Anyone have social anxiety so bad it is hard to even post/comment here?

[Ligottian]

After lurking for a long time I finally worked up the courage to make an account and contribute to the forum. I definitely enjoy contributing but I still find myself constantly second-guessing anything I type and editing it over and over again to make it sound right. It helps that it's anonymous and everyone here is friendly but it can still be hard sometimes.

I have social anxiety and I do what you mentioned. But in my case, I think it's more of an OCD thing.

 

[BurnBurnBurn]

Thank you for bringing light to this topic. I was a lurker on these forums for a LONG time before I got the guts to actually join and I was absolutely terrified when I made my first post. Admittedly I'm still nervous as hell any time I make a post but I'm slowly getting myself into the habit of doing it in the hopes that my fear will diminish over time. I think a big thing that's helped me personally is just how understanding people on this forum seem to be. That takes away some of the fear at least.

 

[OldDrummer]

I definitely enjoy contributing but I still find myself constantly second-guessing anything I type and editing it over and over again to make it sound right.

Dude, vent it right out. You'll find nothing but love and support on here (hopefully!).

Don't overthink it. Just vent.

 

[Panna]

of course, even after having been a member for a while I sometimes will delete my posts if it kicks in my brain that a buch of people will hate it. You want try and get along with "everyone" even if its not possible. Having anyone hate you and being aware is painful.

 

[demuic]

I definitely feel that. I sometimes delete Youtube accounts to ensure all the comments I've made in the last year or so are gone. I had debilitating social anxiety when I was younger. I'm not so bad now - partly because I realized that 50% of it wasn't anxiety - it was simply my introverted personality. But the part of it that was anxiety caused me to go over everything I'd said to anyone that day, over and over, to see if I'd said anything shameful.

This will probably sound harsh, but the thing that helped my social anxiety more than anything, was the realization that I was being really selfish. I thought I was the centre of the universe, that I was special, that the things I said to people were really important, that people should care what I thought and said and how I said it, that my opinion on this or that was important, and that other people must think my opinions are important too, that other people valued my existence within their lives as much as I valued my existence within their lives. I realized that I was HUGELY exaggerating how special I was in the grand scheme of things, and how significant my existence was to strangers. I was projecting my own self-centred importance onto how I thought others perceived my role in their lives.

A way of thinking that helped me - to remember that you are the leading role in your own movie, and to your family and friends you have a supporting role, but to everyone else on this planet you are an insignificant extra who won't even be on the end credits - they literally don't give a shit about your role in their movies whatsoever, they don't even know you exist! They're too busy thinking about their own leading roles and in their own movies to give a fuck what you said 10 minutes ago, they weren't even listening. And to top that all off, THEY are just an insignificant extra in YOUR movie, so what the fuck do you care what they think anyway?!

From the Truman Show...
Truman - "...it feels like the whole world revolves around me somehow."
Marlon - "It's a lot of world for one man, Truman. Are you sure that's not wishful thinking?"

Another thing I do that helps a lot is make a list of all the things you would have to do to be a truly awful person by your own standards (yours, not others), things you would have to do to feel genuinely ashamed of yourself socially, so...

Swore at him/her aggressively
Tried to frighten him/her
Threatened to punch him/her
Tried to bully him/her
Tried to intimidate him/her
Tried to purposefully manipulate/deceive him/her to get what I want
Deliberately tried to insult him/her to hurt them
etc...

And when you're feeling anxious about a situation that has happened, go through the list, tick each one off, and now you know you did nothing bad, by your own standards, which is all that matters to you and your conscience, and then you can forget about it, or go through the list again if it pops up again!

Maybe some of that will help!

Reminds me of this.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Reminds me of this.

View attachment 87350

Exactly! I think it's closely related to the idea of comparing yourself to others, and then projecting that onto others by assuming that everyone else is comparing themselves to you. Very low self-esteem can make you feel incredibly unimportant, and the most important person in the world, at the same time!

 

[sad_gurl_thoughts]

Totally get your perspective but I encourage you to embrace the radical freedom of posting fairly anonymously on the internet. :)

Messages boards should be safe spaces anyways.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

Yet another person chiming in to relate. While I don't have social anxiety, I definitely overthink, revise, and edit to precision. Posting is an often daunting process, but it's all right to let go of the thoughts. Most people are very friendly here, and while I've gotten a few abrasive comments, I just clarify my point and move on; I try not to hold anything against people for speaking their mind. We're all suffering here, and it's usually nothing personal.

I hope to see you around the forums more.

 

[LastFlowers]

Exactly! I think it's closely related to the idea of comparing yourself to others, and then projecting that onto others by assuming that everyone else is comparing themselves to you. Very low self-esteem can make you feel incredibly unimportant, and the most important person in the world, at the same time!

