Discussion are you actually gonna do it or is it just to cope?

[Mooncry]

The world tricked me into believing suicide was the easy way out. I became very disillusioned very fast that it is, in fact, the hardest thing someone could ever do. I don't do it to cope. I genuinely do want to do it and do believe I eventually will. I just think it's always been inevitable for me. As for when, I really don't know. I'm too scared right now, and I have no idea when I won't be. Maybe never, and I just end up having to do it despite that fear and inability to make peace. I'm waiting for the impulse to hit I guess.

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

I absolutely want to. I had certain methods in mind. But then when I found this site, I found out those methods were very unreliable. And most other methods mentioned sound horrible as well. Like I've said before, it's nowhere near as easy to do in real life as it's depicted in TV shows and movies. If there was doctor assisted suicide available to me, I wouldn't hesitate.

 

[Ioneliness]

I'm definitely scared of many things, but I'm probably going to hang myself on Thursday

unrelated but nice pfp u have good taste. sorry u feel this way ofc

 

[fadedghost]

I'm definitely scared of many things, but I'm probably going to hang myself on Thursday

What is your reason? You dont have to say and sorry for imposing if asking seems strange.

i realized that i only ever think about suicide as a way to cope for difficult situations in my life. i don't think ill ever actually do it. im too much of a coward and a delusional retard. i always subconsciously think my life will somehow get better even though it's only gotten worse. but that delusion keeps me from making any permanent decisions.

wbu? do you feel the same or are you genuinely gonna do it?

I totally relate to this. I feel the same way, but also have seriously attempted before, so I am not sure if this is just coping or accepting it will likely happen. I've been suicidal a while now and feel less suicidal recently, but still suicidal, so I don't know what will happen. Despite a prior attempt, I have major SI.

 

[itsallogrenow]

Which method are you considering?

Before this forum I always thought OD was one of the best options. Boy was I wrong

10g Amitriptyline, 3.6g Propanolol w/ grapefruit juice.

 

[Front Back]

I'm sorry everyone but as of now I'm still a larper to death.

 

[silentroom123]

What is your reason? You dont have to say and sorry for imposing if asking seems strange.

I totally relate to this. I feel the same way, but also have seriously attempted before, so I am not sure if this is just coping or accepting it will likely happen. I've been suicidal a while now and feel less suicidal recently, but still suicidal, so I don't know what will happen. Despite a prior attempt, I have major SI.

No it's alright, it's a long story like most people here. Mainly mental illness and trauma.

 

[complex]

It only works as a cope for so long. Eventually your brain wisens up to the ruse, and it doesn't work anymore. You don't get relief because deep down you know you aren't going to do it.

So then you have to start taking actions. To get that same relief. Writing a note, buying a gun, etc. Steps to prove to yourself that you're serious.

Then it eventually comes down to whether you're impulsive enough to take the final step.

Yeah why yeah that really rings true! So unfair as i was a lit more settled when my brain thought i could and would but now haven't, yeah it needs me to get the stuff to,test the stuff to and write notes even tell people it won't be if it be when....

I have many attempts under my belt and each one failing made me angry. I never wanted to live a long life but at this point I want to actively avoid existing.

Same

The world tricked me into believing suicide was the easy way out. I became very disillusioned very fast that it is, in fact, the hardest thing someone could ever do. I don't do it to cope. I genuinely do want to do it and do believe I eventually will. I just think it's always been inevitable for me. As for when, I really don't know. I'm too scared right now, and I have no idea when I won't be. Maybe never, and I just end up having to do it despite that fear and inability to make peace. I'm waiting for the impulse to hit I guess.

Yeah my attempts were real tries to exit and i was in a place of true emptiness but at the moment people(professionals) are trying to help and that makes me feel comforted in some level as no one ever really has before and this kicks my SI into play!! And makes me query if its the only answer i have to this life of ME and my ways til now i kinda hope they vanish as nice as the warmth of their support is as it is only temporary and i still want out and they delaying it

 

[extremelyugly]

Both but only because where I live doing it in a "painless" (or better, quick and effective) way is very hard. This country is jail itself. Oh and also because I'm scared of failing (with other less certain methods).

 

[violetforever]

i cant imagine another end to my life so yes, eventually

 

[Forever Sleep]

I so hope that I will eventually do it but, I have used it as a coping mechanism throughout life too.

It's feeling more and more like I have to do it in fact- because I can't stand this life.

 

[suncide10]

right now it's coping however I tried partial hanging 2 times out if curiosity, and 1 time I really tried to hang myself to death but chickened out. I decided to live now, and if everything goes bad I will CTB.

 

[LonelyForest]

Honestly, I don't even really know anymore. I tried to CTB twice before finding this forum, of course. After my last attempt, I've just been making plans over and over again, trying to find a perfect, painless way out. But everything has become so difficult due to my family's constant surveillance. Maybe searching for a perfect way out of this crappy world has become a coping mechanism, but I think my life will most likely end by my own hands.

 

[b1cycle]

I think the only people with an answer to this question are those who have tried to kill themselves

 

[Seneca65AD]

Definitely used CTB ideation to cope with situations I found difficult. I did actually hit bottom enough to give it a few shots - used pills and alcohol. Unfortunately my party days in my youth seemed to have given me a great immunity to overdosing to the point of actual death.

