Anyone feel like they "deserve" to die?

[Water-Lily]

I almost feel dirty and disgusting. I feel nasty and rotten. I feel like, I am just a genuine waste of space
I feel I don't have the right to take up space. The space I take up could be taken by someone of more value and worth
I am a waste of space
Abuse and trauma made me this way
Trauma that gives me daily anxiety and makes me feel disgusting and impure
It makes me feel like, why would anyone want to be around someone like me?
Why could anyone want to be near me?
I wish I had the galls to kill myself
And everyday that passes where I don't die
I feel like I have failed the world even more

 

[FuneralCry]

I do feel like I deserve to die, but in the way that I see myself as deserving peace and I deserve better than a miserable life. I deserve eternal nothingness, I never asked for any of this suffering in the first place, I never should have been born. I'm sorry that you are in so much pain, I can imagine that it must be unbearable. I wish you the best.

 

[Water-Lily]

I do feel like I deserve to die, but in the way that I see myself as deserving peace and I deserve better than a miserable life. I deserve eternal nothingness, I never asked for any of this suffering in the first place, I never should have been born. I'm sorry that you are in so much pain, I can imagine that it must be unbearable. I wish you the best.

thanks. The peace from death would be a nice touch too. Hopefully greater than what I have been given here

 

[spacehardware]

I don't think of myself as deserving to be dead, more just better off that way. Better off for me, for sure, and sometimes I think better off for the few people who care about me too.

 

[corvoscuro]

Yes in the sense that I have health issues for more than 10 years by now. I'm getting worse and worse by the day. I'm angry that I'm not dead from something natural, and I feel like I'm deserving of a peaceful death for what I had to go through.

 

[Water-Lily]

Yes in the sense that I have health issues for more than 10 years by now. I'm getting worse and worse by the day. I'm angry that I'm not dead from something natural, and I feel like I'm deserving of a peaceful death for what I had to go through.

My heart breaks for your health issues *hugs*. I hope that you find ways to help ease the pain (outside of suicidal thoughts). In my case I just want my brain to shut up but it won't. That would mean looking at things deeper than beyond the surface level and that is so hard. Its like, the idea of dying and getting away is better than facing my problems head on.

I don't think of myself as deserving to be dead, more just better off that way. Better off for me, for sure, and sometimes I think better off for the few people who care about me too.

I feel that. I know I have some people who care, but then I tell myself "I'm only one person, they have other better people who matter"

 

[CommitSudoku]

I used to feel this way all the time. I still often do, but I've become more numb/empty/tired and surprisingly I don't think those things specifically as much. I can't argue/change how you feel but I would disagree since from talking before I know you're putting in an effort. I enjoyed talking to you and I'm sorry you feel so horribly when so much has happened outside of your control.
I definitely relate with wanting to avoid facing some problems, especially when said problems have no hope of getting better. That's probably a favor we can give ourselves as a small kindness. Not that avoidal is always possible or the best though. But we can only take so much.

 

[Water-Lily]

I used to feel this way all the time. I still often do, but I've become more numb/empty/tired and surprisingly I don't think those things specifically as much. I can't argue/change how you feel but I would disagree since from talking before I know you're putting in an effort. I enjoyed talking to you and I'm sorry you feel so horribly when so much has happened outside of your control.
I definitely relate with wanting to avoid facing some problems, especially when said problems have no hope of getting better. That's probably a favor we can give ourselves as a small kindness. Not that avoidal is always possible or the best though. But we can only take so much.

It took me a while to remember you. Yes I did seem more hopeful. This morning I shut down hardcore. I can't...do this anymore
I can't really explain but, I just feel depending on what happens tonight I will have to end my life.

 

[.............]

I feel that way as well. I feel as if I'm a burden to everyone around me. It's such a horrible feeling and whatever you end up doing, I hope you feel peaceful.

 

[Water-Lily]

I feel that way as well. I feel as if I'm a burden to everyone around me. It's such a horrible feeling and whatever you end up doing, I hope you feel peaceful.

thanks. I am scared I'll have to do something tonight

 

[CommitSudoku]

It took me a while to remember you. Yes I did seem more hopeful. This morning I shut down hardcore. I can't...do this anymore
I can't really explain but, I just feel depending on what happens tonight I will have to end my life.

What might happen tonight that makes you feel that way?
It wasn't that you felt hopeful just that you were making an effort to do things. Even if that isn't possible now it doesn't change what you did. Did something happen this morning?

