These past several weeks, I've been more active in researching for ways to CTB and even playing out the scenarios in my head of how my CTB would like. In my whole life, I've never been like. Sure, I was depressed from time to time, not suicidal depressed but occasionally depressed. This was until this past year when I suffered a perfect storm of illnesses: fibula fracture (I wouldn't consider this bad really since I pretty much recovered from it), post-acute withdrawal syndrome (e.g. insomnia, appetite loss, muscle twitches), and oral cancer (e.g. Actinic Cheilitis, possible tongue cancer as well from leukoplakias).
I do want to be free from the illnesses and I think a portion of people on here could relate, especially if they have chronic or terminal illnesses. But, I don't know why, recently at a subconscious level I have this deep-rooted feeling of "what am I doing here?" or "is this even real?" Like I feel a sense of dread by even finding delight in finding 'the' method and researching for ways to CTB.
Does anyone feel like this? I guess some of you do since we're all human and some of us have similar threads that led us here. My life has been stolen when it was starting to look up and things were going swell for the first time in my life. I feel like I'm in a simulation.
I do want to be free from the illnesses and I think a portion of people on here could relate, especially if they have chronic or terminal illnesses. But, I don't know why, recently at a subconscious level I have this deep-rooted feeling of "what am I doing here?" or "is this even real?" Like I feel a sense of dread by even finding delight in finding 'the' method and researching for ways to CTB.
Does anyone feel like this? I guess some of you do since we're all human and some of us have similar threads that led us here. My life has been stolen when it was starting to look up and things were going swell for the first time in my life. I feel like I'm in a simulation.
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