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clown_17

clown_17

Almost gone, it almost worked
Oct 24, 2020
288
I fear death only because it isn't a choice anymore. I was totally at peace in the past attempting because my mental state had become hell and the only way to escape that was death. Currently however my mental state is slightly better and I have some things in life that I genuinley want to do, a bit of life I want to live. Although this time around it's my life situation that's making all that impossible, and so it almost feels like I'm being killed instead of killing myself. And that's what's scary, because it's not really me ending it. But currently these days I panic going to sleep imagining that it was my last night. Although then when I wake up I wish it really was the end. It's just a horrible cycle
 
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Reactions: Spiny Lobster and woxihuanni
voyager

voyager

Don't you dare go hollow...
Nov 25, 2019
963
I'm just afraid of the fact that you won't know you're dead. It mind fucks with me because of being suicidal as we won't know if we succeeded in killing ourselves or not.

This bothers me as well. Obviously I don't want to suffer but given the choice I'd probably rate reliability over peacefulness. I'd actually welcome a situation (within means) where I'd be sure to die with no way out. Could see that as being quite comforting and ultimately more peaceful, even if it maybe wasn't.
 

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