KitKat
Body Dysmorphic
- Dec 8, 2018
- 33
Body Dysmorphic Disorder, avoidant personality disorder, and stress with signs of depression.
Complex PTSD, GAD, Major Depression, Avoidant Personality Disorder.
azucaramargo
Enlightened
- Sep 16, 2018
- 1,010
azucaramargo
Enlightened
- Sep 16, 2018
- 1,010
RyanSuicide
Student
- Jan 7, 2019
- 117
Politecat
Member
- Dec 9, 2018
- 56
Ha! I wish they were there months ago, now it's just roadblock for me to CTB
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,854
Been diagnosed with Aspergers since I was a teen. I'm sure there are other things in my life that also haven't been officially diagnosed, but Aspergers alone already is quite a lot to deal with IRL.
LastDay
Soon, my dear big sister
- Dec 29, 2018
- 103
azucaramargo
Enlightened
- Sep 16, 2018
- 1,010
3 months ago was your first CTB attempt, you mean?
Yes. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and major depressive disorder. post-traumatic stress disorder, too. The trouble with wanting to ctb and having severe panic disorder is the "what if it fails?" thinking. It's interesting to me how the same condition pushes me towards and pulls me back from ctb at the same time.
Just depression at the mo but imprettysure I've got an undiagnosed mental disorder
I just want to no if it's possible for me to recover. I swear professionals do no. They ain't going to tell you if your not curable though are they
Yes, I'd like to know if it is possible to recover. I have had to talk to many people in the trenches who are severely suffering because the professionals do not seem to have answers for me. Once upon a time, I was responding to treatment in an expected fashion. Now, I no longer do. Yet, the professionals still seem to insist that I should respond in a certain way. Makes me feel inadequate as what I am dealing with goes beyond panic disorder, and major depression and ptsd, yet those are the only labels that somehow explain this suffering to some degree.
I wake up with severe adrenaline/cortisol rushes. My first thought is "what am I still doing herre?". But as the day progresses, it gets a bit more tolerable and the desire to ctb fails as the day nears its end. There's such unpredictability to what I am dealing with daily, yet there are people who still depend on me and such. Also, due to a very volatile combination of the medications I am on, a failed attempt could end up in a situation 100 times worse, which scares me. If I try to ctb, I cannot afford to fail. Has to be 100% success.
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I just worry that I've caused myself two much emotional damage to recover. 15 years of bad decisions and opportunities to do the right thing from a mentally ok place. If I couldn't get it right when I wasn't emotionally fucked how am I supposed to do it now.
I can relate to that a lot. I had experienced such a severe loss of functioning 4 years ago, that I am still in damage control. Being in damage control and feeling like not having any control for 4 years is just downright scary. A lot of damage happened to me between 8 years and 4 years ago, and all those adverse reactions were going off as mini reactions that I somehow wasn't even mentally equipped to understand what in the world was happening to me. I keep telling myself that I should have known, but honestly, I just wasn't mentally equipped to grasp that this sort of suffering is possible. It's not something one can really learn from books, sadly.
I think that for people asking if it's possible to recover if you have been diagnosed with a mental illness or even if you haven't, the answer is always - it may well be possible. But you will only know if you try. And that often has to come from finding your own way through, doing your own research and finding what works for you.
For example, if you want to try medication, it makes sense to research all different things to find what "fits" with your symptoms and then speak to your doctor. You don't need to be dictated to by a doctor or psychiatrist, you have to take charge. It's your life.
Also, diagnosis for mental illness can often be wrong. It's not an exact science. Every human is totally different.
Some people eg TiredHorse on this site have written some excellent threads on Recovery and what works for them.
Edit: I found what @Partial-Elf has written under Recovery really interesting, too, about changing a whole way of thinking; almost like tilting a kaleidoscope to give you a completely different picture of how life can be. Even if that means changing long-held family values or ingrained beliefs or losing toxic friends or family.
For example, if you want to try medication, it makes sense to research all different things to find what "fits" with your symptoms and then speak to your doctor. You don't need to be dictated to by a doctor or psychiatrist, you have to take charge. It's your life.
