N
noname223
Archangel
- Aug 18, 2020
- 5,881
This s not my opinion. But this comment made me think.
Is it weird being in a suicide forum but not plannning to ctb soon? Of course it could happen anytime that the psychosomatic pain returns if I get a new psychosis. My brain is pretty unstable. There was one member who said the forum should only be open for people who ctb soon. I also don't agree with this opinion. This would pressure people too much to finally do it. It is okay to be ambivalent there should be no exogenous pressure. Of course there is often this pressure due to horrible life circumstances.
I don't know this stance somehow hit me and evoked this questions. I think it is imporatant always to reflect about one's actions. Clearly I am not manipulative. Maybe I want attention so that other people see my pain? It feels good when people say they can relate. And I hope I make other people feel less alone when I open up about my feelings. Maybe this is only a defence. However I think I should not be too harsh on myself. Of course I hate myself for different reasons. But I should not hate myself for searching help, communion and empathy in this forum. Too many in this forum are way too harsh with themselves.
Oh and this counts for every well-meaning forum member too. I don't want to offend any of you. As I laid out i don't believe in this stance. But it was interesting to elaborate on it.
I don't want to talk bad about a deceased member. I just want to take up his thought. I asked myself if am I emotionless or numb because I am not crying all day when I visit this forum. There is so much pain and desperation. But instead it comforts me not to be alone. On the other side sometimes it is too much for me and I ruminate about members and their fate before I go to sleep.People are very open and vulnerable here, it's better than watching a soap opera...
This place has some real potential to be a great hunting place for some seriously manipulative narcissist/psychopath abuser. Those people who have been members for years kind of creep me out. Don't look at me, i will CTB in the end of the month unless miracles happen.
Is it weird being in a suicide forum but not plannning to ctb soon? Of course it could happen anytime that the psychosomatic pain returns if I get a new psychosis. My brain is pretty unstable. There was one member who said the forum should only be open for people who ctb soon. I also don't agree with this opinion. This would pressure people too much to finally do it. It is okay to be ambivalent there should be no exogenous pressure. Of course there is often this pressure due to horrible life circumstances.
I don't know this stance somehow hit me and evoked this questions. I think it is imporatant always to reflect about one's actions. Clearly I am not manipulative. Maybe I want attention so that other people see my pain? It feels good when people say they can relate. And I hope I make other people feel less alone when I open up about my feelings. Maybe this is only a defence. However I think I should not be too harsh on myself. Of course I hate myself for different reasons. But I should not hate myself for searching help, communion and empathy in this forum. Too many in this forum are way too harsh with themselves.
Oh and this counts for every well-meaning forum member too. I don't want to offend any of you. As I laid out i don't believe in this stance. But it was interesting to elaborate on it.
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