Are you greatful for your suicidal thoughts?

[NZkiwi]

I was negative about my suicidal thoughts
and then i was negative about my attempts in the past, shame, guilt, embarrassed

earlier thos year i became neutral about my suicidal thoughts
which lead to ambivelence/neutrality about my behaviour

then i had 2 attempts last week

im still neutral about my suicidal thoughts
howver im pro social/pro recovery in my behaviour around them now

a little guilt/sadness around what happened

still sucks

i wonder if the next step is being greatful for my suicidal thoughts, i can have them without feeling shame etc
and pro social/recovery with my behaviour

.where are you along this spectrum?

 

[N@te]

I guess I'm grateful, since I feel I'd be worse off if I didn't view suicide as a good option