Venting Are we all truly useless or do I really have no purpose?

[3/4Dead]

Yes, I know, life has the meaning you give it, and it's ridiculous to expect each and every person to hold incredible, irreplacable value, but with a headcount of 8 billion I feel like it's only reasonable to reconsider utilitarianism, no?

Really, more specifically, I'm having a bit of a crisis. I've always made decisions based on what is easiest for the people around me, but as I've gotten older, and less dependant upon other people, I'm feeling awful about the money my parents spend on my going to university if I'm doing nothing special, nothing spectacular. If I'm just going to go into a career where I won't be needed, where others who are much smarter, much more affluent than I am, who are better than I could ever be, why waste everyones time and money? Why waste space and resources?

If I am going to be this useless for the rest of my life why not die now? Why continue living when it is not only harder for everyone, but I serve no purpose?

Christ, I just feel so miserable. I didn't want to be alive before, and it was nothing but selfish, but now I feel selfish living.

It's late. ive got work in the morning. this is all over the place, so I've marked it as a vent, but I'd love to read others thoughts once im more well rested.

Peace, and love.
3/4

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Usually it's about finding what your purpose in life is, sometimes that can take a long time, sometimes not.

I'm still figuring mine out, but I'm pretty sure everyone has one.

I feel like mine is to take care of others, because I'm good at that. But right now I'm focusing on my own shit first. I have helped others a lot, so it's time to sort me out now, then I can help others in the future.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Everybody and everything is useless in the long run. That's just how it is. Even the people who you look up to are useless

 

[sugarb]

Yes, I know, life has the meaning you give it, and it's ridiculous to expect each and every person to hold incredible, irreplacable value, but with a headcount of 8 billion I feel like it's only reasonable to reconsider utilitarianism, no?

Really, more specifically, I'm having a bit of a crisis. I've always made decisions based on what is easiest for the people around me, but as I've gotten older, and less dependant upon other people, I'm feeling awful about the money my parents spend on my going to university if I'm doing nothing special, nothing spectacular. If I'm just going to go into a career where I won't be needed, where others who are much smarter, much more affluent than I am, who are better than I could ever be, why waste everyones time and money? Why waste space and resources?

If I am going to be this useless for the rest of my life why not die now? Why continue living when it is not only harder for everyone, but I serve no purpose?

Christ, I just feel so miserable. I didn't want to be alive before, and it was nothing but selfish, but now I feel selfish living.

It's late. ive got work in the morning. this is all over the place, so I've marked it as a vent, but I'd love to read others thoughts once im more well rested.

Peace, and love.
3/4

I'm in a similar boat, unfortunately. Does the world really need another accountant? Eh. Do I want to be an accountant? Not really, it was just the least miserable sounding option. And now I'm heading into 4 more years of school. I have decades of boredom and misery punctuated by fleeting moments of skin deep pleasure ahead of me. If I could I'd stop this train right now before they spend a bunch of money on a future I don't even want. :( My grades are supposed to do most of the heavy lifting for college fees but it's not a free ride even then

I hope death is actually an escape.

also no worries about tone or clarity or etc it's like 4:50 here and i'm feeling like an incoherent little bitch myself

 

[LaVieEnRose]

"Most of us have to face the reality that our greatest aspirations and potential not only won't be realized, but that we will never approach them. When that awful moment of enlightenment arrives, the ethical response is to just keep charging ahead, trying to get better, work harder, be a good co-worker, colleague, neighbor, friend, parent, spouse, family member, whatever it takes. That moment is disappointing, sure, but it need not be devastating, nor should it be seen as a brand of failure. We succeed in life, and become ethical human beings, not by becoming the best, most powerful, most famous, but by doing the best we can do. What levels of success others achieve is not our standard, except to recognize a fellow Earth occupant's good work."

 

[silentnights56]

Humanity has been stuck in a pointless cycle for too long

 

[3/4Dead]

I feel like mine is to take care of others, because I'm good at that.

I relate to that, but I worry that, for me, that's not good enough. That just being kind of helpful isn't good enough.

I'm in a similar boat, unfortunately. Does the world really need another accountant? Eh. Do I want to be an accountant? Not really, it was just the least miserable sounding option. And now I'm heading into 4 more years of school. I have decades of boredom and misery punctuated by fleeting moments of skin deep pleasure ahead of me. If I could I'd stop this train right now before they spend a bunch of money on a future I don't even want. :( My grades are supposed to do most of the heavy lifting for college fees but it's not a free ride even then

I hope death is actually an escape.

also no worries about tone or clarity or etc it's like 4:50 here and i'm feeling like an incoherent little bitch myself

This is exactly it. I'm giving uni the year, and if my birthday next year I'm not hit with that drive everyone talks about I'm checking out, I aslo hope it is a true escape. Phew. Godspeed to both of us.

Humanity has been stuck in a pointless cycle for too long

Honestly, it probably has.

 

[divinemistress36]

I think our purpose is just to "Learn and experience" which is mostly suffering

 

[sugarb]

This is exactly it. I'm giving uni the year, and if my birthday next year I'm not hit with that drive everyone talks about I'm checking out, I aslo hope it is a true escape. Phew. Godspeed to both of us.

My birthday's in fifteen minutes. Hopefully I'll be out of here before the big 20…

Godspeed.

 

[JustA_LittlePerson]

My birthday's in fifteen minutes. Hopefully I'll be out of here before the big 20…

Godspeed.

