
clown_17
Almost gone, it almost worked
- Oct 24, 2020
- 288
I fear death only because it isn't a choice anymore. I was totally at peace in the past attempting because my mental state had become hell and the only way to escape that was death. Currently however my mental state is slightly better and I have some things in life that I genuinley want to do, a bit of life I want to live. Although this time around it's my life situation that's making all that impossible, and so it almost feels like I'm being killed instead of killing myself. And that's what's scary, because it's not really me ending it. But currently these days I panic going to sleep imagining that it was my last night. Although then when I wake up I wish it really was the end. It's just a horrible cycle