No. Rather, my reasons to go are also the reasons I am extremely lonely. Though, thinking back, I have always been lonely. I had "friends" as a kid, but they were mostly interested in things rather than my friendship. In middle and high school, I was one of those kids no one ever invites to anything ever. When I was a teenager (18 or so), things changed a bit for the better, but by my age of 20 or 21, my life sunk deeper than the Titanic and it has been that way since.
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sadak_the_wanderer
An appropriate painting
- Mar 19, 2018
- 243
It is not my sole reason, but I would lay somewhere around half of the desire upon loneliness and general feelings of being undesirable, useful but not wanted, and overall feeling that, as a person, I simply matter less than most of my peers. I have not been on a date in decades. Most of my interactions with other people are about how I can further their needs and wants.
Yet another year has gone by wherein my friends have not contacted me on my birthday, despite me doing this for them without fail, again and again. Perhaps I am fooling myself, but I like to think that I do a good impression of a person who does not think about these things. Around people, I am performing the part of someone for whom another cares, even if all evidence is to the contrary. I go to my job, I do my work. When I have a social event, that's work, too, but most likely busywork, nothing important is accomplished.
Overall, I view my death as being the conclusion of a natural process, like some diseased bit of flesh or a scab falling off, just the self-amputation of a completely unnecessary waste of skin: apoptosis for humanity. And after I go, people will perform the part of someone who is bereaved, over someone who was only an extra.
Polite applause for all of the actors when the curtain is drawn.
Yet another year has gone by wherein my friends have not contacted me on my birthday, despite me doing this for them without fail, again and again. Perhaps I am fooling myself, but I like to think that I do a good impression of a person who does not think about these things. Around people, I am performing the part of someone for whom another cares, even if all evidence is to the contrary. I go to my job, I do my work. When I have a social event, that's work, too, but most likely busywork, nothing important is accomplished.
Overall, I view my death as being the conclusion of a natural process, like some diseased bit of flesh or a scab falling off, just the self-amputation of a completely unnecessary waste of skin: apoptosis for humanity. And after I go, people will perform the part of someone who is bereaved, over someone who was only an extra.
Polite applause for all of the actors when the curtain is drawn.
RainAndSadness
Administrator
- Jun 12, 2018
- 2,083
It was the case until 2 months ago. I'm also +20 years old. And I was sitting in my room all day and my social interactions happened through the internet because I have no friends and never really experienced love to that point. I never experienced anything sexual. I was self-harming almost daily. I felt alone, lonely, isolated. And it was even worse for me because I'm trans and nobody here in my location is like me. I feel like an outsider due to my trans background. I have to note I live in a very small, conservative village, surrounded by even more conservative villages so the isolation felt really heavy. And it was a circle I couldn't escape. My social anxiety made everything a lot worse. I preferred to never leave the house except when it was necessary, to buy food for example. I just didn't do anything. I can't work, I can't function. I was just rotting away in my room mostly. And hoping for my life to end. And I planned to commit suicide and I knew exactly how to do it.
But my situation changed a bit since I have my girlfriend, for 2 months now. It's the first time in my life I feel actually loved. But like, all the environmental issues aren't gone. I still have no friends, I feel like shit and my life is a complete disaster. It always was and it will never change. My total mess of a room really mirrors how I feel inside. I can't even keep my room clean. But at least I have someone now, and that makes a difference. It didn't really get rid of my depression, they are still there and I can feel them. But my suicidal thoughts are put on hold. Which is good, considering I'm suicidal since I've been 15 years old. But I know as soon as that person is gone (and that will happen at some point) and that toxic, pressuring feeling of loneliness is drowning me again, it will be back to how it was before. And I'm considering to buy the necessary materials to commit suicide for that situation. I can't be caught off-guard. I still have no plans for my future, despite my girlfriend and I didn't have them before because I knew I wouldn't live for many more years. And I know I'm a lost cause. But at least for the moment, I can enjoy life a bit. And I'm trying to enjoy it as much as possible, as long as it's lasting. Before everything is returning to isolation and loneliness. It will feel terrible again. My thoughts will push me back to suicide again and all the darkness I experienced before will come back. It's always returning.
