Help Anyone with knowledge about police policy in the US?

[willitpass]

I will be CTB in a hotel in a few days. If all goes well I'll be dead well before they find me. If I'm alive I'll be taken to a hospital where my emergency contacts are already listed as I'm a standing patient at the closest hospital to this hotel. If I'm dead, however, how do they notify family/next of kin? I'm asking as I have been estranged from my mother for years. I do not want her to know I am dead until after the funeral as she does not deserve the right to go to my funeral and would likely ruin it for everyone and make it all about her. Does anyone know how they identify who to notify about the death? If it's through medical records they would not find her information anywhere, but if it's some other legal process where my mother may be found, is there any way to interfere and prevent her from being notified by police?

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Bump, this is something I would like to know as well as I went to no contact with my abuser years ago and when the event of CTB occurs I do not want her to have access to anything in relation to me, not my belongings not my services if my chosen family wants to do that. I've done some looking and I'm not sure if this is something that qualifies as something that can be placed in a will or something similar.

 

[willitpass]

Bump, this is something I would like to know as well as I went to no contact with my abuser years ago and when the event of CTB occurs I do not want her to have access to anything in relation to me, not my belongings not my services if my chosen family wants to do that. I've done some looking and I'm not sure if this is something that qualifies as something that can be placed in a will or something similar.

There are things you can do to prevent belongings and money and such going to someone. A will and advanced directive will cover that. But I don't know how to prevent them being notified by law enforcement.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

There are things you can do to prevent belongings and money and such going to someone. A will and advanced directive will cover that. But I don't know how to prevent them being notified by law enforcement.

That's what I came up with as well on m end. Idk if this is something someone could run a prompt through ChatGPT for? Google etc doesn't offer the clearest answers on how to prevent certain people from being contacted at all.

 

[landslide2]

The police would start with any ID found on the person, state ID or drivers license. If a cellphone is found and they can get in, they would try phoning some contacts. They may seek medical records to see if there's an emergency contact. In addition to DMV, they might check other databases for a birth certificate if no luck with ID card. I think they basically would have to do some investigating to locate next-of-kin if theres no obvious way to ID. Leaving contact information to be found would shortcut all this.

 

[willitpass]

The police would start with any ID found on the person, state ID or drivers license. If a cellphone is found and they can get in, they would try phoning some contacts. They may seek medical records to see if there's an emergency contact. In addition to DMV, they might check other databases for a birth certificate if no luck with ID card. I think they basically would have to do some investigating to locate next-of-kin if theres no obvious way to ID. Leaving contact information to be found would shortcut all this.

Would they actually trust a piece of paper stating who to notify? I've thought about doing that but worry they wouldn't be willing to just call a random number a dead person says to call. I suppose it can't hurt, worst case they just don't use it.

 

[landslide2]

Would they actually trust a piece of paper stating who to notify? I've thought about doing that but worry they wouldn't be willing to just call a random number a dead person says to call. I suppose it can't hurt, worst case they just don't use it.

They would definitely call that number, even from the point of view of starting an investigation looking for next-of-kin.

 

[justpathetic]

Would they actually trust a piece of paper stating who to notify? I've thought about doing that but worry they wouldn't be willing to just call a random number a dead person says to call. I suppose it can't hurt, worst case they just don't use it.

It really depends on the officer and the dept regs. Police take death notification VERY seriously. I know this from experience. When you get your driver's license they ask for next of kin/emergency numbers. This will be the first place leos will check. (Dmv) if your phone is available and unlocked they will check for numbers of most recent calls most often etc... they will then track down those people's addresses. You have to understand police will try as hard as possible to make notification in person with the dept chaplain usually. They don't like doing it over the phone and frankly it's a legal liability for them to do so. Bottom line they will try notify in person as hard as they can even if it's time consuming and only to legal next of kin unless they absolutely can't find them.

 

[willitpass]

It really depends on the officer and the dept regs. Police take death notification VERY seriously. I know this from experience. When you get your driver's license they ask for next of kin/emergency numbers. This will be the first place leos will check. (Dmv) if your phone is available and unlocked they will check for numbers of most recent calls most often etc... they will then track down those people's addresses. You have to understand police will try as hard as possible to make notification in person with the dept chaplain usually. They don't like doing it over the phone and frankly it's a legal liability for them to do so. Bottom line they will try notify in person as hard as they can even if it's time consuming and only to legal next of kin unless they absolutely can't find them.

