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Water-Lily

Water-Lily

Enlightened
Dec 26, 2020
1,203
I'm so sorry that you've been pushed so hard into feeling this way, I believe those that have made you feel you are worthless need to look hard at themselves. I pray you can find a way through this and move forward.

I also feel that my life is effectively worthless and I deserve death, more for some of the things I've done myself, I've paid my debt to society and then some but there is still a voice that says that a price is still to be paid.

I'm volunteering although my country has made it more difficult at the moment, but I believe that if some good comes of it and I'm killed then balance will be restored for my family.
I wish I could be killed, but that won't happen
You sound like a kind soul who wants to help and hope for the best for others. I hope you can find a sense of happiness and peace in your life
As for me, it is what it is. I wasn't dealt with very good cards. Very bad ones, traumatic ones. The burden is too heavy to carry. And with treatment not working I don't have any hope left. Living another day is a day worthy of pain. I am not doing it anymore
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: EraseRewind
L

LifeIsSh*t

Member
Aug 22, 2021
6
Yes, I feel like I deserve to die but more because I feel like I have earned it by now.

I have limped on 15odd years now from my first suicide attempt as a teenager. Worked hard as bits of me stopped working and the pain got worse. Now in mid-late 30s with various chronic illnesses, utterly exhausted, sick of pain and body not working properly, sick of living alone and not even been able to have a pet for company for violent allergies. I spent the last 15 years working hard to leave something good behind for my family whilst not taking on more obligations (like kids) in that period.

I like to think I have earned the right and deserve to die.
 
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Reactions: jimmy7754
Water-Lily

Water-Lily

Enlightened
Dec 26, 2020
1,203
Yes, I feel like I deserve to die but more because I feel like I have earned it by now.

I have limped on 15odd years now from my first suicide attempt as a teenager. Worked hard as bits of me stopped working and the pain got worse. Now in mid-late 30s with various chronic illnesses, utterly exhausted, sick of pain and body not working properly, sick of living alone and not even been able to have a pet for company for violent allergies. I spent the last 15 years working hard to leave something good behind for my family whilst not taking on more obligations (like kids) in that period.

I like to think I have earned the right and deserve to die.
I think it's beautiful you worked hard to help others. It shows your kind heart beneath your heavy pain *hugs*
Made it to the volunteer destination.

My heart is pounding hard.

I gave my father back his debit card

Don't want that to be lost

I brought my laptop so no one checks into it at home

After this, we'll see
 
Last edited:
  • Aww..
Reactions: Joey
Water-Lily

Water-Lily

Enlightened
Dec 26, 2020
1,203
Hey. Unfortunately I was too chicken to ho through with it
I'm supposed to see my therapist today who...hopefully could help me get into a respite housing program
I don't know how I'll tell her about my planned suicide....
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Intelligent_Panic99 and EraseRewind
EraseRewind

EraseRewind

Circling the drain
May 13, 2020
225
Hey. Unfortunately I was too chicken to ho through with it
I'm supposed to see my therapist today who...hopefully could help me get into a respite housing program
I don't know how I'll tell her about my planned suicide....
You were not too chicken, you were courageous by carrying on living.

I hope you can work through this with your therapist.

Praying for you.
 

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