Discussion Are you deteriorating?

[Fadeawaaaay]

I'm watching myself continue to collapse… revealing to family I actually have no plan to improve or even maintain my life… has elicited "concern" and fear - rightly so…

I'm profoundly lonely but I need to isolate from other people. Their busy productive energy and buzzing chit chat drives me crazy.

I'm trapped and the only modicum of relief is one word : N. Contemplating any real "solution"- job hunting etc… inspires waves of nausea and panic …

My mental illness is too much for even my antidepressants… my psyche knows I'm doomed and writhes in agony at the prospect…

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, as time goes by I end up more and more tired and I lose the will to live even further. Every day I die inside just a little bit more. If only there was a way to fall asleep and never wake. Living is painful and I want nothing to do with life. Everything has always been hopeless for me.

 

[Cookiecarver]

Yes, I'm deteriorating. I don't have any plans to get better and I've given up on hope because I have failed so many times with so many things during my life. My nurse is pressuring me to recover and she says I'm forced to go to a course meant to recover me so that I could one day hold a job, but I have 0 interest in doing it, but she says I may not get my government benefits unless I do it.

 

[miserableforever]

Yes, I'm deteriorating. I don't have any plans to get better and I've given up on hope because I have failed so many times with so many things during my life. My nurse is pressuring me to recover and she says I'm forced to go to a course meant to recover me so that I could one day hold a job, but I have 0 interest in doing it, but she says I may not get my government benefits unless I do it.

Ugh the government… nothing but trouble and inconvenience. Some of us aren't meant to live the cookie cutter life cause our heads are just different. I wish 'life' understood.

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

Things are very bad at the moment.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I forget the exact term, but when youre suicidal and depressed you have a limited view of the future, you can't see past a certain amount of time beyond the present. I don't think I've ever had such an inability to see forward. When I was bad before I could at least see a couple days ahead, but now theres like a brick wall two inches from my face. I imagine this is what being imprisoned feels like.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yes, I'm deteriorating. I don't have any plans to get better and I've given up on hope because I have failed so many times with so many things during my life. My nurse is pressuring me to recover and she says I'm forced to go to a course meant to recover me so that I could one day hold a job, but I have 0 interest in doing it, but she says I may not get my government benefits unless I do it.

Sounds like a tough spot .

I forget the exact term, but when youre suicidal and depressed you have a limited view of the future, you can't see past a certain amount of time beyond the present. I don't think I've ever had such an inability to see forward. When I was bad before I could at least see a couple days ahead, but now theres like a brick wall two inches from my face. I imagine this is what being imprisoned feels like.

I know what you mean. I basically live meal to meal. And even then I'm somewhat indecisive and ambivalent. The only safe place is in bed.

 

[Lost Magic]

I had a major panic attack today and I am utterly alone. I just want to sleep and never wake up to this hell.

 

[Atraxa]

My physical health is now beginning to decline. My eyes are almost black at this point, they just water and are in discomfort all the time. I've had an infection for the best part of a year which I still haven't spoken to the doctor about as last time I went about my anxiety they didn't want to know. I think perhaps my desire to hide how I feel does me no favours, I try to act normal in the world yet people aren't willing to give unless you give them a good show.

As the lyric roughly goes, the prison of mirrors we can't see, yet haunted we are by its reflection.

 

[rationaltake]

Yes

 

[Versailles]

revealing to family I actually have no plan to improve or even maintain my life

The same thing happens to me, maybe my family urges me to make more plans for the future but I think my life would decay at some point, so I would do CTB anyway, I hate my body and I don't like to see how I wear myself out mentally