yes. my depression started when I was 12. i'm turning 40 in a couple months. so 28yrs with these dark thoughts and feelings, wanting alllllll these years to die but haven't gone through with it. yet. nothing has gotten better and never will. i'm not happy, never have been. i'm still the same loser i always was and I know without a doubt i don't belong in this life. sure, there's been some good memories and some fun times, but all are just temporary that really mean nothing. I've never stopped having these feelings. one thing I really really hate is when people say to depressed/suicidal people "it'll get better". I don't believe that at all, it's a crock (for me. can't say that for everyone. we're all different). and I really do want to leave and it's my goal to get it done this year. soon. no more putting it off. I need to find a way.
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Xerxes
Invisible
- Nov 8, 2018
- 936
Hah, I always tell myself, "It can't get any worse can it?" and Life says, "Hold my beer son..."
Retched
I see the chaos in your eyes.
- Oct 8, 2018
- 837
Same. Except the son part.
JJ-NOHOPE
Tantalus - all desire, no hope
- Nov 26, 2018
- 119
I first tried to kill myself when I was 13.
I HATE that 13 year old girl for failing.
She deserved to die. I deserve to die.
Happiness is nebulous. Pain is SO concrete.
Life does not get better.
I HATE that 13 year old girl for failing.
She deserved to die. I deserve to die.
Happiness is nebulous. Pain is SO concrete.
Life does not get better.
Sixfeetunder
Specialist
- Jan 12, 2019
- 319
BlackDragonof1989
Mage
- Jul 12, 2018
- 526
Oh yeah, sometimes I get that feeling too.
Bread
Avoid if allergic to gluten
- Dec 1, 2018
- 80
This is so beautifully and perfectly stated. It made me laugh, but damn does it hurt because it's true.
Actually I've found that if you sit and wait for life to improve it eventually will. I learned a hard lesson that you have to grow and progress in life to keep happiness! And be trustworthy! Of course my problems are different and possibly not as bad as others
ParamitePie
Experienced
- Oct 11, 2018
- 218
Ignoring the state of the world, which I feel is getting worse, I feel like my life is getting better, but my mental state is getting worse with each passing year. It just makes me feel like an insolent, entitled brat.
Bread
Avoid if allergic to gluten
- Dec 1, 2018
- 80
I can definitely empathize with your experience...it really does get worse with each passing year.
I first wanted to die when I was 13, and I'm an adult now. All throughout my teen years the other adults kept telling me that I would grow out of it, that things would definitely get better, etc, etc. Basically just a fountain of positive bullshit like a unicorn shitting directly on my face.
Anyways, here I am as an adult and guess what... so far they've been wrong! For a time when I was 13-15 I almost halfway believed them, or at least I dared to hope, but things have only gotten worse with each passing year. There have been no exceptions, and I can say with confidence that 2019 will likely be much shittier than 2018, because that's how it always goes. Each year I break through to new levels of depression and self hatred that I never knew were possible.
On the bright side, maybe 2019 will be the year when I finally ctb. Perhaps then there will be a silver lining in all the shit. (:
I first wanted to die when I was 13, and I'm an adult now. All throughout my teen years the other adults kept telling me that I would grow out of it, that things would definitely get better, etc, etc. Basically just a fountain of positive bullshit like a unicorn shitting directly on my face.
Anyways, here I am as an adult and guess what... so far they've been wrong! For a time when I was 13-15 I almost halfway believed them, or at least I dared to hope, but things have only gotten worse with each passing year. There have been no exceptions, and I can say with confidence that 2019 will likely be much shittier than 2018, because that's how it always goes. Each year I break through to new levels of depression and self hatred that I never knew were possible.
On the bright side, maybe 2019 will be the year when I finally ctb. Perhaps then there will be a silver lining in all the shit. (:
Are you happy that your life feels like it's getting better regardless of your mental state?
ParamitePie
Experienced
- Oct 11, 2018
- 218
I feel like I don't deserve it and it's a waste of time and effort by others.
Edit: I also feel like I'm using people.
Sorry to ask but I'm just curious. What did you mean then when you said you feel like your life is getting better?
ParamitePie
Experienced
- Oct 11, 2018
- 218
There's a more positive career outlook, I'm living in better conditions than I previously was and my family are working out longstanding problems. I also have a closer relationship with my parents, and they're trying to direct my life so I'm a more productive citizen.
Crimsonskye
Member
- Aug 28, 2018
- 71
And the amount of people you'll end up hurting also increases
I'm done hurting people. It's destroyed me. We only hurt people when we're hurt ourselves
color_me_gone
Sun is rising
- Dec 27, 2018
- 970
Well, not only do I think it is getting worse for me, I think it is getting worse for society as a whole.
Mass shootings and bombings. People trying to hurt as many people as possible.
People driving, swearing at each other, giving each other the finger.
All politics are crooked, screwing most people for the benefit of a few.
And then we have that global ctb button connected to thermonuclear bombs.
I think that button will be pushed sooner rather than later.
So I think I'd rather leave now, and avoid all the fun.
Mass shootings and bombings. People trying to hurt as many people as possible.
People driving, swearing at each other, giving each other the finger.
All politics are crooked, screwing most people for the benefit of a few.
And then we have that global ctb button connected to thermonuclear bombs.
I think that button will be pushed sooner rather than later.
So I think I'd rather leave now, and avoid all the fun.
bigj75
“From Knowledge springs power."
- Sep 1, 2018
- 2,540
Pulpit2018
Experienced
- Oct 8, 2018
- 287
The only thing that changes with the years passing,is that you get closer to CTBing.
Asianfailure
I need to die
- Jan 19, 2019
- 7
Yes, it's like life likes to play a cruel joke on me. Things get better but then they get worse than ever and the cycle is repeated, all hope is false hope.
bigj75
“From Knowledge springs power."
- Sep 1, 2018
- 2,540
I think that's why people need to be prepared at all times for when shit goes down so it won't hit us so hard.
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