Anyone here kinda want to live, but feels like have no choice but to ctb

[miserabletires9]

As my scheduled date nears, I am beginning to feel more and more afraid. I don't even know what I am afraid of. It's more of struggling and not willing to settle with the notion that this is it. This is final.

But logically, you know ctb is the right way to go. As sure, maybe I can continue to live and win the lottery, but what's the chances of me winning the lottery....

I am just getting more and more scared in a way

 

[Vizzy]

As my scheduled date nears, I am beginning to feel more and more afraid. I don't even know what I am afraid of. It's more of struggling and not willing to settle with the notion that this is it. This is final.

But logically, you know ctb is the right way to go. As sure, maybe I can continue to live and win the lottery, but what's the chances of me winning the lottery....

I am just getting more and more scared in a way

I just want to ctb and finally be free

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Probably you still have enough hope that things could change and life could improve for you? I don't know anything about your story and what you suffered from and so, but generally I think to overcome SI and to really do CTB regardless anything else, one must come to the conclusion that there is definitely no other way out any more, a state of total desperation and total hopelessness.

 

[telro]

I certainly don't have any will to live, but there is some fear involved for me as my own personal date nears. It just feels strange getting closer and closer to death, but that sensation is also comforting. I just can't really shake that strange feeling though and it's been causing me to dissociate a lot recently

 

[Bunnybrains]

I think i have a little glimmer of hope that things might iron themselves out a tad going forward. Barring any of that well- i'll find a way out. If u ever have any genuine doubts, you could always change the date? I think thats my favorite part about suicide, i get to control all(most) of the variables. When, where, why-

 

[NoLightRemains]

I can relate. Having a date draws near really makes any residual fears and doubts come to the surface. I backed out of my first serious date and am trying to explore my recovery options, but I just don't see a good quality of life for me, only compromise at best, suffering at worst.

I learned that I don't want to set a date too far in advance next time, it will likely be something I decide the day of or the day before. I'd rather fight my nerves/SI for 7 hours instead of 7 days.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

Definitely don't do it if you're not ready. Isn't there anything else you want out of life other than to win the lottery? You can always push the date back, there is no rush.

 

[sheleftme1]

I wanted to live… I found someone that made me want to live and she decided life with me wasn't what she wanted. I ruined that relationship and don't get me wrong she wasn't perfect but she made me want to keep going. Truly I want to live with her but can't

 

[love_peep]

I just want to ctb and finally be free

too

 

[Bunnybrains]

I have literally 6$ to my name or i'd go next weekend

 

[NoStanding]

Is money your main problem? If thats why, I get it. I was raised in a poor area in a poor family. Tbh though I dont want to be rich, I just want enough money for freedom. Flying somewhere and visiting different places whenever I want to sounds great to me and its achievable one day (I think anyway).

I wanted to live… I found someone that made me want to live and she decided life with me wasn't what she wanted. I ruined that relationship and don't get me wrong she wasn't perfect but she made me want to keep going. Truly I want to live with her but can't

Honestly coming out of a relationship is hard. I came out of one recently that was over three years and it fucking sucked. It might now seem like it now but it does get better over time. She is the one that lost someone good, so don't be too hard on yourself