I mean, unfortunately, in this reality, comparison is inevitable, everyone is constantly comparing themselves to you or others (or being compared to someone else without their knowledge, by others), and sometimes to make them feel better about themselves, which even an "insignificant" person could be used for the purpose of.
These can be quick judgements by a stranger or drawn out ruminations.
Clouding your own vision will not change this.

I also disagree with the whole sentiment about "selfishness/self-importance/narcissism" being some flip side or the core cause of an individual experiencing worry/anxiety/vigilance around other people.
That sounds eerily similar to some psychobabble "the blame is on you!" bullshit, it reminds me of the language and techniques used in cognitive behavioral therapy.
I know why I, personally, have to worry about the thoughts and actions of others during my interactions or general forced presence in the public eye, and it has nothing to do with thinking highly of myself and everything to do with wanting to remain informed and alert-to avoid further trauma that I have already experienced enough times in my life.

Low self-esteem is usually the result of already having been compared negatively to others time and time again, marked as "less than", unseen, or seen only to disregard as a source of "thank god I'm not them".
No projection necessary.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be noticed when you're not (which doesn't apply to this scenario), nor is there anything wrong with rightfully expecting to be noticed for the wrong reasons, or for history to continue to repeat itself, especially when no relevant life factors have changed.

If wanting to shield and protect myself from further harm or diminishment, in the absence of any outsider ever being willing to afford me the same, is to be considered "selfish" or any adjective of that nature, then so be it, but I find that entire notion to be patently ridiculous in the context of which it is being spoken.
Sometimes we are the only ones who give a damn about ourselves, and so all compassion and protective measures have to be focused inwards, you can only put out what was put in.
This is not to be confused with any genuine sense of egotism.

 

[artificial_ineptness]

I was like that for some years, posted pretty much nothing anywhere, or made throwaways and deleted everything soon after, but for one reason or another the anxiety has gotten better recently.

Now, instead of feeling anxious about saying something cringe, boring or offensive, I am certain that I'll do it anyway, so there's nothing to be anxious about
(I can only feel sorry for anyone having to read what I write and the fact that I sometimes cannot stop myself from sharing my worthless opinion)

 

[O_oreo.]

bruh, social anxiety is a torment, it is horrible, sometimes I have felt out of my body when I feel it, in my networks I also constantly check if my publications are right or wrong, I have felt that they are watching me, I know, it sounds crazy, but one does not ask to suffer from this kind of things.

 

[shush]

I've been here lurking since 2019, haven't made a single post... only comments and that still gives me a lot of anxiety. so, yeah you're definitely not alone on this! And I'm proud of you for having the courage to post something!

 

[Tomoko]

Lately, yes. I used to be super active here but lately it is hard.

 

[Tonight634]

After lurking for a long time I finally worked up the courage to make an account and contribute to the forum. I definitely enjoy contributing but I still find myself constantly second-guessing anything I type and editing it over and over again to make it sound right. It helps that it's anonymous and everyone here is friendly but it can still be hard sometimes.

Absolutely, every time I post I'm super uncomfortable, that's why I don't post all that much. And not just here

 

[Efilismislife]

i cant pm you. But are you still active?
Saw your post on partner thread

Yess, i feel so relate to your words and everyone words in the comment section here. It's takes a lot of courage for me even to comment and interacting in this site. I know people in here are really nice and supporting, this site is giving me so much comfort. Thanks to the people here ❤
However most of the time when i want to comment something, anxiety just take over myself and i decided not to say anything...

Weird thing is i feel more afraid to be interacting online, i have no problem interacting IRL. Actually i'm quite sociable person IRL, no unnecessary anxiety and discomfort. Very opposite to my social life online, i wonder why. Maybe i'm just worried that people won't perceive what my words actually meant and take it the wrong way...

Welp, now i'm gonna lurking in the darkness again.. i hope your anxiety becomes better!

 

[Forever Sleep]

Weirdly, I'm not so scared posting here because I've mostly had good experiences. People seem to be very open minded and empathetic.

Plus, I kind of think- it's all of our own choices what we read or skip. If my messages are irritating/boring- people can just skip over them.

I'm TERRIBLE in real life though!

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It is a pretty forgiving audience.

 

[foreverfalling]

Yes I worry about whether what I'm saying is actually valuable or not, whether anyone is going to read it, whether my ideas are right, if the way I express these ideas is clear, then the worrying makes it harder to know what to write, and then I lose all motivation to post anything.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yes I worry about whether what I'm saying is actually valuable or not, whether anyone is going to read it, whether my ideas are right, if the way I express these ideas is clear, then the worrying makes it harder to know what to write, and then I lose all motivation to post anything.

It's just people keeping each other company