Anyone just have the crazy urge to tell people about your ctb plans?

[kittyneedsabreak]

This is so real- I tell my s/o like everything and we've been together for 2 years ish but like last time I told them, I was a little too serious and it was right before I went for it so they called the hotline and I got psych warded. Now it's like I just wanna tell them how close I am to going for it again but I know it wouldn't go well (they said they'll literally drive me to the hospital bc they know there's only so much they can say/do to stop me and they don't want me to die). Instead I just resort to passive comments/jokes so I can kinda get it off my conscience with them.

 

[J&L383]

I would like to. But it will be a risky and daunting task. But I think it would be nice to be able to say goodbye to at least a few people and once I'm gone I think they will appreciate the closure of final words. That's one thing you don't get if you die in a car accident or heart attack. When my mom and dad died they died slow enough that there was time for goodbyes. And fortunately not too much suffering on their part. But again, I don't know how to break open that can of worms without it being very unpredictable.

 

[KillerIsMe]

I told someone, couldn't resist the urge. It wasn't worth it. It created more hesitation because now I have to worry about their feelings. Just tell chat bots or the suicide hotline people. It's not making them feel the guilt of knowing you were going to do it and not doing anything to stop you.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

This is a bit old but yeah. I don't want to be arrested and basically treated like a criminal just for feeling this way though. Sitting in an ER at 1am looking your worst as obnoxious, arrogant nurses downplay your lifelong suffering because, "You have so much ahead of you, why would you ever want to end your life". Then you're forced to don hospital scrubs (the bare arse kind) and basically be violated by hospital staff as they roll their eyes at you and call you "dramatic" for not wanting a literal stranger to view your bare chest. Then you're separated from your possessions and placed in a suffocating, brightly lit concrete prison (commonly known as a psych ward) where you'll be fed prison food, rounded up like prisoners, threatened with having your sentence extended if you don't participate in frankly infantilising activities like "music therapy" or telling the group your favourite colour. Whole time you won't have a proper therapy session and mostly just find yourself penning angry letters to the world and wandering around aimlessly then you're gaslit into pretending any of that actually helped. And now you're known as the "one who got thrown in the looney bin" to everyone you know

 

[SSamGarrison]

Yes, oddly enough. I mentioned to a friend that if I decided to I'd hang myself. She seemed weirded out but let it go. I know I shouldn't but I feel like my friends are pretty low risk in terms of trying to "get me help"

 

[chuerdhmproton]

Logically it's absolutely stupid but when a friend asks how my day was and I made progress on giving away stuff or my ctb plan I just get so excited and wish I could tell them. That's why I really appreciate this forum. It's the only place where this sorta thing is accepted.

yeah it is human nature to want to be social even about our deepest darkest secrets