Discussion Anyone have kids?

[Tiburcio]

Sorry but your going to have to stick around for the kids. I believe in freedom of choice when it comes to suicide but I also believe even stronger in taking care of the life you started.

This is exactly what I think too. Mirrored.

 

[Volatile]

Your progeny needs you

 

[FairyAlys]

The thought of my children growing up with their father stopped me 25 years ago.
I still feel guilty as I have two grandsons that I look after a lot. My daughter got married recently and the thought that I won't be here to help her is ever present .
But I know they'll be ok. They will be sad but they're grown up and have good lives.

Only you know what's best for you . Frankly I'm a bit shocked / annoyed at some of the comments here: not very helpful or supportive. You'll make the choices that are right for you .

 

[Breelia]

The thought of my children growing up with their father stopped me 25 years ago.
I still feel guilty as I have two grandsons that I look after a lot. My daughter got married recently and the thought that I won't be here to help her is ever present .
But I know they'll be ok. They will be sad but they're grown up and have good lives.

Only you know what's best for you . Frankly I'm a bit shocked / annoyed at some of the comments here: not very helpful or supportive. You'll make the choices that are right for you .

Interesting that there is a trend with regard to gender.

It's fine for a man with kids to leave but the moment a woman with kids does...she is the worst kind of evil.

I'm stuck in this hell because of what a man did to me, and it's more men telling me I can't leave.

 

[Tiburcio]

It's fine for a man with kids to leave

It isn't neither.

 

[great-ape99]

Interesting that there is a trend with regard to gender.

It's fine for a man with kids to leave but the moment a woman with kids does...she is the worst kind of evil.

I'm stuck in this hell because of what a man did to me, and it's more men telling me I can't leave.

I would have said the same thing to a male. So where did you see that it's OK for a man to commit suicide and leave kids?

 

[Leavemebe]

I cannot agree that the kids will forget you. My God daughter has seen me for the first time in two years, she's only three. She remembered me. They will remember you, but it is your choice to dictate how they will remember you.

Leave them fond memories to hold onto if you decide to go through with it. Leave them a letter to remind them that it is not their fault, and that you love them.

Do what you need to in order to settle your heart. You have been through enough, and no one has the right to take your choice away here, like they have with other things. Seek help from a psychiatrist, not an er or a primary care physician. If they liken your pain to a pity party, leave them behind and find someone else to talk to. You don't need that negativity on your plate.

If you decide to exit, look for methods that minimize impact on the munchkins. Cleaner methods, less blood, away from home. The last gift you can give them is not to traumatize them more than necessary.

Remember, it's your choice. It's your body, your life. You are the only one who can decide what is appropriate for it.

 

[Final Escape]

I have 2 biological kids and one step son. They are all very much dependent on me. My husband has another partner, so they will still have a 'mum' I guess.

Is it wrong to leave them? It's literally the only thing holding me back.

There are some legal issues too. My eldest was conceived through rape, so she is not my husband's biological daughter. I'm scared that if I go...my rapist will be given access to her. I don't know how to seek legal advice about this. Maybe I could lie and say I have a terminal illness?

My life has been full of difficulties. I'm on the high functioning end of the autistic spectrum, I look and appear normal but I never feel like I fit in this world. I'm also easily led and misunderstand situations which has led to sexual abuse on multiple occasions starting at just 3 years old. I just feel that 30 years has been long enough, I need out.

Any thoughts or advice is appreciated.

I suspect I might have high functioning autism as well. I've had same issues. Kids with disabilities more vulnerable to predators for sure. But at just 3 yrs old u were helpless and that has nothing to do with any disability.

 

[weedoge]

Somehow I always knew I would never want kids, never in my life even when I was really young did I have the desire.

 

[Final Escape]

For me personally I would say sexual abuse at the age of 3 like the original poster said is more tragic than other cases to commit suicide even though every person who committed suicide is still tragic.

Am I the only one who feels rape is worse than some cases of suffering? not all cases but some. Just curious.

Rape is bad especially on young kids, and what's even worse is that often u don't get help to process the trauma and this will continue to cause problems until u can get help. This is probably why some people with histories of sexual abuse eventually ctb.

 

[Final Escape]

Somehow I always knew I would never want kids, never in my life even when I was really young did I have the desire.

I didn't either and even though I'm pregnant right now I still can't imagine having to take care of this kid because we will be poor and no dad.

 

[Tiburcio]

If you decide to exit, look for methods that minimize impact on the munchkins. Cleaner methods, less blood, away from home. The last gift you can give them is not to traumatize them more than necessary.

It won't minimize anything. A dead mother is a dead mother. It's traumatizing with blood or without it.

Remember, it's your choice. It's your body, your life. You are the only one who can decide what is appropriate for it.

Yes, it's her life... And fir this, other two lifes will be ruined for it.

It's her choice... I know she was raped so it doesn't count, but another children conceived voluntary: it was your choice too. And for it, he hasn't to pay the consequences of others action (a parent suicide). That choice directly affects others.

You are the only one who can decide what is appropriate for it.