As a single, childless adult, would my mother be notified as part of legal next of kin? I'm not sure where she even lives anymore, but I believe she's out of state now so it would be difficult to get to her in person. Her number isn't anywhere on my phone as we haven't even been in contact since I had an old number. My phone will be locked but I do have my emergency contacts set up to appear while locked. It's been so long since I last went to the DMV for license purposes that I couldn't tell you who I listed as emergency contacts there.

Update: I was able to locate my DMV emergency contacts and ensure my mother was not listed, not that I thought she would be.

 

[justpathetic]

Legally she is your next of kin. They have to notify her. What they will do is run her name contact her local police and do a notification in person most likely. They may use your emergency contacts to try and find her but they probably won't tell them why they're trying to find her.

 

[willitpass]

Legally she is your next of kin. They have to notify her. What they will do is run her name contact her local police and do a notification in person most likely. They may use your emergency contacts to try and find her but they probably won't tell them why they're trying to find her.

My emergency contact is my father. He is equally my legal next of kin and he is in agreeance with me about not wanting her notified. If they asked him her information he would tell them fuck no (and I don't think he even knows her information anymore either). Anyone directly in my life would be unwillingly and likely unable to provide her information. They would have to do some serious digging to find it, and I'm just hopeful that my listed emergency contacts are enough for them to stop the search.

 

[RoadBLOCK]

Who cares bro

 

[justpathetic]

My emergency contact is my father. He is equally my legal next of kin and he is in agreeance with me about not wanting her notified. If they asked him her information he would tell them fuck no (and I don't think he even knows her information anymore either). Anyone directly in my life would be unwillingly and likely unable to provide her information. They would have to do some serious digging to find it, and I'm just hopeful that my listed emergency contacts are enough for them to stop the search.

I don't know how it works when your parents aren't together. I would imagine they're legally obligated to find her still. Unless she's off the grid completely it's not that hard. Once they get her name they run it and if she has a license ever had a ticket/arrested was ever in the military etc.. they immediately know where she is and contact her local police or maybe call. Like I said it depends. They can all the info they need.

 

[willitpass]

Who cares bro

I do because her being notified will ruin the grieving process for my loved ones. They have earned the right to properly grieve me and have a service as they see fit. She has not. And I know that she would make everything about her, start blaming my family for my death, and otherwise make things hell for them. She ruined my childhood. She has not had the chance to ruin my adulthood. And I will not allow her to hurt my family with my death.

I don't know how it works when your parents aren't together. I would imagine they're legally obligated to find her still. Unless she's off the grid completely it's not that hard. Once they get her name they run it and if she has a license ever had a ticket/arrested was ever in the military etc.. they immediately know where she is and contact her local police or maybe call. Like I said it depends. They can all the info they need.

I don't think they're legally obligated to inform every next of kin present for an adult. I'd imagine making contact with one next of kin should be more than enough legal ground, especially if he tells them not to contact her. It's quite difficult to find good information about the logistics of it online.

 

[nir]

Unrelated, but this entire time I was 100% positive you lived in the UK and now I don't know why I thought this?

Who cares bro

Some people care about the people they leave behind. It's not up to us to dictate how people prepare for ctb.

 

[RoadBLOCK]

Unrelated, but this entire time I was 100% positive you lived in the UK and now I don't know why I thought this?


Some people care about the people they leave behind. It's not up to us to dictate how people prepare for ctb.

Why don't you get off your high horse a little and talk about the logic that says the dead don't care about their curse at all?

 

[willitpass]

Why don't you get off your high horse a little and talk about the logic that says the dead don't care about their curse at all?

I won't care about them when I'm dead but that doesn't mean I won't care about them until the last second I'm alive. So why don't you get off your high horse and talk about having a little bit of fucking empathy while you're still here.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Why don't you get off your high horse a little and talk about the logic that says the dead don't care about their curse at all?

Why don't you make another thread if you have such an issue and not derail a valid thread of information? Fuck.

