Hi,
My hands are trembling as I'm writing this. I registered here some 13 months ago. It was due to my fiance's death. In August 2024 @Darkhaze_ reached out to me to ask about some nitrogen related technicalities. She the decided that it was too much of a hassle to deal with, but we remained in contact. We quickly switched to discord. At the beginning she would write like once a week, the longest she kept quiet was for a month. But then it quickly turned into 4-5 hour long calls every day.
In February she told me she fell in love with me. I didn't think I was capable of such emotions after what happened to me, but she unlocked it in me. We were supposed to meet in real life, but somehow we couldn't make it work. This is going to be my biggest regret for the rest of my hopefully short life.
On the 29th of June she said "I don't know when or IF I'm going to speak to you again, but I'll try. I want you to remember that I love you very much. Thank you for showing me what it's like to be loved".
She said she would try. So I waited. I messaged her every day, hoping that she'll read my messages one day. But she never went quiet for this long.
Last week I went to London to try to find out what happened to her (I'm not from the UK). With the limited information she gave me I was able to find her apartment, but nobody answered the door. So I knocked on her neighbors' doors, until one of them opened. He told me about a lot of police and an ambulance a couple of months ago. He told me he heard she took her own life.
I don't know how she did it, I don't know her last name, I don't even know if her first name she told me was real. I don't even know where is a grave I could visit. But it doesn't matter I don't even know if I could go to London again, as the name of the city itself triggers me beyond belief now.
I miss the grief I felt last year when my fiance died. That grief was so hard I thought I couldn't live anymore. And now it seems like happy days in comparison. It's like a whole new level of trauma and suffering got unlocked. But I'm not here to whine.
I just wanted to ask if anyone knows anything about her. I saw she last signed in on June 29th, which would make sense. I know that she's dead, but I want to find out as much as I can. Please message me directly if you think what you know is too sensitive to be published. Thanks.
If I could tell her one last thing, it would be "thank you for showing me that I could love one last time"
My hands are trembling as I'm writing this. I registered here some 13 months ago. It was due to my fiance's death. In August 2024 @Darkhaze_ reached out to me to ask about some nitrogen related technicalities. She the decided that it was too much of a hassle to deal with, but we remained in contact. We quickly switched to discord. At the beginning she would write like once a week, the longest she kept quiet was for a month. But then it quickly turned into 4-5 hour long calls every day.
In February she told me she fell in love with me. I didn't think I was capable of such emotions after what happened to me, but she unlocked it in me. We were supposed to meet in real life, but somehow we couldn't make it work. This is going to be my biggest regret for the rest of my hopefully short life.
On the 29th of June she said "I don't know when or IF I'm going to speak to you again, but I'll try. I want you to remember that I love you very much. Thank you for showing me what it's like to be loved".
She said she would try. So I waited. I messaged her every day, hoping that she'll read my messages one day. But she never went quiet for this long.
Last week I went to London to try to find out what happened to her (I'm not from the UK). With the limited information she gave me I was able to find her apartment, but nobody answered the door. So I knocked on her neighbors' doors, until one of them opened. He told me about a lot of police and an ambulance a couple of months ago. He told me he heard she took her own life.
I don't know how she did it, I don't know her last name, I don't even know if her first name she told me was real. I don't even know where is a grave I could visit. But it doesn't matter I don't even know if I could go to London again, as the name of the city itself triggers me beyond belief now.
I miss the grief I felt last year when my fiance died. That grief was so hard I thought I couldn't live anymore. And now it seems like happy days in comparison. It's like a whole new level of trauma and suffering got unlocked. But I'm not here to whine.
I just wanted to ask if anyone knows anything about her. I saw she last signed in on June 29th, which would make sense. I know that she's dead, but I want to find out as much as I can. Please message me directly if you think what you know is too sensitive to be published. Thanks.
If I could tell her one last thing, it would be "thank you for showing me that I could love one last time"
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