I like being social despite my social anxiety.
This year has not been kind to me. Basically been alone and felt lonely all year, with a few exceptions. 2024 was a slightly better, I had some routine social experiences for a couple weeks at a time. It's okay when I start feeling comfortable being with two or three people. Just going for a drive somewhere. Eating a hot dog at gas station... Just chatting and laughing. The type of people I'm with plays a big role in how I feel. I like people who are not too serious and laugh a lot, are 'firecrackers'.
And I love team sports. But I feel it's been so long now, a couple years, that I need to restart. Step one may be going to the gym, which my support system offers me (3 times a week) - Could be an arena for getting in contact with circles that host bandy, football or volley ball sessions for example. It's my fault that I haven't taken advantage of what they offer me, but I haven't felt good enough. Too anxious, or generally not in the mood (depressed and tired). I've been to the gym a few times this year. Feeling so anxious when I go. I sweat easily, but I suppose that is considered normal at a gym. Dunno why I should feel this way because everyone is nice, basically, and there are usually not too many people there.
The anxiety reduces slowly with time, people talk to me and I feel like I can give sensible enough responses - a feeling of normal social interaction boosts my confidence a little, in turn reducing anxiety.
If I have bragging rights I also feel I'm adequate at sports. Though I always felt spikes in anxiety when it's my turn serving the ball in volley. I know all focus is one me. Trying to think it's all in my head. It's about a 50/50 that I can make a fair serve, or even sometimes an ace.
I'll try to go to the gym more in 2026. Try to take more initiatives myself. See how it works out. How the year starts out in the first couple months. Can it really get worse? Do I have anything to lose?
Sorry for the rant.