Anyone here on the spectrum?

[nohopeleftanymoreno]

Living with ASD is one of the reasons why I want to CTB, how about you? For me, having ASD makes being in this world difficult.

 

[FuneralCry]

If you mean Autism, then yes. Sometimes I get confused by abbreviations. I think that in my case I never should have existed at all, I am not meant for this world. It just feels so wrong, me being alive and I have never had a positive experience of existing. It is cruel trying to force people to live in a world where they could never belong in. A peaceful exit from this life should be a human right.

 

[Emmie]

Yes, I have autism and OCD. It's the main reason I want to CTB. But I think I'd still want to die for philosophical reasons if I were neurotypical.

 

[absurd_to_the_end]

I've never been officially diagnosed (I'm old, assessments were uncommon back then, especially for females), but yes I'm reasonably sure I am. It is the main factor for me as well. It's been a very lonely existence, and that wears on you over time, especially when you don't feel like you can fix it (the disconnection, not the autism).

I always hope that younger people have it a little better with early assessments and interventions/resources, but I'm not sure that's always the case either.

 

[Resinn66]

Me too (+chronic depression). Waiting for the right moment to ctb. We don't have much of a chance in this World, Nature has been so unfair

 

[protocorpse]

I've been diagnosed with crippling adhd. Been on the verge of diagnosis with autism a few times and kinda got mad and told them no. Just not something i really wanted to deal with/accept. Feels stupid now. Its frustrating that there are parts of me I know are good or useful, even in the capitalism life-leech way, but theres just never a schedule or enviornment that isnt actively burning me down to dust.
Im sorry you're struggling with this. Its really not fair.

 

[Emmie]

I've never been officially diagnosed (I'm old, assessments were uncommon back then, especially for females), but yes I'm reasonably sure I am. It is the main factor for me as well. It's been a very lonely existence, and that wears on you over time, especially when you don't feel like you can fix it (the disconnection, not the autism).

The disconnection is always there for me, even with close family. When I thought I was in love years ago I briefly felt a connection, but it turned out it was just some sort of dopamine or oxytocin rush that acted as a temporary balm on my autistic disconnect with others.

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

I've never been officially diagnosed (I'm old, assessments were uncommon back then, especially for females), but yes I'm reasonably sure I am.

Ditto.

 

[Hiraeth Grimoire]

Never been officially diagnosed but I suspect Aspergers, OCD-PTSD, anxiety, depression, and who knows what else. I'm sorry you were born and have to suffer here. May you find peace.

 

[NotHuman]

Autism feels like a genetic prank played upon humans. Let's take the thing that makes you human and just remove that. You can still feel pain and exercise enough self-awareness to realize what you lack, you just can't form human bonds or otherwise function in the world.

Intellectual disability often goes hand in hand with this "different way of thinking". Normal things in the world like lights, sounds, textures, etc.? They randomly cause your brain to overload. Don't worry though, you can always cope with your overwhelming emotions by engaging in behaviors that everyone will mock and shun you for. But it's not like the statistics favor you ever even experiencing close friendship or romance in your lifetime, so why care what others think anyway? You get to enjoy the full range of comorbidities as well from constipation to seizure disorder since you clearly don't have enough to worry about. The gushing over each autistic finding their GIFT never ends despite autistics being generally less employable than people with Down syndrome.

If there is a god, they're probably rolling around laughing their ass off.

 

[Squiddy]

I was diagnosed with Autism a few months ago. I'm also diagnosed with other things. It's part of the reason I want to ctb, but my severe ADHD + cognitive issues are the main reason I want to ctb

 

[Resinn66]

Unfortunately, more than 90% of the world population is Neurotypical. The best solution would be to separate the two at least at work, and not try to adapt to them with all the Exhaustion and psychological pain that follows. Utopia

 

[Jupit3rs]

Yes, but me being autistic has nothing to do with my desire to die: it's mostly existential, I dont like reality at all.

 

[Wanderingthroughdark]

Also have ASD and ADHD.
It's like having 2 voices in your head that are constantly fighting with each other.

 

[outatime_85]

First, I am sorry you are living with such misery and it is making your time in this world difficult.

As others have said, I have never been professionally diagnosed because that was not common practice when I was born.

Though, after everything I have gone through as a child, a teen, and an adult, I am inclined to think I might be on the spectrum, but that would be a big guess on my part.

Whatever tests they give me now might be skewed, but I believe I would be diagnosed with Asperger's or something on the spectrum, as well as anxiety and certainly depression.
My lack of eye contact, my lack of healthy social skills, my missing social cues, would probably be noticed, etc.

I live a life of solitude with no real purpose, at least based on what society deems as a real purpose.

I often ponder what is wrong with me and the point of continuing my existence.

I think anyone who brings children into this current version of life should have them all assessed to see if they are on the spectrum or if they need any other type of testing, and if they are or do, then get them the training, etc., needed to be as well adjusted as possible.