 

[Stuckaf2]

Yes I absolutely do! An inferior abomination like me is a shame to the human race and should be killed asap.

 

[Water-Lily]

What might happen tonight that makes you feel that way?
It wasn't that you felt hopeful just that you were making an effort to do things. Even if that isn't possible now it doesn't change what you did. Did something happen this morning?

Something I can't go into. But...I became vulnerable. And now I am scared will get a repeat of everything I have been told. The messages that sent me into a spiraling panic attack ever since I was 18. I cannot take it anymore. If this vulnerability leads to that I am taking my life

The Brooklyn Bridge is not far from my destination. I just have to hope that it'll be enough for a kill

Yes I absolutely do! An inferior abomination like me is a shame to the human race and should be killed asap.

I feel this so much. I feel bad that you feel similarly *hugs*

 

[Siterfau]

Yeah, I do. Or did, cause like CommitSudoku, it's more numb now. I think my life isn't anywhere near bad enough to warrant wanting to ctb, but in my mind, that just shows how much I deserve it.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Something I can't go into. But...I became vulnerable. And now I am scared will get a repeat of everything I have been told. The messages that sent me into a spiraling panic attack ever since I was 18. I cannot take it anymore. If this vulnerability leads to that I am taking my life

Feeling vulnerable is the worst. I'm sorry for whatever happened. If you ever want to talk free free to PM, I'll be on and off. Wherever tonight leads you I hope you're able to think things through and do what is best for you, whatever form it may take.

 

[Water-Lily]

Feeling vulnerable is the worst. I'm sorry for whatever happened. If you ever want to talk free free to PM, I'll be on and off. Wherever tonight leads you I hope you're able to think things through and do what is best for you, whatever form it may take.

thank you. I appreciate the concern

 

[RetroChaos]

The fact I've been arrested twice, once because I kept trying to contact my ex causing her undue stress and making her hate me even more, makes me agree 100% yes I do deserve to die. I can't believe I've hurt her that bad and it breaks me

 

[summertimestars4]

yep, i feel you and i totally hear you! i feel inferior in every way, everyday.

 

[Water-Lily]

yep, i feel you and i totally hear you! i feel inferior in every way, everyday.

It's a sad feeling

 

[summertimestars4]

It's a sad feeling

indeed it is i'm sorry you feel this way, too. it isn't necessarily true that we are worse than others, i know my brain likes to kick my ass lol and tell me i suck constantly. i can tell by your writing that you are an articulate person, and that you have good taste from your profile pic choice. all my best vibes to you to feel a little better today.

 

[Water-Lily]

I made it back home after taking a walk

I am going to eat some food. Then volunteer and jump off a bridge after

This is impulsive, but I cannot go back home and have another panic attack tonight

I'll hope this kills me. I really hope I do not survive and go to a hospital.

 

[Lungz]

I've had this kind of dysphoria for exiting since I was a child. It sucks knowing it probably wont go away

 

[Water-Lily]

I've had this kind of dysphoria for exiting since I was a child. It sucks knowing it probably wont go away

I feel some feelings from childhood never really go away. They become burdens when one becomes an adult

 

[Ch92921]

This life is pain for me!!!

 

[Water-Lily]

This life is pain for me!!!

I feel that buddy. Hence I hope I can throw it all away tonight

 

[Ch92921]

I feel some feelings from childhood never really go away. They become burdens when one becomes an adult

This are trauma?! They are awaful the brain brings back this situations in a painful way.

 

[Water-Lily]

This are trauma?! They are awaful the brain brings back this situations in a painful way.

tell me about it. Its why I am ending it. Treatment hasn't done anything

 

[Ch92921]

tell me about it. Its why I am ending it. Treatment hasn't done anything

Im suffering under mini traumas(many). Therapy hasnt worked. Cant controll it.

 

[Water-Lily]

Im suffering under mini traumas(many). Therapy hasnt worked. Cant controll it.

I wish you were not in this position. It pains me when things happen to us and treatment feels futile.

 

[EraseRewind]

I'm so sorry that you've been pushed so hard into feeling this way, I believe those that have made you feel you are worthless need to look hard at themselves. I pray you can find a way through this and move forward.

I also feel that my life is effectively worthless and I deserve death, more for some of the things I've done myself, I've paid my debt to society and then some but there is still a voice that says that a price is still to be paid.

I'm volunteering although my country has made it more difficult at the moment, but I believe that if some good comes of it and I'm killed then balance will be restored for my family.