Help Anyone struggling with limerence?

[Pomegranate]

I want to know how I can finally focus on me.

For the past five years, I've been struggling with limerence, i.e. a one-sided infatuation/obsession with a friend.

I stopped talking to her in early 2022. But even now, every day, I think of her. Everything happening in my life goes through the lens of her.

I want to finally be a bit more selfish and have my life revolve around me. I just don't know how. It feels like David v. Goliath.

 

[AbsurdCapybara]

I am that way with my husband. We're separated and I am absolutely lovesick for him. I think about him night and day, I cry everyday, sometimes multiple times a day because I miss him and I want him to be by my side and make me whole again. Everything I do is done in the hope of reconciliation. My job has been to focus more on myself, to work on myself and be a better person not for him, but for me. I have indeed made strides but in all honesty it's because I want to be good enough for him. I hate that my life revolves around loving and wanting to be with a person who is done with me.

 

[Raskolnikov's Axe]

Used to. About 3 years. It passed. I don't give a fuck about her now. Wish her all the best. She has no business interacting with a fucking loser.
Past the certain point, Limerence will fade. It is imperative for anyone experiencing it to kill the horribly idealized version of that person you have in your mind.

 

[zurukunai]

I want to know how I can finally focus on me.

For the past five years, I've been struggling with limerence, i.e. a one-sided infatuation/obsession with a friend.

I stopped talking to her in early 2022. But even now, every day, I think of her. Everything happening in my life goes through the lens of her.

I want to finally be a bit more selfish and have my life revolve around me. I just don't know how. It feels like David v. Goliath.

I've been a limerent sort my entire life and the only thing that ever worked was finding somebody else that reminds you strongly enough of the object of your obsession.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Cut contact and meet new people

 

[mellie5]

Hello - psychotherapy would be best. Same goes for capybara. Since you have been having the symptoms for years, a good psychotherapist or psychiatrist who is also a psychotherapist can help you to use mechanisms that are relevant for your age and situation. The "limerence" by itself should be seen in context - e.g. is it part of a full systhematised delusion or a consequence of a personality disorder?

to "make it go away" you should see a professional. "cut contact" is not really good advice without knowing your age, history, etc.

The prof. will try to help you find the root cause too, because you probably don't want to stop the limerence in this situation only to develop a new one with a new object of relation.

 

[WorthlessPasta]

Yes, I've been struggling for a few months with a work crush. There would be a conflict of interest if it happened, but I really wish he would show up at my door after work and "rescue" me, so to speak. It's really hard, but I'm trying to focus on getting a different job at least.