Anyone having a hard time writing a note/notes?

[_Minsk]

Maybe 6 years ago, it might have been not so hard, i still had a lil motivation left, but now? Im not even sure what to write honestly, all relationships have become complicated, sometimes i hate my dad because of his lies which really pushed me towards ctb, other times i feel like i have to write something, because i would feel guilty if anyone thought they might have caused me to ctb, or whatever..
Should i sugarcoat a bit? I planed to write at least a sheet of paper, now i just want to write a few lines, i feel disappointed, maybe just 1/3 of a sheet, does it even matter?..
I remember the days where i just wrote notes and they were not that bad, i didn't feel as crappy as now and it was way easier to just do it and the result was satisfying to me, maybe i have to accept to just do it, time goes really slow, i wish i already had the crucial parts for my method so it would feel easier to just do it..

 

[Noctis]

I think the decision to write a note, and what to write in it, is just as personal as the decision to ctb. Some days, you'll feel like you have so much you want to say after you're gone that you're going to burst if you don't write it down. And some days you'll want to keep all the pain inside and take it with you AND THAT'S OKAY! Just like there's no right or wrong way to live your own life, there's no right or wrong way to die your own death.

 

[Squidbits]

I feel the same way, OP. I've tried writing a note several times, and it's never felt right. At this point Ive decided I'm probably going to ctb and leave no note. I know it's not fair to those I leave behind, but I just cant bring myself to stress over it anymore.

 

[aprilshowers]

I'm having similar worries. I'm quite firm in my convictions, but I still want to justify my actions with my note. I'm hoping that if I get it right, there is a nonzero chance that someone else finds it logical and acts accordingly.

 

[LADY007]

I think the decision to write a note, and what to write in it, is just as personal as the decision to ctb. Some days, you'll feel like you have so much you want to say after you're gone that you're going to burst if you don't write it down. And some days you'll want to keep all the pain inside and take it with you AND THAT'S OKAY! Just like there's no right or wrong way to live your own life, there's no right or wrong way to die your own death.

I agree..no right or wrong way. I just wrote mine in bullet form. 1 thru 7 facts listed why I cbt'd. Just make sure to thank people, tell them you love them, tell them the torment is just to hard to stand anymore and keep it to read the next day in case you missed something you wanted to say.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Sort of…the hardest thing about it is that to be in the mood for working on it I have to be feeling VERY suicidal which means that I can't be online in this site for long because most of the time being here does so much to dissipate my suicidal feelings that I often don't feel compelled to work on my note. All of my current progress on my suicide note has been done while I was on hiatus from this site and I'm pretty sure I'm not even halfway through even though it's already quite long.

 

[Kobusu]

If it helps you at all, I had so much to say I ended up making into a book. I might be the first person to ever do a suicide book, rather than a note. Doubt it, but I can hope.

 

[Sanva]

my suicide note would be only for my family and honestly I've never really talked about my feelings with them. That's why I've always felt awkward writing anything for them. I just wouldn't know what to say. and yeah, sometimes I feel angry at them because it feels like they made me this way. So I'm scared of writing something that would hurt them. I might just not leave a note at all, I don't see much of a point in it anyway.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think the best thing with notes is to keep it simple, for mine I will have a few main points that I will focus on, saying things like there is nothing you could have done and now I am at peace. My note will act as closure and will mean those left behind are not left with unanswered questions. I wish you the best.

 

[thefoodispoison]

Every time I take a look at mine I feel like I trash the whole thing and start over.

 

[Samsara]

I think what helps is keeping the purpose of the note in mind - for me, it's really just to comfort ones I'll leave behind so it contains stuff like "Please don't be sad that I'm gone and instead think of the peace I've gained." Short and sweet is fine I think

 

[demuic]

I've drafted at least 3 at this point. There's a few main things I want to cover, the reasons why, and why nothing could have been done to fix things. I go back and forth as to how much I want to bring up certain negative events and actions.

I think it depends on what your goal is for the note. For some it's just to comfort who it's addressed to, for me it's also that it is specifically the last thing that I will consciously leave in this world, and so I want to express things that I was never able to actually say.

 

[LADY007]

I think what helps is keeping the purpose of the note in mind - for me, it's really just to comfort ones I'll leave behind so it contains stuff like "Please don't be sad that I'm gone and instead think of the peace I've gained." Short and sweet is fine I think

I will write about how they could not have talked me out of it and nothing they did caused me to do this. I think that is very important.

 

[Samsara]

I will write about how they could not have talked me out of it and nothing they did caused me to do this. I think that is very important.

Yes I believe I included a sentence stating that as well - good addition, helps ease potential guilt

 

[Crazy4u]

I will join the majority and not write any suicide notes. I don't see a point writing one. I thought about leaving a very short one to the person who finds me like: sorry for the mess, goodbye! I don't think I will do it though

 

[Thankyoufortoday]

I've written long letters to people in the past and never sent them. Just left them on my computer. Not sure what I'd even say in a final note. Too much to say yet nothing really to say at the same time

 

[idiotstillwantstodie]

Personally, i find notes tasteless. Let the act speak for itself.