But my situation changed a bit since I have my girlfriend, for 2 months now. It's the first time in my life I feel actually loved. But like, all the environmental issues aren't gone. I still have no friends, I feel like shit and my life is a complete disaster. It always was and it will never change. My total mess of a room really mirrors how I feel inside. I can't even keep my room clean. But at least I have someone now, and that makes a difference. It didn't really get rid of my depression, they are still there and I can feel them. But my suicidal thoughts are put on hold. Which is good, considering I'm suicidal since I've been 15 years old. But I know as soon as that person is gone (and that will happen at some point) and that toxic, pressuring feeling of loneliness is drowning me again, it will be back to how it was before. And I'm considering to buy the necessary materials to commit suicide for that situation. I can't be caught off-guard. I still have no plans for my future, despite my girlfriend and I didn't have them before because I knew I wouldn't live for many more years. And I know I'm a lost cause. But at least for the moment, I can enjoy life a bit. And I'm trying to enjoy it as much as possible, as long as it's lasting. Before everything is returning to isolation and loneliness. It will feel terrible again. My thoughts will push me back to suicide again and all the darkness I experienced before will come back. It's always returning.
https://dailystormer.name/millennials-and-gen-z-kids-have-no-friends-and-want-to-kill-themselves/
I know this site and it's contents are ridiculous on its racism. But just like the article states you're definitely not alone feeling like processed crap. I am alone like you too buddy.
I know this site and it's contents are ridiculous on its racism. But just like the article states you're definitely not alone feeling like processed crap. I am alone like you too buddy.
icky
Member
- Jun 14, 2018
- 46
I wouldn't say it's the sole reason but when I think about it, it's one of the bigger contributing factors.
I've been friendless for the vast majority of my life and the only friends I've had were extroverts with pals for days or people who merely settled for my company but didn't actually like me as a person. A multitude of rejections and school bullies early in life taught me that my presence isn't desired. My brother made a point of telling me everyday how fat, ugly, and stupid I am for 15 years. So yeah, I entered adolescence with zero confidence in myself. I can't even be the Funny Ugly One or the DUFF because I can't make even casual acquaintances. Every time I try to be socially proactive- "Hey, let's hang out," or "Hey what's up?" - it fails. If I'm not outright rejected, I'm left hanging. I can't carry a conversation even after researching how to be personable. I'm not "cute" awkward, I'm just boring and have nothing to offer others. The masses have spoken, I need to take the hint.
Oddly, though, I've never had any desire for romance. Not even at my most hormonal and attention-seeking. At 28 with not even a hug or held hand, it's too late for that anyway. I can't learn how to be someone's girlfriend. Plus the SH scars would be hard to explain.
I've been friendless for the vast majority of my life and the only friends I've had were extroverts with pals for days or people who merely settled for my company but didn't actually like me as a person. A multitude of rejections and school bullies early in life taught me that my presence isn't desired. My brother made a point of telling me everyday how fat, ugly, and stupid I am for 15 years. So yeah, I entered adolescence with zero confidence in myself. I can't even be the Funny Ugly One or the DUFF because I can't make even casual acquaintances. Every time I try to be socially proactive- "Hey, let's hang out," or "Hey what's up?" - it fails. If I'm not outright rejected, I'm left hanging. I can't carry a conversation even after researching how to be personable. I'm not "cute" awkward, I'm just boring and have nothing to offer others. The masses have spoken, I need to take the hint.
Oddly, though, I've never had any desire for romance. Not even at my most hormonal and attention-seeking. At 28 with not even a hug or held hand, it's too late for that anyway. I can't learn how to be someone's girlfriend. Plus the SH scars would be hard to explain.
I don't have any friends at all. Haven't for 6 years. It's the reason I'm depressed. That I'm depressed is the reason I don't have friends. It's the reason I want to go.