 

[justpathetic]

I don't think they're legally obligated to inform every next of kin present for an adult. I'd imagine making contact with one next of kin should be more than enough legal ground, especially if he tells them not to contact her. It's quite difficult to find good information about the logistics of it online.

Yeah I just am not sure. I know legally she as well as your dad would be considered next of kin. Maybe if you put in your will not to notify her and left a note not to notify her? Remember as wild as it sounds a lot of their decision will be based on whether she could come back and sue them for not notifying her or trying. I know that sounds very mercenary but it's the truth. Police depts and cities have been sued many times for improper notification.

Why don't you get off your high horse a little and talk about the logic that says the dead don't care about their curse at all?

Well obviously the dead don't care but she's not fing dead yet is she??? Why don't you get off her thread??

 

[willitpass]

Yeah I just am not sure. I know legally she as well as your dad would be considered next of kin. Maybe if you put in your will not to notify her and left a note not to notify her? Remember as wild as it sounds a lot of their decision will be based on whether she could come back and sue them for not notifying her or trying. I know that sounds very mercenary but it's the truth. Police depts and cities have been sued many times for improper notification.

Well obviously the dead don't care but she's not fing dead yet is she??? Why don't you get off her thread??

I don't have a will. I've been meaning to make one for years now but have always been too daunted by the task of it. I know it's a big mistake to not make one, but the thought of doing it has always just caused me to mentally shut down. I'm regretting it a lot right now as I only have a few days left and am realizing that not having a will means there is nothing I can do to stop this from happening. All I can do is pray and pray they do not contact my mother. I hope that leaving my father as my emergency contact is enough for them to feel like they covered ground. I don't want her to ruin my family's grieving process. I don't want her within a 50 mile radius of my funeral. She did not earn that.

 

[justpathetic]

I don't have a will. I've been meaning to make one for years now but have always been too daunted by the task of it. I know it's a big mistake to not make one, but the thought of doing it has always just caused me to mentally shut down. I'm regretting it a lot right now as I only have a few days left and am realizing that not having a will means there is nothing I can do to stop this from happening. All I can do is pray and pray they do not contact my mother. I hope that leaving my father as my emergency contact is enough for them to feel like they covered ground. I don't want her to ruin my family's grieving process. I don't want her within a 50 mile radius of my funeral. She did not earn that.

If you have the money there are legitimate sites you can do a quick easy one on line. Or even if you contact an estate lawyer, if you already have one written up most have notaries in office and can file it for you if that is required in your state. Another thought is if you typed one up and printed it out and had on say the night stand or wrapped around your phone so it would be one of the first things police saw, that might give them pause long enough to not inform her. They don't like to muck about in civil matters and it should protect them from liability. Put Last will and testament in big letter on the top and make it look as official as possible

 

[willitpass]

If you have the money there are legitimate sites you can do a quick easy one on line. Or even if you contact an estate lawyer, if you already have one written up most have notaries in office and can file it for you if that is required in your state. Another thought is if you typed one up and printed it out and had on say the night stand or wrapped around your phone so it would be one of the first things police saw, that might give them pause long enough to not inform her. They don't like to muck about in civil matters and it should protect them from liability. Put Last will and testament in big letter on the top and make it look as official as possible

In my state a will has to be notorized in person to be valid. And my current will I wrote up is on the same paper as a suicide note. So unless I find the time and energy to type up a new one separate from the suicide note and take it to a bank to be notorized it would be null and void. This is the problem I keep running into. The thought of doing all of that paralyzes me.

 

[justpathetic]

In my state a will has to be notorized in person to be valid. And my current will I wrote up is on the same paper as a suicide note. So unless I find the time and energy to type up a new one separate from the suicide note and take it to a bank to be notorized it would be null and void. This is the problem I keep running into. The thought of doing all of that paralyzes me.

But thats what I'm saying. I've been following your threads and I didn't think you'd have the ability or desire to get one. You just have to make it look good enough that when your dad tells them he doesn't know where your mom is they won't feel like they "need" to find her. Remember police aren't lawyers and they just want to do the right thing while covering their own ass.(understandable) so if it looks official and you're dad says the same they may likely decides it's a civil issue and they're not liable for her notification.