This is what most people do: what is easier for them, not what is morally correct.


I'm not talking about Breelia because her circumstances are different, I'm talking about a lot of other parents who are doing something decisive for others. My parents were suicidal so I don't say thus things lightly. I won't say what do you want to hear, sorry.

 

[Leavemebe]

Your morals are not applicable in someone else's life. Especially if you do not personally know them. I don't care what you think is right, you do not get to bully them into suffering for the rest of their lives over what YOU think is right. It's unfair to the kids to watch their parent wither away, and it's unfair to the parent that has to suffer through it and watch what it does to their children.

If the parents give enough of a damn about their kids, they will do whatever they can to secure a future for them after the event. But that should not chain them to a life they are absolutely miserable in.

 

[Tiburcio]

It's unfair to the kids to watch their parent wither away, and it's unfair to the parent that has to suffer through it and watch what it does to their children.

That could be perfectly avoided, but now it's too late. Don't act like children and take some responsibility, please. Stop acting like if sons owe their own life to their parents when is not like it.

Also, look at this. The truth is hurtful, but true.

You have created life and you are responsible for it. If they suffer it is directly your fault because you could've prevented their suffering.

In the end it is your choice but if I was you I would never even create life in the first place.

As I said, now it's too late.

But sure, the choice is yours, then go to ruin the lifes YOU decided to tale care of!

 

[lv-gras]

.

 

[Leavemebe]

If sons don't owe their lives to their fathers then the opposite is true. No one owes their life or happiness to someone else. To think that you can bully someone into thinking it is just that. Bullying.

You have made it painfully obvious how you feel on the matter, and I have stated my opposing views. I'm done, because changing people's minds is not why I'm here. I will support the right to choose till my dying breath, because I have spent my entire life being shoved into the boxes of other people's ideals. It's stupid, it sucks and it's miserable. Cut it out.

 

[Breelia]

I suspect I might have high functioning autism as well. I've had same issues. Kids with disabilities more vulnerable to predators for sure. But at just 3 yrs old u were helpless and that has nothing to do with any disability.

Dorry to hear that you've had these problems too :(

 

[Breelia]

there is a pun there which will try not to dignify by pointing out

You just did...

 

[Deckchairs]

Really glad I never had kids. No one to feel bad about leaving. But who am I kidding as a manic depressive i'm not in shape to take good care of any. Or maybe it would give me something to live for?

 

[StarDust]

For me personally I would say sexual abuse at the age of 3 like the original poster said is more tragic than other cases to commit suicide even though every person who committed suicide is still tragic.

Am I the only one who feels rape is worse than some cases of suffering? not all cases but some. Just curious.

Rape is a horrible thing for anyone to go through...it never leaves you and haunts your waking days and your dreams. You never get over it...you can push it down but it will always rear it's ugly head. Forget having a normal relationship or sexual relationship afterwards. Some part of it will always be tainted.

I know, I've been there.... It has fucked me up in more ways than one.

 

[StarDust]

understand your thoughts, but personally

have been raped and assaulted or violated in other ways, and the otherways were worse. they felt like rape too but can't call them that.

they think if you are "mentally ill" or disabled they can do whatever they want to you

If you take the term rape as it was first originally denoted back in the olden days, then yes other things outside of sexual assault can be called rape. Because rape isn't just sexual assault; it also means to plunder or strip something of resources. Which is where the term first came from. When people use to rape villages (to take what they wanted and strip it bear) Rape means to violate to strip it bare to take no heed and harm.

 

[Psychosa]

Really glad I never had kids. No one to feel bad about leaving. But who am I kidding as a manic depressive i'm not in shape to take good care of any. Or maybe it would give me something to live for?

I thought that too, and in a way they have helped me. They helped keep me from cutting for a long time, but I recently started again. Hopefully I can stay away from it though because I don't even know what I would say if my son asked why I had cuts. They are sweet and nice, but it's alot of work. No sleep and constant stress on top of my depression is killing me. I feel like I'm too overwhelmed and I just shut down. IDK what to do anymore or how long I can keep doing this.

 

[Breelia]

I thought that too, and in a way they have helped me. They helped keep me from cutting for a long time, but I recently started again. Hopefully I can stay away from it though because I don't even know what I would say if my son asked why I had cuts. They are sweet and nice, but it's alot of work. No sleep and constant stress on top of my depression is killing me. I feel like I'm too overwhelmed and I just shut down. IDK what to do anymore or how long I can keep doing this.

I'm so sorry you feel the same way as I do.

 

[Breelia]

I know not everyone will be okay with my choices but I have to do what is right for me.

Yes it will be traumatic for the kids but they can go own to live happy and healthy lives, I'm worried that if I slip further down this rabbit hole I will actually do more damage. I want them to remember a mum that had it together, a mum that showed them affection, a mum that laughed when they told jokes. I don't want them to have a mum who is cold and snappy. Who leaves them to sort themselves out because she cant bring herself to do anything. I don't want them to have a mum who sucks the happiness out of their lives by being the person I'm becoming.

 

[and 10 others]

Have you considered getting life insurance?