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lofticries

lofticries

obedear
Feb 27, 2021
1,470
I mean like from the very start marriage or getting a bf/gf means nothing to you. I know there are some people here who want this and are actually miserable because they don't have a significant other. They are valid because that shit is hard to find and even harder to keep. But what about the people who don't want any of that and feel like a freak for being okay with being forever alone so to speak. Society is telling me I should be miserable af because I don't have a partner now but that is the last thing in my life I feel I need to be happy. The only reason I wanna lose my virginity is due to curiosity mainly. I don't want to have to force myself to be with someone and vice versa. The idea of being intimate with someone almost 24/7 scares me. I only like romance in fiction where I'm not involved at all.

Anyone else feel this?
 
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W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,163
I've played for "both teams" (love and loneliness) and I think you can be happy in any of them.

Some people, however, are desperate to find someone to love and that could mess their lives up because you might just end up with not the right person. There are actually some members here who got married and are really unhappy and suicidal because of it.

I'm single and really lonely now. Sure, I miss hugs and cuddling but... I won't rush things.

If I get a new gf again, welcome! If not, it's okay. I just don't know how longer I'll be here anyway...
 
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Tackingintothewind

Tackingintothewind

Mage
Mar 2, 2021
530
This is me. Relationships mystify me I just don't understand. I understand the loss of a loved one of course and the desire to not be alone. But not the desire to be in a relationship. I tried in vain when I was in my late teens/ early twenties just to fit in. I think I ended up hurting people. I lost a good friend trying. I hope I didnt hurt him too much. Reading how people feel after relationships end on this site make me feel guilty but... It was better sooner than later.
 
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Makko

Makko

Iä!
Jan 17, 2021
2,430
I can't want anything of the sort after getting to exprience the wonders of having privacy.

The downsides of not wanting it are mostly social. Past a certain age being chronically single sharply decreases your social status, regardless of how well you do in other areas of your life. It's a strong signal that there's something fundamentally inadequate about you.
 
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avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
Feb 4, 2020
1,358
Used to. Not anymore though. Only person I want to be with no longer feels the same in that way. And honestly, I cannot help but compare every single woman to her and I just can't see myself with anyone else. Ever.
 
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Tackingintothewind

Tackingintothewind

Mage
Mar 2, 2021
530
I can't want anything of the sort after getting to exprience the wonders of having privacy.

The downsides of not wanting it are mostly social. Past a certain age being chronically single sharply decreases your social status, regardless of how well you do in other areas of your life. It's a strong signal that there's something fundamentally inadequate about you.

I only ever felt that when I lived in china. Here in the uk I've never felt it mattered
 
W

Whole-Ad

Student
Apr 4, 2021
178
I'm currently in a relationship and I don't know how to explain it to others, and I definitely wouldn't try to explain it to my partner, but I like that I can trust him and talk to him about anything, do anything with him and still have fun, and just generally having someone there for me. And I do feel that I love him, but I don't think I see love like other people do. I don't want to spend all day hugging or cuddling him, in fact I don't really want much physical contact. I don't have any desire for sex as is often seen with people in relationships, and fortunately my partner is fine with that. I also don't want to spend all my time with him, I like my alone time. Relationships are often portrayed as something that you will invest all of your time into.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not that it means nothing to me, I just think it means something different to me than how it feels for the vast majority
 
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BigNarkoleptic

BigNarkoleptic

If this isn't the end, what's meant of learning.
Mar 8, 2021
194
I mean like from the very start marriage or getting a bf/gf means nothing to you. I know there are some people here who want this and are actually miserable because they don't have a significant other. They are valid because that shit is hard to find and even harder to keep. But what about the people who don't want any of that and feel like a freak for being okay with being forever alone so to speak. Society is telling me I should be miserable af because I don't have a partner now but that is the last thing in my life I feel I need to be happy. The only reason I wanna lose my virginity is due to curiosity mainly. I don't want to have to force myself to be with someone and vice versa. The idea of being intimate with someone almost 24/7 scares me. I only like romance in fiction where I'm not involved at all.

Anyone else feel this?
I don't feel that repressed, but it's frustrating I can't find something. Some companionship.
 
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Odwin

Odwin

Bucket of Chicken
Mar 31, 2021
558
I don't care at all about it. I don't know really why. I just don't get that feeling. Just the idea to be again in a relationship. Oof it annoys me.
 
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Ame

Ame

あめ
Nov 1, 2019
322
Romantic relationships and marriage feel like these abstract concepts that only other people are be able to engage with. I think that many people take things like marriage and starting a family for granted, in that they simply expect to hit those milestones in the same way we go to bed knowing that we will likely wake up in the morning. I was lucky enough to have been in a relationship with someone who could have been "spend the rest of my days with" material, but I wasn't really worth living for ha ha. The love did well to cloud the lens of my lucidity for a time but reality will always be reality no matter how desperately I retreat into my head and pretend. I don't dare consider these things — partly because they are impossible and most of me no longer wants to. I care and I don't, but when I'm dead then I won't.
 