 

[nohopeleftanymoreno]

If you mean Autism, then yes. Sometimes I get confused by abbreviations. I think that in my case I never should have existed at all, I am not meant for this world. It just feels so wrong, me being alive and I have never had a positive experience of existing. It is cruel trying to force people to live in a world where they could never belong in. A peaceful exit from this life should be a human right.

Yes Autism is what I was referring to. I also get confused by some abbreviations and 'sayings'. I agree with you that all humans should have a peaceful exit from this life at a time of their choosing, but unfortunately life doesn't offer us that - yet another reason I want to go. I'm sorry you feel that you should never have existed in the first place at all. I can relate and think exactly the same about myself. Life is all about meaningless suffering and work, two things I have no interest in.

Yes, I have autism and OCD. It's the main reason I want to CTB. But I think I'd still want to die for philosophical reasons if I were neurotypical.

I am so sorry you are also in this suffering. Cannot agree more about wanting to die for philosophical reasons even if I didn't have Autism Spectrum Disorder. There is just so much meaningless suffering in the world and it is a scary fact that things can become so much worse for anyone at any given moment. We should all have an easy and painless option to opt out, but sadly we do not.

I've never been officially diagnosed (I'm old, assessments were uncommon back then, especially for females), but yes I'm reasonably sure I am. It is the main factor for me as well. It's been a very lonely existence, and that wears on you over time, especially when you don't feel like you can fix it (the disconnection, not the autism).

I always hope that younger people have it a little better with early assessments and interventions/resources, but I'm not sure that's always the case either.

I'm also pretty old now. I only got diagnosed recently, wondering my whole life why I was different. It helps to get diagnosed, it can answer many questions as to why life is so difficult for us. It is a very lonely existence. People do not understand and offer unhelpful platitudes. I'm glad that there seem to be advances in research about ASD. Perhaps it will help young people suffering from this, manage being neurodivergent...

I've been diagnosed with crippling adhd. Been on the verge of diagnosis with autism a few times and kinda got mad and told them no. Just not something i really wanted to deal with/accept. Feels stupid now. Its frustrating that there are parts of me I know are good or useful, even in the capitalism life-leech way, but theres just never a schedule or enviornment that isnt actively burning me down to dust.
Im sorry you're struggling with this. Its really not fair.

I am sad and sorry that you are struggling with this too. It's very difficult. Living with ADHD and autism is torture, many people do not understand it. I was also diagnosed with ADHD, but many years ago when I was a child. The ASD diagnosis was recent.

Never been officially diagnosed but I suspect Aspergers, OCD-PTSD, anxiety, depression, and who knows what else. I'm sorry you were born and have to suffer here. May you find peace.

Those are awful things to deal with in this life and I am so sorry you are experiencing this cruel and ongoing suffering. Thank you for wishing me peace, I am sorry that I was born in the first place. I wish I could just press an 'undo' button to be un-birthed, but no such technology exists. I am looking into purchasing Nembutal but I am scared about the risks of importing it into my country (Australia).

Autism feels like a genetic prank played upon humans. Let's take the thing that makes you human and just remove that. You can still feel pain and exercise enough self-awareness to realize what you lack, you just can't form human bonds or otherwise function in the world.

Yes, it is like a sick joke. I agree with what you say about the extent of autistic peoples suffering and the lack of understanding of others. I am so sorry that you are suffering. I wish you peace

I was diagnosed with Autism a few months ago. I'm also diagnosed with other things. It's part of the reason I want to ctb, but my severe ADHD + cognitive issues are the main reason I want to ctb

My diagnosis was also a few months ago and honestly the only difference it made was that it answered questions as to why I have been so different my entire life. Nobody treats me any different and I am still told to 'suck it up and earn money'. I also have ADHD, but I was diagnosed years ago when I was a child. These things are difficult to live with so I'm really sorry for your pain. What other cognitive issues do you have?

Unfortunately, more than 90% of the world population is Neurotypical. The best solution would be to separate the two at least at work, and not try to adapt to them with all the Exhaustion and psychological pain that follows. Utopia

I see where you are coming from but I am not sure how that will work in practice. I would still just rather die.

Yes, but me being autistic has nothing to do with my desire to die: it's mostly existential, I dont like reality at all.

I am sorry you are in pain. About half my reasons for wanting to die are existential and philosophical. A major existential reason is that I have no interest in participating in the economy by working, therefore I am poor. It is simply too stressful for me (to work), as I struggle to be around or communicate with people, but being poor is hard too. Someone said it well: 'life is like paying for a subscription I never agreed subscribe to' The only option I see for me is death.

 

[nohopeleftanymoreno]

First, I am sorry you are living with such misery and it is making your time in this world difficult.

As others have said, I have never been professionally diagnosed because that was not common practice when I was born.

Though, after everything I have gone through as a child, a teen, and an adult, I am inclined to think I might be on the spectrum, but that would be a big guess on my part.