Also, diagnosis for mental illness can often be wrong. It's not an exact science. Every human is totally different.
Some people eg TiredHorse on this site have written some excellent threads on Recovery and what works for them.
Edit: I found what @Partial-Elf has written under Recovery really interesting, too, about changing a whole way of thinking; almost like tilting a kaleidoscope to give you a completely different picture of how life can be. Even if that means changing long-held family values or ingrained beliefs or losing toxic friends or family.
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Oh yes I do agree with this. I know only I can dig myself out of this hole. I've learned All by myself through fucking up that my problem is I'm a drug addict. Everything else stems from there. Anger management issues, anxiety, neediness, poor at sustaining friendships relationships, all of that will change in time when cannabis is out of my system. I know when I had people in my life that cared I made so much progression. I nearly became the person I should have been. Quitting drugs was the last piece of the puzzle which I fucked and lost the person that mattered the most. but I guess I had to lose them. There was no other way?
"You've got to go there to come back"
The Stereophonics
Quitting drugs is hard! God, it's bloody hard! You say "it was the last piece of the puzzle" but it was such a difficult thing to try and do - on top of everything else you had achieved. Don't punish yourself over and over for not managing it there and then.
Sometimes in life, yes, we have to lose someone we love and really fcuk up because, and please don't ask me why! but it teaches us something - God knows what?! But something that we need for later. It may be that ten years from now your best friend will be desperate and you will find the words to help them from something you learned.
Life is so weird! Have a hug! (Whether you want it or not!)
Edit: and drug addiction doesn't make you a and person x anyone, anywhere can get an addiction.
If I had a chance of living my life again, I would have not accepted any medications even if someone paid me to do it. They did not cure/solve/treat any of my problems and over time made things far worse. At best they masked some of my issues. At worst, they actually made me disabled and suicidal in the first place.
Kuba
God still keeps me in life
- Dec 4, 2018
- 28
Thanks for the hug! It's honestly the toughest lesson I've ever had to learn in my life. Breaking trust and letting someone down and not being able to repair it hurts like hell.
Thanks for the hug! It's honestly the toughest lesson I've ever had to learn in my life. Breaking trust and letting someone down and not being able to repair it hurts like hell.
Thanks for the hug! It's honestly the toughest lesson I've ever had to learn in my life. Breaking trust and letting someone down and not being able to repair it hurts like hell.
But you've learned it good and proper now, I bet! Which means in your next relationship with the right person you have the potential to be amazing, loyal, trustworthy and deserving of their love.
- and I keep doing the same with the post reply button :-)
Yes I can relate to this. I have beaten myself up for months for my mistake. But I was out of control. I was in way to deep to ever see that my actions were going to lead to my unhappiness. It was a lesson I had to learn. Haha the amount of mistakes I've made I suppose I did quite well to get to 31 years Before one of them had severe consequences.
It was/has been different for me. Arriving in a situation where whatever I did didn't have any clear path to getting better. Whatever I did could have been deadly and inaction would have been deadly, too. Four years later, and it's still so horrible that many times death seems like an only way out. I remember being 31 and there was nothing back then that could prepare me for what would be coming some years later. Absolutely nothing. And I'd gone through quite a share of traumatic events by my early 30's.
It's for this reason that this community is probably the only place where anyone can even remotely relate to what I'd been through. It's something at the very least, and I am thankful for that.
Hm, sounds similar to my situation not exactly but in reality it is just ourselves and others that ruin it for us genetics for me I don't like having to feel insecure about myself because of other people someone here how shall I live this world? For myself, family, and friends, why? For community and or society? What is like for those of you who truly want to CTB for those who are serious about it?
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Covert narcissist. Textbook one. Male, mid 40's.
And now I am at a stage in my life where I come to find out that my world collapses, mostly due to this disorder.
If anyone would like to chat about this, I would very much appreciate it.
And now I am at a stage in my life where I come to find out that my world collapses, mostly due to this disorder.
If anyone would like to chat about this, I would very much appreciate it.
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