Discussion Anyone sad they didn't kill themselves years ago?

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

Like, it would've been better to die 2 years ago knowing everything I know now

 

[SunflowerBee$$]

I was going to kill myself two years ago but I chickened out. I'm really disappointed that I didn't try.

 

[ThisIsLife]

knowing everything I know now

Like what ?

 

[Seered Doom]

I would have liked to die in 2014-2015

 

[Division Day]

If I knew how bad things would get, I'd have done it as soon as I'd have been able to guarantee it. Every time things go to hell, I wish I'd done it a month before.

But mostly I regret missing out on when certain substances were apparently easyish to get.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I got really sick when I was young. I wish I would've died in the hospital. I hate that I talked myself or let someone else talk me out of ctb years ago. All hope is, is cope and delusion. I hate that humans are wired as "zero-sum" creatures. Where some must win and some must lose, but all must play. This is why suicide is seen as a negative.

But, yes, I hate every day that I clung to hope. I hate that I didn't do this at a much younger age.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel sad that I was unfortunate enough to be burdened with the ability to suffer in the first place, to exist in this reality is such a terrible and harmful burden, I hate how we cannot just easily die in peace despite the fact we were so cruelly forced here. I believe the less time spent here the better so of course I find it dreadful how I've managed to suffer for this long. Only never existing is true perfection to me.

 

[greebo6]

Oh yes, absolutely . I wish I had done it years ago when I was younger . I wanted to but never had the courage. Regret that now. I still want to and I'll have to do it soon but there's so much wasted time and so much pointless psychological and emotional pain. And its all been for nothing really.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

All the fucking time

 

[wannabeneet]

I was so fucking close. I hate this. should have died young rather than live a few more years of pain and trauma. and it would have been a good way to if I didn't get caught. literally missed a filled bottle from the medicine cabinet that would have led to success. but si kicked in and now just need something better

am surprised by how far gone doctors can go in icu to the point that idk if its even feasible 4me if not quick

 

[leloyon]

I am disappointed that I didn't kill myself when I was fourteen.

 

[Unhumanly.]

I tried but I didn't die and burden myself heavier with the disease as the outcome and also people calling me pathetic for not handling myself well
(no one knew I've attempted to ctb,they call me names when they see me ill)

 

[ddn.ctb]

Sometimes when I think of my attempt as a teenager. If I know now what I knew then. Things would be different

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i'm sorry that i came on the scene years too late. wish i had prepared when i first felt this way. all ideal methods seem to be gone.

 

[Nlis2244]

Yes, I'd have avoided a lot of suffering. The last two years have been completely useless, I should have done it before that.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Yep.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I attempted a few years back and I still regret calling my mom about it instead of just taking more of the pills (I was trying to OD). I know deep down inside that it probably wouldn't have worked and I likely would have just ended up damaging parts of my body, but I wished I had kept going, just on the off chance I did succeed. I only got better for a very short period of time before I started feeling miserable again. If only I had succeeded then I would be stuck here, tired of existing.

 

[Life_and_Death]

maybe not quite sad, but it's on the regret list

 

[meilox]

I should've js done it a year ago when I had the perfect chance

 

[Engström]

I was so close the first time and yeah, ultimately I wish I had succeeded. Would have saved me much heart ache and overall pain. I've had some good times since then but I know…it's nearly a constant in the back of my mind - my days are truly now numbered.

 

[accountnamerequired]

I should have done it 4-5 years ago when I had access to a gun, such an easy guaranteed to work method, but I wasted my chance

 

[bridgegirl]

Absolutely yes.

In fact, I had the perfect moment about two years ago. Was ready to drop, was literally in place.

Instead, I got to act that out again, basically, just last month. As I have many times. Over and over.

Wish it could just all be taken away and I didn't have to feel anything that I feel anymore.

 

[figurehead]

Like, it would've been better to die 2 years ago knowing everything I know now

Oh I wish that my struggles with mental disorder was also short. I'm 50 and been struggling for about 30 years.My first proper attempt was all set to succeed. A friend came over and that was it. I often think that that was my real opportunity and feel like a failure since I can't even top myself. That comes back every time I am on a depressive cycle. Idk

 

[Spiritual survivor]

part of me says yea, part of me says no.

 

[TiredTurtle]

I wish I died during my first attempt 10 years ago, the thing that scares me the most is making this realisation again in another 10 years time

 

[wiinterfrost]

yeah, my original plan was when i was 15 and back then i had more mobility meaning i could easily travel in the train to a remote place/place to jump off a high spot. the only reason i didn't continue with trying to find a way to do it back then (although i had written a note and had a set date and everything) was because i was dumb and told a friend vaguely about it and she found my note and made me promise her i wouldn't do it. and i did and i fucking never break promises. which sucks.
these past 8years have been such an onslaught of more suffering i wish i hadn't had to go through... you think it gets better but it just got worse n worse n worse n worse. so yeah, i deeply regret not having pulled through back then and having made that stupid promise.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

After it was clear that I failed in life several years ago I knew that CTB is the only option and it'd be better to do it right away to prevent unnecessary suffering in the future. I didn't do it but it would really have been the better. Yes sometimes I really regret that I haven't done it yet.

 

[Scattered-Soul]

Yeah, I wish I could've died as myself rather than this shell of a human being I've become. And back during a time when I still had people who'd attend my funeral and feel sad about my passing.

 

[ThanatopicFugue]

When I had less control of my emotions, I had a much harder time making friends, and I usually ended up pushing them away when I would make any. It would have been a lot easier to end it all back then, when I didn't have anyone who would miss me. I know that I will suffer a lot in the future, but now I can't end it because I actually have friends that seem to care about me. Despite this, a part of me does wish I successfully ended it all back when I first tried.

 

[isthisit?]

Yeah, if I had known the future I would have probably ended it when I was 15. But hey, no one sees the future.