Anyone having a hard time writing a note/notes?

[OnlyTheWind]

I've found it's best to keep it short and simple. Mine expresses the finality of the situation, the frustration with how everything turned out, and an apology all in about two lines. I did do a page long letter to a former teacher, but I might need to revise it again. I've also prepared brief messages to a few people. It is definitely harder to write than it appears!

 

[greencondo]

I can relate to you, both my parents are narcissists incapable of empathy or admitting their mistakes.

That's actually why I changed my mind about writing a note. I had written an essay and then deleted all of it.

I doubt even my death could get through to them. I may write a farewell note to my brothers and sister though.

I was thinking handwriting a short farewell to the ones who kept me going for this long.

It's more personal imo.

I may write one separately for each of the 3 people i will be disappointing.

That's terrible. I'm sorry to you and your siblings. Also to anyone else reading this who feels that they relate. I'm still addressing the ways in which its effected my mind, body and choices. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Mental health neglect is really a huge crisis.

In my case, it would be a very safe bet that CTB would only reinforce any negative feelings they already have/had about me. I have to deal with that because I'm not doing it for them to feel any kind of way. I'm doing it for me. I'm old and my body and mind is ran into the ground. I do not have the funds I would need to address any of these things properly. My future would most likely be a state run nursing home of some sort.

PM me if you need to talk tho.

 

[LingeringUnreal]

oh yes funeral song. and my pronouns. even though *I* won't be there to know. I don't understand myself.

Missed this reply but yeah, it's weird....I already know I won't have the correct name/pronouns at my funeral as long as my parents are still alive, so I'm just choosing the parts I know they'd be okay with (like song, making sure I'm cremated, etc). My friends know so I guess that's all that matters to me.

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

That's terrible. I'm sorry to you and your siblings. Also to anyone else reading this who feels that they relate. I'm still addressing the ways in which its effected my mind, body and choices. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Mental health neglect is really a huge crisis.

In my case, it would be a very safe bet that CTB would only reinforce any negative feelings they already have/had about me. I have to deal with that because I'm not doing it for them to feel any kind of way. I'm doing it for me. I'm old and my body and mind is ran into the ground. I do not have the funds I would need to address any of these things properly. My future would most likely be a state run nursing home of some sort.

PM me if you need to talk tho.

Thank you for your kind words. I'm so sorry you're still suffering, this kind of pain doesn't just go away.

And same here, suicide is a sin in my parent's religion (I'm secretly an atheist) so they will just think of me as a sinner. They have a very black and white view of the world.

I have no delusions that my suicide will bring about any kind of understanding in their hearts. And I'm tired of trying.

This kind of emotional neglect isn't taken as seriously as physical illnesses, even though it is literally killing people.

I'm so sorry you don't have anywhere to turn to. I wish i could give you a hug. (Not that it would be much help)

Thanks for reaching out.

 

[little helpers]

Missed this reply but yeah, it's weird....I already know I won't have the correct name/pronouns at my funeral as long as my parents are still alive, so I'm just choosing the parts I know they'd be okay with (like song, making sure I'm cremated, etc). My friends know so I guess that's all that matters to me.

same here. I've put "don't mess up my pronouns" on every suicide note I've written. still, no one's there to care. I'm too afraid the mortician's gonna do my corpse a "female" makeup when all I sincerely wish is they can fix my fucking chest at least postmortem. think I should prolly permanently tape it when I one day know it's gonna be a complete success. now that's a revelation. dunno 'bout your precise situation but I can only imagine there being a similar way with this one.

Idk. I often fall into thinking this is me being too self-aware. but if people don't find it odd picking funeral songs it shouldn't be weird that I want this either.

 

[greencondo]

Thank you for your kind words. I'm so sorry you're still suffering, this kind of pain doesn't just go away.

And same here, suicide is a sin in my parent's religion (I'm secretly an atheist) so they will just think of me as a sinner. They have a very black and white view of the world.

I have no delusions that my suicide will bring about any kind of understanding in their hearts. And I'm tired of trying.

This kind of emotional neglect isn't taken as seriously as physical illnesses, even though it is literally killing people.

I'm so sorry you don't have anywhere to turn to. I wish i could give you a hug. (Not that it would be much help)

Thanks for reaching out.

Obviously many factors in a situation, but I do know that at some point you and your siblings are able to find and outlet and help in processing the damage and suffering you feel.

but there are more resources, books, and awareness now. Its like you have to just start over and retrain/educate your brain. Even moving away from them seems to help in a lot of ways.
You sound much younger then myself and I hope for better for you. If you have siblings or anyone that cares about you, you really have a better chance. it really can get better. (not perfect, but bettter)

Thanks for the hug.