Whatever tests they give me now might be skewed, but I believe I would be diagnosed with Asperger's or something on the spectrum, as well as anxiety and certainly depression.
My lack of eye contact, my lack of healthy social skills, my missing social cues, would probably be noticed, etc.

I live a life of solitude with no real purpose, at least based on what society deems as a real purpose.

I often ponder what is wrong with me and the point of continuing my existence.

I think anyone who brings children into this current version of life should have them all assessed to see if they are on the spectrum or if they need any other type of testing, and if they are or do, then get them the training, etc., needed to be as well adjusted as possible.

I am sorry to hear that you are living a difficult life. It is tough to live in a world where we feel like we are alone and without purpose. I can strongly relate. It is interesting because I am also well into adulthood and was only diagnosed recently. It did answer many questions about why I am different though.

I agree that people should assess their children for being neurodivergent. This would help the child not wonder what is wrong with them their whole life, preventing the development of further scars. Although, I don't agree with anyone having children after 2020. The world is only getting worse and therefore it is cruel to bring another into this world just for lifelong suffering. If people are in a position to raise kids, they should adopt. But that is just my opinion.

 

[NotHuman]

I could never understand people who found relief in a diagnosis. For me, there was hope that I wouldn't always be this way. Maybe I'd grow out of it, maybe I'd learn skills from teachers and peers to level the playing field, maybe I'd discover that my quirks were all part of some latent genius that would manifest through exposure to my future field of expertise.

Nope! Instead I got confirmation that I'm just part of a minority of lucky lottery winners with broken brains. I learned that failure is simply encoded in my DNA and that there's nothing that can be done about it. I need only think positive thoughts and smile as I am ignored, shunned, and eventually die alone. My only solace is knowing that my suffering won't last forever and my embarrassing legacy will go unnoticed.

 

[Zegers]

I have anxiety and depressive thoughts, depressive tendencies, disability, physical discomfort (I hope this can get better) mental fog, fatigue, no career and lack of social relationships for many years. It's over. Just trying to pass the time until I can leave.

 

[nohopeleftanymoreno]

I could never understand people who found relief in a diagnosis. For me, there was hope that I wouldn't always be this way. Maybe I'd grow out of it, maybe I'd learn skills from teachers and peers to level the playing field, maybe I'd discover that my quirks were all part of some latent genius that would manifest through exposure to my future field of expertise.

Nope! Instead I got confirmation that I'm just part of a minority of lucky lottery winners with broken brains. I learned that failure is simply encoded in my DNA and that there's nothing that can be done about it. I need only think positive thoughts and smile as I am ignored, shunned, and eventually die alone. My only solace is knowing that my suffering won't last forever and my embarrassing legacy will go unnoticed.

I am so sorry that you are suffering and that you do not feel good. For me, I stopped hoping that I would not always be this way long ago. I have always been like this so it is all I know. I understand your perspective but cannot relate, as being diagnosed answered questions as to why I have been different my whole life, and exposed me to some support groups. People are also more understanding when I ask for silence and have meltdowns about noise like motorbikes passing in my street. I understand now why I avoid social situations too, it is just too overwhelming and overstimulating with sensory overload to be in social situations and I avoid anything that stresses me out (people).

I have anxiety and depressive thoughts, depressive tendencies, disability, physical discomfort (I hope this can get better) mental fog, fatigue, no career and lack of social relationships for many years. It's over. Just trying to pass the time until I can leave.

I think it is cruel that people have to go through the things you are going through. I am also dealing with disability, anxiety and depression so I can relate on that level. I hope you find peace one way or another. I hope your conditions improve.

 

[Deleted member 31858]

I am so sorry that you are suffering and that you do not feel good. For me, I stopped hoping that I would not always be this way long ago. I have always been like this so it is all I know. I understand your perspective but cannot relate, as being diagnosed answered questions as to why I have been different my whole life, and exposed me to some support groups. People are also more understanding when I ask for silence and have meltdowns about noise like motorbikes passing in my street. I understand now why I avoid social situations too, it is just too overwhelming and overstimulating with sensory overload to be in social situations and I avoid anything that stresses me out (people).

I think it is cruel that people have to go through the things you are going through. I am also dealing with disability, anxiety and depression so I can relate on that level. I hope you find peace one way or another. I hope your conditions improve.

How did you let people know and get them to empathize with you? I have not achieved it and I really cannot, I am days away from Ctb due to the lack of empathy and respect for my condition.

 

[nohopeleftanymoreno]

How did you let people know and get them to empathize with you? I have not achieved it and I really cannot, I am days away from ctb due to the lack of empathy and respect for my condition.

I just openly tell people that I am autistic. I tell them to research it on the internet because I do not want the stress of explaining it to them. I would not say that they empathize with me, but rather do not react as negatively as before with regards to my social anxiety, my reactions to certain stimuli, and general awkwardness.

 

[park.mr]

"There is just so much meaningless suffering in the world."
This is the main reason I want to ctb. It's because I hate this world.