I am extremely afraid of death, ironically, with how much I think about ways of dying.
I'm afraid of destination or no destination. What will I see? or think? Will I think at all?
I get panic attacks from my intrusive thoughts (As an old therapist called it) about it. I can't help it when I think about the "After". I get so scared I feel the need to scream and call out for my mother, even though I know she's not there to respond. It got so bad to a point where I went on meds just for the intrusive thoughts.
When I was a child I used to go to sleep with my hand on my chest to feel my heart beating. To give me "reassurance" that I was still alive during my sleep.