Happy bday. Go do something fun today, just plain living isn't easy after all. You deserve it

 

[sugarb]

Happy bday. Go do something fun today, just plain living isn't easy after all. You deserve it

Thank you, I'll try. <3

 

[Randy Savage]

Your purpose is something you have to find on your own. It's not about being the best, it's about being able to be there for the people you love and doing what you love.

If you think of life too objectively, you're going to run into a million "what if I'm not good enough?" thoughts. Someone will always be better, especially if your pursuit is material in nature, and that's okay. Every goal you could ever have in life requires a personal journey and you can't give up because you're just one of the many.

You're not just some cog in the machine. You're a thinking, feeling person who probably has 10x the depth of a billionaire. Do something that makes you happy, and find someone that makes you happy to do it with. And fuck money.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I've gotten to a stage where I'm sick and tired of trying to be made to feel guilty by parents and family members. I don't think they necessarily do it intentionally. Rather, I think it's what they grew up with so, they're just repeating the pattern. And I suppose they accepted it so, they expect me to as well. I just don't feel willing to anymore though.

I mean- in physical reality I do. I work my arse off to support myself. I'm also currently doing the creative 'career' I trained in. Still- it isn't financially very sound at all. So- that obviously concerns my parents.

I also pretty much invite criticism by telling them what I'm worried about and where I'm failing. I find people tend to try and find solutions to problems (with good intentions of course) but that tends to fall within criticism of what you're currently doing- find a better paid job, become more efficient at it, ask for more money. Ultimately though, I think they'd be fine with me wage slaving again if it meant there was less risk of me failing financially and needing their help. Because- as I've been told numerous times- they hated their job too.

I suppose that's what I think it comes down to ultimately. Of course parents would like to see their children happy. They'd love to proudly boast that they fulfilled their dreams and are now some famous athlete, musician, writer, scientist- whatever. But, the world doesn't always reward us for working hard. So many of us will simply have to settle for jobs we didn't train in. That aren't really to do with what really interests us. Maybe jobs that we utterly hate!

And, our parents likely knew that was the reality. They likely went through the same thing themselves. I simply don't think it's fair to do that to someone. Bring them into this world to effectively be another slave to capitalism with the tinniest chance that they may actually be able to feel fulfilled through their work.

So, I've gotten to a stage where my long embedded guilt has turned into antinatilist resentment. Basically put- none of this is my fault. I think it's unreasonable to bring a sentient being here and expect it to perform brilliantly and not become a burden on you. Or, to treat it like a physical insurance where- you hope it will physically meet all your needs because you did the same when it was an infant. I just don't think it's fair to do that to someone.

 

[Darkover]

Literally nothing that any of us will ever do in our lives will have any effect on the universe whatsoever.
Our presence in this place is so minuscule that it's nearly totally non existent when compared to the vastness of everything else out there.
If every single human being died right now it wouldn't make a shred of difference. None of us are important to the bigger picture in any way. We are all totally disposable.

 

[alltoomuch2]

Usually it's about finding what your purpose in life is, sometimes that can take a long time, sometimes not.

I'm still figuring mine out, but I'm pretty sure everyone has one.

I feel like mine is to take care of others, because I'm good at that. But right now I'm focusing on my own shit first. I have helped others a lot, so it's time to sort me out now, then I can help others in the future

I'm certainly useless with no purpose. I'm 61 now and I spent 60 years just surviving successive hardships and traumas so I didn't have time to think about it (altho I did o/d in my 20's and wanted to ctb when I was about 10). Then I had a breakdown last year and am trying to recover. But there is no purpose to my life. I have no self esteem with good reason because although I really want to help others, people don't take to me because I'm superficial, boring, fat and ugly and every time I try to help someone it goes wrong and makes everything worse. So in my fantasy land I have a purpose in helping other people but in real life I'm stupid, rejected, with no friends, partner or career, and not much prospect of that changing. And I'm regularly reminded of the truth, despite trying to avoid people. I'm being helped by a new psych nurse at the moment so I'll do what he says and try my best, but in my clearer moments I know the truth and I know the eventual outcome. I have a ctb drawer with various stuff I'll need, and I've just ordered SN. I'll post on here if nothing changes and the decision is made for me.

Your purpose is something you have to find on your own. It's not about being the best, it's about being able to be there for the people you love and doing what you love.

If you think of life too objectively, you're going to run into a million "what if I'm not good enough?" thoughts. Someone will always be better, especially if your pursuit is material in nature, and that's okay. Every goal you could ever have in life requires a personal journey and you can't give up because you're just one of the many.

You're not just some cog in the machine. You're a thinking, feeling person who probably has 10x the depth of a billionaire. Do something that makes you happy, and find someone that makes you happy to do it with. And fuck money.

Easier said than done though, surely.

Humanity has been stuck in a pointless cycle for too long

Agree. and most people seem oblivious to that. How do they do it?

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Someone will always be better, especially if your pursuit is material in nature, and that's okay.

It sucks that no matter how hard I work at something someone will always be better.

 

[Spreadingmywings]

We are god playing hide and seek

 

[alltoomuch2]

I think our purpose is just to "Learn and experience" which is mostly suffering

Damn. Now you sound like my MH worker lol
I think a good purpose would be to help people who don't want to die like we do to find happiness in their lives if they have physical or mental ill health. To improve the lives of others. I suppose working for dignitas would fall into this category! Of course you have to be the sort of person that makes others feel good, and I do the opposite. So I feel doubly awful - firstly people don't like me, secondly I do the opposite of what I'd like my purpose to be :-(