i pretty much live in an open air prison in my room
community college is really easy and im going to transfer to university earlier than my peers with 2 years shaved off and a bunch of money saved, but i dont really feel like im living a human life.
i tried volunteering things based on my interests and i couldnt last 30 minutes because anxiety or some shit idk but i get that disassociating sweaty feeling and i just cant handle it
tried going to an autism group and it was online and it was either high support needs people, 60 year old women, or people who didnt talk. also i dont really know how to transfer these group meetings into social ties
sometimes i wonder how even normal people make friends because in my cs class i pretty much gave an answer to one of the assignments, try to engage with people in discussions. crickets. no respones. its kinda odd because this is considered an "upper division" class (computer architecture) so i imagine people would be invested in learning a lot about it
i also joined the cs club at my college and nobody talks either
i cant even go outside without feeling horrible. its not even a mere "fear" anymore, but a physical painful sensation, like a headache
ive tried tons of treatments, tms, im in therapy, medication, etc nothing really helped
i dont think ive explained to my therapist the weight of the situation im in enough, so i think thats kind of my fault though
anyone relate??
community college is really easy and im going to transfer to university earlier than my peers with 2 years shaved off and a bunch of money saved, but i dont really feel like im living a human life.
i tried volunteering things based on my interests and i couldnt last 30 minutes because anxiety or some shit idk but i get that disassociating sweaty feeling and i just cant handle it
tried going to an autism group and it was online and it was either high support needs people, 60 year old women, or people who didnt talk. also i dont really know how to transfer these group meetings into social ties
sometimes i wonder how even normal people make friends because in my cs class i pretty much gave an answer to one of the assignments, try to engage with people in discussions. crickets. no respones. its kinda odd because this is considered an "upper division" class (computer architecture) so i imagine people would be invested in learning a lot about it
i also joined the cs club at my college and nobody talks either
i cant even go outside without feeling horrible. its not even a mere "fear" anymore, but a physical painful sensation, like a headache
ive tried tons of treatments, tms, im in therapy, medication, etc nothing really helped
i dont think ive explained to my therapist the weight of the situation im in enough, so i think thats kind of my fault though
anyone relate??
