship because im so emotionally distant

with a partner. warmth always cheers me up. i want to take responsibility for someone.

having responsibility for someone can be good cos it makes your life not all about you and you have a greater purpose but it can also be a great burden. like i really want to ctb sometimes but id feel really guilty cos i have a partner but i didnt i would have probably mustered up the courage to do it by now

Yeah, that's what I don't like about being a relationship. "Having to answer to someone else" is definitely the way to put it. I really value independence, so I wouldn't want to have to take someone else into consideration every time I make a decision. Like, oh, I want to move across the country but my significant other doesn't so now I'm stuck here (random example.) It would feel limiting.

And when I have been in a relationship, I've felt like I was suddenly having to like scrutinize and change myself. Like, I have to look attractive for you, and have to make sure you don't get pissed off at me so we don't break up..

I'm just too solitary. Realistically it's not for me. It would be nice if it was, if there was someone else like me who really values their independence but we would still be devoted to each other, but that doesn't seem to be want most people want. And I'm very picky.

Being single is the natural state of being.

totally hear what you're saying. i didnt date for the longest time cos as a feminist i didnt believe women should have to change the way they look or behave just to please a guy. i am with someone who is not superficial and likes me for me but also i do feel like iv had to compromise a lot in the relationship and that part sucks - you cant just do what you want when you want you have to consider your partners views. like i would love to just go work overseas but he cant even handle that we moved 1.5 hours away from his parents.

I think happier being single. Relationships can be pretty hard for me. I'm very introverted. However having a GF can be nice. Though I do like my alone time. I will say that the society and the media make it look like you can't be happy unless you have a partner, I mean its everywhere, movies, and such, etc.

yes i hate the societal pressure there is to be in a relationship/family and you look like a social pariah if you're single.

 

[Nem]

that's a tough question. It depends on the depth of your partner I suppose, my ex was an actual sociopath so that was the shittiest person one could ever be with. I would've been happier and better off if I had been single

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

I don't think I'll ever find out.

 

[saltshaker]

Couldn't tell you i have been single for a very long time.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Complicated.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm codependant and independant. So... Both.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I'm a simple man. Give me love and I will be satisfied. That's what I believed.
I still do, but at this point, I'm not sure if I could do more than break someones spirit. I've been alone for too long.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I've only ever been in two relationships in my life and only one of them led to sex, but that relationship fell apart rather quickly. Before experiencing it for the first time, I hated being single and was desperate to be with someone until it happened, but then I realized that dating is more trouble than it's worth, so I'm definitely better off staying single.

As it turned out, sex is definitely something I can live without, but I had to experience it to know this. It was almost like being on some new drug that kept me high for a couple of weeks, but then it stopped working and I had no use for it anymore. I do feel bad for people that have never experienced it but want to, since I think everyone should be able to try it at least once to know if it's for them or not.

I've also come to realize that any desire I've ever had to experience it is a result of biological programming that is only there to make people reproduce. Since making that discovery, my interest in it has plummeted, but I don't see that as a problem. If I want to feel good, smoking a bowl is good enough for me these days.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I am severely depressed, chronically ill and a failure. I am wholly unfit for relationships. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy to be in love with me. For me it's not a matter or being happier single or not. A relationship is simply not an option.

 

[woknows]

I am happier with a partner.