hella.physched

hella.physched

Member
May 13, 2023
36
Are we all fucked from the start?

The first time i ever tried killing myself was when i was 12/13. At that time, i didn't fathom how someone so young can be in so much pain. This isn't invalidating those who develop suicidal tendencies/ depression later in life, but those who had it from the start were robbed of every life experience in someway.
Im 20 now, but i feel like the past 8+ years went by in a haze. Everyday is blurred together. I feel like my childhood was one long survival game.
Every. Single. Painful experience builds up. Its like im carrying the pain of my first break up at 15 along with the pain of my first day at school at 6, along with the people ive lost at 18.
It kinda hurts how older ppl will know im suicidal & tell me that im "still young" that "theres alot for me to look forward to" cause thats what hurts the most. Im still young to feel this much pain. & it's honestly so sad that all im looking forward to is ending this pain.
Its been years, & child me is tired, teenage me is exhausted, & this adult version of me is SO DONE.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
38,879
I think the older people who invalidate the the wish to die of those who are younger really are so insensitive, I cannot stand people like that. Those people are just blinded by their delusions, and yes it truly is something so hopeless having the ability to exist here, we are only destined for even more suffering, loss and decay, one is certainly doomed as soon as they are forced into this world, it's certainly why the only relief lies in death, as nobody can be harmed by not existing.
 
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yive

yive

life is evil
Nov 6, 2020
696
I think that some people just have nothing more to be proud of than the fact that they have reached a certain age, and they try to egoistically assert themselves at the expense of younger ones, sometimes it's out of envy, and it's disgusting. often such behavior is caused by misconceptions like "life is good and better than death", sometimes the desire to gatekeep the right to die for young comes from the wish to assert themselves & raise self-esteem by creating unnecessary restrictions, as if it must be "earned" first like a privilege. I think many people in this world are proponents of the principle "it's good when everyone is forced to suffer", they see it as "justice" and they think it's a good solution, and it's really so stupid and irrational. and also it is true that we are all doomed from the start, of course
 
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hella.physched

hella.physched

Member
May 13, 2023
36
I think the older people who invalidate the the wish to die of those who are younger really are so insensitive, I cannot stand people like that. Those people are just blinded by their delusions, and yes it truly is something so hopeless having the ability to exist here, we are only destined for even more suffering, loss and decay, one is certainly doomed as soon as they are forced into this world, it's certainly why the only relief lies in death, as nobody can be harmed by not existing.
The idea of death being a peaceful long nothingness is so reassuring. The idea of always having a way out is calming.
But growing up in a really religious environment, (am an atheist/agnostic) the possibility of being punished for wanting to end my pain is so fkn scary. Even tho i don't believe in hell.