are you ever REALLY ready

[silliestclown]

I want to die. I've given it extensive thought for years. I dont believe it would be a mistake, and i dont believe this is an impulsive panic driven thought. even so, I feel such a crushing despair over leaving. I love this earth mother; her life her creatures, I love many people. the thought that I will never again see my beloved sky, beloved animals, never petting my cats again...... brings me grief. yet this does not change the fact nor certainty that I want to die. I simply dont feel I was ever meant to be happy as the person I've been born into. i dont hate the world, I hate the vessel I am forced to view it from.
I hear so often stories of regret regarding suicide. that if you arent entirely miserable with yourself AND the world around you, if you arent entirely detached, that it will be a mistake.
I dont want to be this person. I do not want to live as this person. I am at peace with this person dying. but being human, I can not shake the grief of knowing the things I will never again percieve.

is this normal?
is this just a human response to a incomprehensible concept? does it sound like I am blinded by misery and making a mistake?

I know these are impossible answers, with no correct response. I guess I'm just looking for opinions.

if you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to listen. I hope this has made at least a little sense.

 

[houseofleaves]

 

[eternalflame]

I have doubts too, i guess you never get rid of them.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just feel like only you know when it is the right time to leave and whether suicide is the best thing for yourself after all. It is your life, your thoughts and your feelings and only you are the one who is living it. I think that it is just a feeling that someone has when they are certain about their decision and all they want is to be gone. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I wish you the best.

 

[Floofy Clouds]

Every really ready? I'd say it varies for each suicide. Some individuals will be past ready, whereas others still have doubts but do it anyway. A person with a painful terminal illness, their readiness to go could be very overdue. Someone about to be made homeless for a second time when they barely survived the first time, they will be about as ready as it ever gets.

When it's my time, I'm going to think of it as like catching a plane or going in for surgery - stressful but has to be done. Prepare, wear clothes a bit smarter than you normally do, feel nervous, but once the anesthesia kicks in or the plane leaves the runway, you're on your way. As humans we do things with fairly unknown outcomes throughout our lives and we just get on with them, whether we push ourselves or something else pushes us. I don't really see this as any different. Except with this you know there's full peace at the end with no possibility of an even worse set of circumstances since I don't believe in hell or reincarnation.

 

[Onasis]

As everyone else has stated, it is different for everyone. I wake up sometimes knowing that my life is probably going to be a long journey of mundane mediocrity and pain. The only thing I can say I look forward to is seeing how crazy the world will get. Other times I do not care enough and just want to leave it all behind and wait for my parents to pass away because I don't want to commit suicide while they are alive and be viewed as the ultimate failure. It pains me to know that my parents will die with the knowledge that both of their children were objective failures and couldn't even do the most basic thing such as live in their own space.

People who are in worse circumstances have remained a live while Hollywood multimillionaires have exited on their own wishes. Everything depends on the person and if they are tired of the fight just to be in control of their own mind. It is a hard fight and depression is one of those things that is nearly impossible to get rid of. I respect any decision that someone makes because sometimes it really isn't worth going through all of the bullshit just to be faced with more of it. Maybe one day, ten years from now, they will find a cure for depression, and we can all move on.

 

[ge0rge]

if it's anything like anesthesia, can't wait!! love getting anesthetized

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I am fucking ready but I don't have the means

 

[DreamSurfer]

if it's anything like anesthesia, can't wait!! love getting anesthetized

That is the best feeling ever! The few times that I was put under were the only times I truly felt peace. That nothingness was simply amazing.

 

[ge0rge]

That is the best feeling ever! The few times that I was put under were the only times I truly felt peace. That nothingness was simply amazing.

i like the sudden drop that comes with loss of consciousness. here one second, gone the next

 

[Julgran]

I want to die. I've given it extensive thought for years. I dont believe it would be a mistake, and i dont believe this is an impulsive panic driven thought. even so, I feel such a crushing despair over leaving. I love this earth mother; her life her creatures, I love many people. the thought that I will never again see my beloved sky, beloved animals, never petting my cats again...... brings me grief. yet this does not change the fact nor certainty that I want to die. I simply dont feel I was ever meant to be happy as the person I've been born into. i dont hate the world, I hate the vessel I am forced to view it from.
I hear so often stories of regret regarding suicide. that if you arent entirely miserable with yourself AND the world around you, if you arent entirely detached, that it will be a mistake.
I dont want to be this person. I do not want to live as this person. I am at peace with this person dying. but being human, I can not shake the grief of knowing the things I will never again percieve.

is this normal?
is this just a human response to a incomprehensible concept? does it sound like I am blinded by misery and making a mistake?

I know these are impossible answers, with no correct response. I guess I'm just looking for opinions.

if you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to listen. I hope this has made at least a little sense.

Your perception is not abnormal at all. For some, it's simply harder to let go of the few good things in life

 

[Lost Magic]

I am quite fond of this quote by the great philosopher Alan Watts:


I too have ceased to see magic in the world.

 

[DreamSurfer]

i like the sudden drop that comes with loss of consciousness. here one second, gone the next

Yea, I love that part too! Wish I could get N, that seems to be pretty close to that from what it seems, or maybe going exit bag? I have SN coming but it def doesn't seem like that will replicate that real close.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I want to die. I've given it extensive thought for years. I dont believe it would be a mistake, and i dont believe this is an impulsive panic driven thought. even so, I feel such a crushing despair over leaving. I love this earth mother; her life her creatures, I love many people. the thought that I will never again see my beloved sky, beloved animals, never petting my cats again...... brings me grief. yet this does not change the fact nor certainty that I want to die. I simply dont feel I was ever meant to be happy as the person I've been born into. i dont hate the world, I hate the vessel I am forced to view it from.
I hear so often stories of regret regarding suicide. that if you arent entirely miserable with yourself AND the world around you, if you arent entirely detached, that it will be a mistake.
I dont want to be this person. I do not want to live as this person. I am at peace with this person dying. but being human, I can not shake the grief of knowing the things I will never again percieve.

is this normal?
is this just a human response to a incomprehensible concept? does it sound like I am blinded by misery and making a mistake?

I know these are impossible answers, with no correct response. I guess I'm just looking for opinions.

if you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to listen. I hope this has made at least a little sense.

I Share a similar sentiment…. I actually love this world so much… So many people… So many experiences… to continue living without being able to participate in everything I want to is supremely excruciating… I have lived my life entirely wrong… Growing up I was always trying to escape responsibilities… I was fearful and alienated… And so I steered clear of so many amazing opportunities to participate and learn and grow… And now in my 50s I am left high and dry… Having missed out on every conceivable joy… Merely existing Is a form of sacrilege given all the beauty and possibility going on around us….