But then again, i got nobody who really cares about me that much either.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

If it helps you at all, I had so much to say I ended up making into a book. I might be the first person to ever do a suicide book, rather than a note. Doubt it, but I can hope.

Like with chapters for each person or something ? This sounds fascinating.

I think what helps is keeping the purpose of the note in mind - for me, it's really just to comfort ones I'll leave behind so it contains stuff like "Please don't be sad that I'm gone and instead think of the peace I've gained." Short and sweet is fine I think

Yeah, in a way I think short and sweet might be best so they don't get way too absorbed into the note. Idk man.

 

[Zzzzz]

I probably won't have a note. I have little to say to this world after I'm dead.

 

[naturally]

I know I'm going to leave one, but I just figure when the time comes that's when I'll decide if I'll try to include everything or just be vague/poetic/to the point without mentioning names.

 

[LingeringUnreal]

I plan to leave one but I was raised very practically by people who went to a lot of funerals, so it'd just be like "here's how to contact x" or the details wrt cremation, basically a quick version of a living will. Including the song I want played at the funeral (Prayer by Hayley Westenra if curious).

My mom asks me a lot about if something "happened" to me because of previous suicide attempts, only the practical stuff so I figure that's the way to go instead of some long winded rant about the world or whatever.

 

[Kobusu]

Like with chapters for each person or something ? This sounds fascinating.

No chapters, just one really long look back at my life. It's like an autobiography of someone who's already dead, me remembering myself.

 

[little helpers]

I think the decision to write a note, and what to write in it, is just as personal as the decision to ctb. Some days, you'll feel like you have so much you want to say after you're gone that you're going to burst if you don't write it down. And some days you'll want to keep all the pain inside and take it with you AND THAT'S OKAY! Just like there's no right or wrong way to live your own life, there's no right or wrong way to die your own death.

^ this.

I plan to leave one but I was raised very practically by people who went to a lot of funerals, so it'd just be like "here's how to contact x" or the details wrt cremation, basically a quick version of a living will. Including the song I want played at the funeral (Prayer by Hayley Westenra if curious).

My mom asks me a lot about if something "happened" to me because of previous suicide attempts, only the practical stuff so I figure that's the way to go instead of some long winded rant about the world or whatever.

oh yes funeral song. and my pronouns. even though *I* won't be there to know. I don't understand myself.

 

[Gsvko]

You don't have to write one, I'm not gonna

 

[CiproKilledMe]

I spent months agonizing over my letter only to ultimately tear it up and throw it away. I'm not leaving a note to anyone other than to whoever comes to retrieve my body. The rest of my family had plenty of time and opportunity to talk with me while I was still alive (something I much prefer to speaking to them from beyond the grave) but they chose instead to pretend as if everything is fine. It's not fine. It wasn't fine. I tried and I'm done.

 

[greencondo]

I wont be writing anything. Maybe a note to who finds me to apologize.
Anything else would sound cheap and over dramatic to me. I haven't seen my family in years so they wouldn't know even know that I'm gone. As a matter of fact, even if I saw them yesterday and suddenly disappeared, they wouldn't give it a second thought, let alone want a note.

Side note but related: My mom always thought any thoughts or feelings expressed was "for attention" and I heard her brag about how parents should be like her and ignore, as to not indulge cry babies and/or disobedience. So, haha, she wont be wanting a note.

*If other's have family who loves them, I've heard they wish they had a note while other's say notes didn't help them deal with it at all. If you are CTB for medical reasons and you have family who loves you, I can see the benefit of giving them some last kind words.

 

[peepo]

Is anyone typing their note or handwriting it?

I have typed about 5000 words ranting about myself but I feel that handwriting might show more emotions.

 

[wCvML2]

I'm just gonna leave a note saying that it was my intention to die and if I failed horribly and turned out to become a vegetable - I give full consent to assisted suicide or whatever, just in case it will be an option. But I don't think that the note is gonna matter too much tbh

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

I'm just gonna leave a note saying that it was my intention to die and if I failed horribly and turned out to become a vegetable - I give full consent to assisted suicide or whatever, just in case it will be an option. But I don't think that the note is gonna matter too much tbh

I was thinking of writing something similar, like please don't 'rescue' me.

I've also made casual jokes in passing to people in the past, to switch off my life support, if anything happens to me.

Side note but related: My mom always thought any thoughts or feelings expressed was "for attention" and I heard her brag about how parents should be like her and ignore, as to not indulge cry babies and/or disobedience. So, haha, she wont be wanting a note.

I can relate to you, both my parents are narcissists incapable of empathy or admitting their mistakes.

That's actually why I changed my mind about writing a note. I had written an essay and then deleted all of it.

I doubt even my death could get through to them. I may write a farewell note to my brothers and sister though.

Is anyone typing their note or handwriting it?

I have typed about 5000 words ranting about myself but I feel that handwriting might show more emotions.

I was thinking handwriting a short farewell to the ones who kept me going for this long.

It's more personal imo.

I may write one separately for each of the 3 people i will be disappointing.

 

[Mobius1launch]

I've been proof-reading mine. Even bought a domain so others can read it when I'm gone. I'm even trying to get the font right. I'm dumb as hell.