Are physical appearance issues part of the reason you want to ctb?

[ConstantPain]

@tser1073

My parents were married in a catholic church and demanded that the priest get rid of the part of the vows promising to "Obey" the husband...... its Pretty barbaric that beliefs such as that still exist.

I got married outside by a judge and wanted no part of religious overtones and there was no way I'd say "obey".
Losing that is way overdue and honestly, I didn't care about getting married at all. I did it because he really wanted to but I also refused to change my name.

People tell me I'm attractive but it's been both a help and a hindrance. It's disgusting to have to go through sexual harassment at work and when I 'd go out and try to enjoy myself. Yes, it probably helped with being able to hook up in my younger years and "land a mate" but all that fades anyways and my happiest time in life was when I was single, living by myself in a little apartment with a cat.

 

[want2dienow]

no
when mental anguish becomes physical
i feel it in my head, my heart, my arms
i feel like im gonna die, but i never, so i try to other suicide methods

 

[Forever Sleep]

It used to bother me more. I still feel uncomfortable and embarrassed around people but I can't say it's a big reason for me wanting to ctb.

I felt it the most intensely when I had crushes on people. Since then though, I've realised they were all crazy obsessive limerance. For one particular crush, I lost 5 stone and made a big effort to try and impress him. People would compliment me on the vague improvement and although I was undoubtedly physically healthier, my mental state was screwed.

I'm much more resigned/comfortable with being/staying single now. I don't actually want to be around anyone much. Although I realise that's not exactly a healthy mindset either.

Your different coloured eyes sound fascinating... Like David Bowie. I love Bowie. Is it because your pupil is larger in one eye than the other? I think that was the reason in his case. Anyway- screw the haters. People are so cruel to degrade other people.

 

[abyss]

Not my looks per se but I have a disgusting skin infection that looks awful and is incurable and very visible (not on my face though). It's one of the main reasons I want to CTB, although moreso because it's a virus I can't get rid of (OCD) than how unsightly it looks.

 

[purella]

I have injured my face multiple times. It has left me with a several time broken nose,eyes which are two different colours, among other injuries . People always mention my eyes and I feel like a freak. People used to mention them to say how nice they were but no one does that anymore.
Maybe it sounds mad to you, but these things honestly are part of the reason I want to ctb. Anyone in the same boat?

Yeah, my dad broke my nose twice. I can't breathe and have a host of other issues resulting; comparing before and after pics it's ruined my appearance, throwing off symmetry and proportions. It's one thing to be born ugly, another to become it. Same with intelligence as I've had 6 concussions. In elementary school I skipped 3 grades of math and awards in every contest I entered for writing, a few months ago I dropped out of college because I couldn't handle any of my classes because of the part of my brain that makes new memories stopped working years ago and shows no signs of recovery. Neglectful or just stupid parents meant a shitty diet and pisspoor sleep throughout childhood thanks to sharing a room with my sister 7 years older = stunted development. If physical abuse is the fudge on top of this shit Sunday then sustained mental abuse -- often taking form in blaming and deriding me for my current state, and then threatening or assaulting when I point out how they're responsible, followed by keeping me trapped in their home and then applauding themselves for their work -- is the cherry on top.

Lost potential is endlessly painful and it's pervaded every aspect of my life like a disease that takes 10 years to set in. Happiness in others is smothering, when I try to relate to people or even just walking around all I can do is wonder why the heaps of shit werent a bit more evenly distributed on top of everybody.