Also, I seem to be living proof of the maxim "success is 90% just showing up". By using CTB to cope, I go ahead with things that cause me anxiety which feeds into my depression. However, the things I try usually work out which then reduces the CTB urges. I've actually become quite successful (objectively) by usng CTB as my emotional crutch.

But, given my advancing age and the fact I am heavily insured, I see my suicide as inevitable - perhaps not immediate - but it is going to happen (it just needs the right trigger).

 

[byec560]

Probably cope tbh. If I was truly serious I wouldn't be planning on moving. If I was serious I wouldn't be so worried about my damn thesis paper. If I was serious, etc. etc. But sometimes the sun goes down and everything just feels so unbearable. I feel a drop in my stomach and I frantically browse the internet hoping there will be somewhere selling a rope late at night, even though obviously there is no such place. Every day I feel a little bit more sick thinking about how nothing will ever change. How nobody cares about me. How nobody cares about anybody else. It's just so fucking hard. I have to tell myself that I'll do something about it or else I don't know what I'll do with myself.

It only works as a cope for so long. Eventually your brain wisens up to the ruse, and it doesn't work anymore. You don't get relief because deep down you know you aren't going to do it.

So then you have to start taking actions. To get that same relief. Writing a note, buying a gun, etc. Steps to prove to yourself that you're serious.

Then it eventually comes down to whether you're impulsive enough to take the final step.

God I hope so.

 

[nosense-user]

Im most likely actually going to do it

 

[thousandislandstare]

I almost feel like I contain two people who are always arguing with one another when it comes to this. I sometimes feel like a fraud, like I am not doing enough to work towards it to really be suicidal. I overthink how I should do it or how things should be when I would no longer be alive.

 

[peacebenow]

i realized that i only ever think about suicide as a way to cope for difficult situations in my life. i don't think ill ever actually do it. im too much of a coward and a delusional retard. i always subconsciously think my life will somehow get better even though it's only gotten worse. but that delusion keeps me from making any permanent decisions.

wbu? do you feel the same or are you genuinely gonna do it?

This is not a coping mechanism for me.

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

It's been 6 months since i've been thinking about it all the time, yet i havent't jumped the gun despite multiple "attempts".

I'm waiting for a mean to arrive so i can hopefully meet my end but who knows if i will have the guts to go for it.

There's never a day where i doubt that i need to do it, i thought it would be easier, only reason why i lasted so long unfortunately.

 

[klvrtuw5]

I think my attitude can be summarized by the quote:

"When you have the key, and you can unlock the cell door, your situation is no longer a prison; now you're choosing to be there and can leave whenever you please"

So yeah, it might just be a really elaborate cope, especially since the ideation comes in waves. But at what point does it become something more if you also sign up for this website, buy a shotgun, buy bullets, make a plan to leave your stuff to people, and worry about all these other minuscule details? Do I really want to leave, or do I want the option to leave on my terms at any time I want?

 

[NonEssential]

Difficult to say. I can't see myself going on for very long but my only available ctb methods would be hanging or train, yet I can't find any reliable and secluded hanging spot. I really don't want to go for the latter method so I'll keep looking.

 

[itwonttakelong]

I think having the option helps me cope. If I think of life in terms of absolutely having to live it, I feel hopeless and demotivated to keep going. I'm unable to imagine a future past a couple of years at most, and that's stretching it. But researching methods, gathering supplies, practicing and attempting all remind me that there is another option, that I'm in control, and that I make the choices I want to make. Now I see my life belongs to me and all. I usually feel better afterwards. I've seriously attempted before and I know I will again, but right now I'm just gathering information and it helps me a lot. So maybe it's a mix of both. I'm coping right now, but I know one day it'll be bad enough for me to do it again. I can feel it coming up.

 

[urgent]

I definitely have to I'm looking for a partner in or who can come to New York asap

 

[vexana]

at the moment, coping mechanism to my shitty life situations. the feeling of hopelessness and emptiness have not gone away for so long. but i think i will eventually do it.

 

[Surek]

In my case, at the moment, it actually works as a coping mechanism, but only in combination with SI, which I am currently trying to fight. If it weren't for SI, I would already be dead. On the other hand, if it didn't work as a coping mechanism, I would have been dead even sooner

---

Without the idea of suicide, I would have killed myself long ago

 

[ZeroRedz02]

i realized that i only ever think about suicide as a way to cope for difficult situations in my life. i don't think ill ever actually do it. im too much of a coward and a delusional retard. i always subconsciously think my life will somehow get better even though it's only gotten worse. but that delusion keeps me from making any permanent decisions.

wbu? do you feel the same or are you genuinely gonna do it?

I literally feel the same thing, but i don't know why but i have the sensation that i did already joined this forum alot and alot of years ago and me having the deja-vu that i am repeating this steps to trying to get an SN source so i could finally buy it and ending this once for all, but also a bit coward on it.

 

[cait_sith]

I will do it, and prove everyone I'm serious, it's not sustainable anymore for me to wanting to be dead for do long and still live

 

[suicidia]

i will someday i swear .......... as the host of a system i dont get much time to myself which is why i havent cut in a while and my intake is up but i know once i get enough time to myself ill do it ive tried a billion times

 

[d-tea]

I have tried before, but now I have no intention anymore. I am not happy, but I can bear living, currently, and I have some hopes that I could enjoy it someday, even if that day isn't now.
Sometimes I still consider it as a way of coping, keeping the option if things get worse, but I do plan on getting help before I actually start seriously considering something like that again.