 

[willitpass]

But thats what I'm saying. I've been following your threads and I didn't think you'd have the ability or desire to get one. You just have to make it look good enough that when your dad tells them he doesn't know where your mom is they won't feel like they "need" to find her. Remember police aren't lawyers and they just want to do the right thing while covering their own ass.(understandable) so if it looks official and you're dad says the same they may likely decides it's a civil issue and they're not liable for her notification.

Her name isn't anywhere on any of my things I will be bringing to the hotel with me. I'll be leaving my unofficial will stating she isn't to come to the funeral and ideally not receive any of my belongings lightly hidden in my apartment. Her name is nowhere on my phone, nowhere in my medical records, nowhere in my emergency contacts. For all they know my mother is dead based on a quick search. Do you think even after reaching my easily accessible father they would attempt to find her even if I didn't do this? I know you don't have official answers I'm just trying to sort this out as much as I can in the little time I have left.

 

[justpathetic]

Her name isn't anywhere on any of my things I will be bringing to the hotel with me. I'll be leaving my unofficial will stating she isn't to come to the funeral and ideally not receive any of my belongings lightly hidden in my apartment. Her name is nowhere on my phone, nowhere in my medical records, nowhere in my emergency contacts. For all they know my mother is dead based on a quick search. Do you think even after reaching my easily accessible father they would attempt to find her even if I didn't do this? I know you don't have official answers I'm just trying to sort this out as much as I can in the little time I have left.

I do think they will. Like I said it won't be hard for them unless she's living in AK out in the bush. All they'll do is look up your birth cert get her name punch it into national database. It can literally be done by dispatch while officers are waiting at the scene for the coroner. (Sorry if that sounds morbid or freaks you out)but police are also human so if you give them a good enough reason and they can feel good about themselves and not get in trouble they'll take the easy way. That's why I said make it look as official as possible for all they know it's a copy and the notarized version is with your dad or a lawyer. Wouldn't hurt to mail or delay email your dad a copy.

 

[eeah]

Why don't you get off your high horse a little and talk about the logic that says the dead don't care about their curse at all?

why are you such an asshole just log off

 

[Unbolted0605]

maybe you can sidestep her completely by getting married to a trusted friend.

I know that's complicated as fuck, but spouse beats parent in next of kin 'rock paper scissors' so they'd tell your spouse

 

[endofline2010]

If a cellphone is found and they can get in, they would try phoning some contacts.

This is super important to remember. Disable your fingerprint, face unlock, or anything other than a pin on your phone before you CTB.
For your computer, disable fingerprint, face unlock. Make sure you have a log-in password. Install Veracrypt/BitLocker so your drives can't be accessed.
Probably not a bad idea to log out of all your accounts on your phone as well. I know this is pretty easy on android.

If you bring your phone with you someplace, your location can be tracked until you shut it off AND place it in a Faraday bag (unless you have a phone with a removable battery).

 

[willitpass]

This is super important to remember. Disable your fingerprint, face unlock, or anything other than a pin on your phone before you CTB.
For your computer, disable fingerprint, face unlock. Make sure you have a log-in password. Install Veracrypt/BitLocker so your drives can't be accessed.
Probably not a bad idea to log out of all your accounts on your phone as well. I know this is pretty easy on android.

If you bring your phone with you someplace, your location can be tracked until you shut it off AND place it in a Faraday bag (unless you have a phone with a removable battery).

This place is the only thing I have to hide. Everything else is free game. And I don't care about being tracked, I'm going to a hotel. By the time anyone would be getting worried enough to call police to track my phone they'd already have found me when I didn't show up for check out.

 

[endofline2010]

This place is the only thing I have to hide. Everything else is free game. And I don't care about being tracked, I'm going to a hotel. By the time anyone would be getting worried enough to call police to track my phone they'd already have found me when I didn't show up for check out.

As far as not wanting your mother contacted - if she's in your contacts, change her name so there is no immediate association with you. But unless she's estranged to everyone, someone is going to let her know about you. I think (at least in the US), the police can pretty easily get a list of your immediate family members just from your SS# or ID. I'm sure the detective in charge will contact both your parents, because that's the normal process they would follow.