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BigNarkoleptic

BigNarkoleptic

If this isn't the end, what's meant of learning.
Mar 8, 2021
194
Well I've spent some time recently. Focusing in being myself, being single, you know, enjoying the life.
And my pizza box tower is almost 3 ft!!!
All this extra cash to spend in myself and dominoes pizza is really working out. It's a good marriage I'd say.
 
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avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
Feb 4, 2020
1,358
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demuic

demuic

Life was a mistake
Sep 12, 2020
1,383
I mean like from the very start marriage or getting a bf/gf means nothing to you. I know there are some people here who want this and are actually miserable because they don't have a significant other. They are valid because that shit is hard to find and even harder to keep. But what about the people who don't want any of that and feel like a freak for being okay with being forever alone so to speak. Society is telling me I should be miserable af because I don't have a partner now but that is the last thing in my life I feel I need to be happy. The only reason I wanna lose my virginity is due to curiosity mainly. I don't want to have to force myself to be with someone and vice versa. The idea of being intimate with someone almost 24/7 scares me. I only like romance in fiction where I'm not involved at all.

Anyone else feel this?
For me I'd rather have friends than romance. Any social needs I have are better fulfilled by friendship. I feel like the prospect of a breakup or things not working out is too much pressure and stress. I've been with someone before and it didn't work due to my personality, and the second time I just wasn't attracted.

Though I also like romance in fiction, it's an abstract/fantasy concept to me.
 
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sadbadpsychogirl

sadbadpsychogirl

sonofabitch
May 29, 2020
725
i used to be the romantic type when i was younger and not as cynical but now i wouldn't want to get involved with anyone. mainly because i'm going to ctb anyway
 
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L

loopylou

Learn to fly
Jan 11, 2021
884
I haven't cared about someone being there for me for a very long time. I do want and miss the comforting hugs, spooning and general messing around. I love being silly and adventurous. Meh /(
 
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929er

929er

a gnome
May 1, 2020
30
lol my family and their friends always end up on the topic of how weird it is that i don't date and haven't had bfs (I'm closeted bc idc about telling any of these people my personal business. lol.) some think it's good because that means I'm "focusing on my studies/work", and then my sister just says I'm a cold bitch that doesn't give any man a chance regardless of how many times they ask. even my nephews that are kids have started asking, bc their parents have planted that idea that it's somehow weird to not be in a relationship at my age. (turned 20 recently).

tbh i feel like dating would require too much energy and at least some enthusiasm for doing things, (which as someone that welcomes death at any moment, it's kinda hard to have. lol.) like, i could end it all at any time if i work up the courage, so i don't think having a SO would be a great idea. I'd only be hurting the person and forcing them to be miserable with me. it sounds tempting and good in theory, bc hand holding, hugging & kissing isn't bad at all, i even kinda miss that, but i haven't had the mental energy to do anything other than entertaining the idea of actually doing it. i don't really think it's necessary either, like it doesn't affect me to not have a gf and it never has. i feel like people put too much importance in it asif it solves everything wrong in their lives or something, which i find kind of sad.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,373
I'm the opposite, I barely care about anything else unfortunately. All of the consequences of a relationship seem worth it to me as long as it's with the right person even though such a person doesn't exist for me...
 
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S

Some1's_Wasted_Fetus

Student
Mar 20, 2021
174
Sometimes I wish I could be in a relationship with a machine and not an actual living being. Like an AI/robot so advanced that it can act, feel, and speak like a human. I want to experience a relationship, spooning, holding hands, intimacy etc. but I don't want the hardwork or headaches that come with relationships. If I could just switch on the bot, get whatever dopamine high and oxytocin spark from cuddling, and doing everything else I would. But if I had the option to go back to being single whenever I need a break/to be to myself by turning off the bot that'd be awesome. Not really possible with an actual person though. If there's one thing that'd stop me from ctb'ing it'd be scientist perfecting sex bots lol. The idea of a long-term relationship that I can't get out of whenever I please and return to at a more convenient time is off-putting. I'm tired of being alone yet I want my alone time too lol
 
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LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
2,170
Oh allow me to direct you to my recent comment where I went full throttle on that subject lol..well if I can recall the thread..

Anyway, I would gladly not care if society didn't keep shoving the idea and weight of it down my fucking throat.
I'm a little beyond apathy, and it just makes me angry now with how much importance and stock is put into the idea, as well as the real life embodiment.
Same thing for having children, we reward couples and their procreation, and why?
I am sick of it.

I know being in a relationship would only bring me more problems and turmoil and heighten any issues that are already killing me.
I see this happen in individuals who have far less torture and trauma than myself.
Relationships don't solve problems, they throw a bandaid on them, and eventually create more of their own.
So if you ever end the relationship, you often find yourself worse off than before you got involved.
Any desires or holes in your sense of fulfillment will feel even more neglected and empty once you realize all you did by getting into a relationship, was put YOU on pause, to become US and THEM.
When people don't know who they are and what they want in life..when they set themselves up to lose that opportunity by melding themselves into another person, bad things happen, under the obfuscating umbrella of chemical euphoria.

Just look at the amount of people who are here due to some type of relationship drama, break-up, or as you mentioned, a complete lack of companionship simply because they have not been able to get into said romantic/sexual relationship.
I can only relate to that last part indirectly, because I have no desire for such-or my desire for other things is far more overwhelming-but there is a reason to why people feel the need to pursue a relationship and how the failure to do so fills them with so much dread and emptiness.
The expectation has seeped into every crevice of the modern world, social media putting a major spotlight on those who flaunt their position once they reach it.
Even those of us who wish to direct our attention elsewhere, aren't exactly allowed to avert our eyes.
 
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signifying nothing

signifying nothing

-
Sep 13, 2020
2,553
I'm not fussed these days. I don't think that I've ever been in love, but I've had relationships, experienced sex and intimacy.

These days I spend most of my time managing myself and that feels like enough (sometimes too much), so my life doesn't really have the space in it for a significant other. However, I wouldn't say I'm completely shut off from the possibility of something in the future, should the right opportunity present itself.
 
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Bat 17

Bat 17

Bat 17
Mar 30, 2021
307
I don't enjoy living by myself and feel lonely often, although routines and working help pass the time. I'm not sure what I can offer a relationship now as I am badly scarred by the breakdown of my marriage and also my psychiatric medications seem to have deleted my sex drive, I think it's the sertraline.

So I am learning to get by on my own.
 
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BeansOfRequirement

BeansOfRequirement

Man-child, loser, autistic, etc.
Jan 26, 2021
5,785
Even those of us who wish to direct our attention elsewhere, aren't exactly allowed to avert our eyes.
M8, I can't even fucking deadlift without having a young, attractive couple play around with each other in my field of vision. Society need to fix this after it has fixed the cringe-inducing anti-choice stance on death.
 
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JustAMatterOfTime

JustAMatterOfTime

Fragile
Mar 21, 2021
905
Yes couldn't care less, a waste of time I have tried it and it is more trouble than it is worth. Also have to do stuff you don't want to do, boring.
 
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B

Bigpink

Warlock
Oct 12, 2020
706
It's possible, as was my experience to be with someone and still feel alone. Or it might have been the wrong person. Doesnt matter I'm by myself now and it will remain that way
 
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motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,081
The idea of being intimate with someone almost 24/7 scares me. I only like romance in fiction where I'm not involved at all.
I'm incapable of true intimacy & only attracted to men who are only interested in sex. A lot of them have been guys who are heavy drinkers or into drugs because they're ashamed of being bi or gay bottoms (I live in a very Catholic country).
I do enjoy watching videos of shirtless men just passionately kissing, so I suppose I'm not completely dead inside
 
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BeansOfRequirement

BeansOfRequirement

Man-child, loser, autistic, etc.
Jan 26, 2021
5,785
A lot of people act like you have to live together with a partner. You could just meet once a week and text each other or sum.
 
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WhatDoesTheFoxSay?

WhatDoesTheFoxSay?

Hold your head high, and your middle finger higher
Dec 25, 2020
1,154
I've only recently came across the term 'aromantic', and I consider myself as such. I'll even go as far as say that I'm asexual, as I feel little to no sexual pull towards others. If I were born in a different time and place, I swear I could've taken up the nun's habit. Most people my age are either already married or at least in a relationship and yet, here I am. At dinner table conversations where the topics revolve around work and family, I'm unable to contribute any meaningful input as I lack the life experience, and staying quiet has made me come across as aloof and uncaring.

Back when I was a teen when other girls were fawning over their beloved K-pop idols and getting into relationships, I couldn't have felt more alienated from everyone. For as long as I can remember, deep down inside I knew marriage is not just puppy love; it is a lifelong commitment that takes hard work. Observing my parents' interactions over the years—from heated arguments to the cold shoulder—has put the fear of marrying the mistake husband, such as one whose sole agenda is to check off boxes on life's to-do list. As one cannot stress enough the importance of healthy conflict resolution in marriage, to someone who is chronically conflict-avoidant, this makes marriage all the more rocket science.
 
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L

lonerclown666

Mage
Dec 1, 2020
540
Not anymore because i know love is fake
 
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Largeletters

Largeletters

Alone
Jan 21, 2020
640
It is something I view as a future thing. I don't want a romantic relationship at the moment as I don't want the commitment or responsibility, as well as others always want to be taken care of, and I don't have the desire to take care of somebody at the moment. If I stick around for another few years, I hope to get married, but I'm not counting on it.
 

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