Anyone else wish they were not gay?

[Disappointered]

In the past I had half joked on more than one occasion that I wished I was homosexual as it would make it easier to find a partner. Turns out snobbery and exclusiveness are so fundamental to human nature that even men looking for men are just as demanding as everyone else.

If sex is the highest valued life experience yet everyone also wants to impose exacting standards when deciding who will be allowed to "commune" with them, then most people's lives will be worthless. I wonder if being asexual is the best. It's probably really boring. Still better than being trapped in the world of sex to serve as the one who validates the happy end of the curve by being the reject on the other end. Maybe for the other 80%, being boring, clean and asexual is the next best thing to being dead. Or maybe the state should fund plastic surgery and whatever else is needed so that everyone can become a physically attractive member of a society in which a porn star lifestyle is the most fulfilling achievement to be had. That would probably work better than funding prostitutes as part of a basic right to mental well-being. This forum would probably still be pretty active though. Because then people would lose interest in sex and find some other way of creating exclusionary social networks to make themselves feel superior. And in any case, you can't fix shortness with surgery.

 

[thedaywillcome]

It the striatum which is for sexual orientation and gender identity. Also autism has a lot to do with the striatum(putamen/caudate).

There is a connection between autism and gender dysphoria!

 

[PlathWannaBe]

I'm gay and feel this just makes my life worse. To make matters worse I'm a gay guy who's turned on by more extreme things. This world wasn't cut out for gays not to much the gay community only accepts you until your about 23 but after that your just some old freak. Fuck them fuck my sexuality I just want to die

When you say you're turned on by more extreme things, what do you mean specifically? The lgbt community is very accepting of a lot of different fetishes.


I can't imagine being straight, because I've never lived that way, so I'm ok with the gay part. But I am 37, and yes, the aging part is very difficult for me. I really hate that. And the fact that taking an SSRI for my anxiety seems to have damaged me sexually, maybe even permanently. That makes me want to Ctb even more.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

No. I wish i was a gay woman, but i am a straight guy.

 

[Idontmatter]

I don't care about being gay since I've never been with a woman and don't really care to be. I just wish my family when I was growing up didn't teach me to hate myself since they didn't agree with homosexuality and I got the lecture of how sick I am (they didn't know I was gay at the time so I had to hide it for years)

 

[BabyBlueSedan]

I'm bi and I never really had any problems with it. But I'm also a trans guy and I have a lot of complicated feelings about that. I'm really connected to the trans community and it helps with accepting this sort of life. But there definitely were times when I wished I could just be a cis woman, though it's mostly because of how society views us. If just existing as a trans person wasn't so controversial I think it'd be a lot easier.

 

[novem]

I'm 39 yrs. old gay and i hate my sexuality and having a partner in life at this age is slim to zero,especially if you are a bottom. I lift my conservative country (stupidest decision ever) for being gay and my life got much worse in this "LGBTQ welcoming country" most of the gays have unrealistic high expectations, ignorants, cocky. I wish i was born without genitalia or impotent. It's really fucked up situation when you can't satisfy your sexual needs and urges with someone. This is the main reason why I want to kill myself because i can't live in this pain for the rest of my life.

You are right, "LGBT-welcoming" campaigns are to attract voters and customers.

And for dating apps you are just an inventory.

I bet in Emirates it is easier to hook up in the street rather than in north america.

 

[Rocket]

Fascinating topic. Now in my 50's, I lived through and fought for gay rights most of my life. Was a bit young for the original Stonewall, but vividly remember the outright hostility and violence against gay and lesbian people. In Orlando at Parliament House in the 80's, groups of homophobic dudes would throw rocks and firebombs at us peacefully partying at the club/motor lodge.

The strides since then have been remarkable and emotional. When Obergefell v. Hodges passed the Supreme Court in 2015, we all cried. We hoped and prayed that our efforts would make the next generations less vulnerable and able to be their true selves. I'm sorry to hear so many people are still finding it so difficult. I'm still able to date (it's still true that older gentlemen, in addition to people their own age, enjoy the company of younger men and that can have great mutual benefits emotionally and in other ways), go to clubs and events, and love seeing young couples free to express themselves in ways we never could.

A big turning point happened when the film BRIDEGROOM came out (I think it's on YouTube), it's a sad story about a couple where one passes away and the homophobic family of the deceased wouldn't let the partner have any role in the funeral or grieving process. The film changed so many hearts and minds. Our rights are step by step, but polls consistently show public support for gay rights is at all time highs. So I hope some will consider seeing the glass half full. Of course, we cry for our sisters and brothers in nations that are still backward and intolerant, but things are changing.

We all have to deal with the cards we're dealt, and Lady Gaga was right with "Born This Way". It isn't something we can change, we need to love ourselves and open ourselves to being loved.

One thing to check out -- there's a virtual world called Second Life. It's a highly advanced 3D world that doesn't require VR. Because creators of avatars, clothes, sex furniture and the like can cash out their earnings to PayPal, the creativity is amazing. In Second Life, there's no judgment and anything goes -- from BDSM to pure vanilla. It's a lot of fun and you can assume any role. It's more emotionally compelling (and sexy) than you would think. And it's basically free, you pay Linden Dollars (L$250=$1 US) if you want to buy more advanced avatar features and the like, but it's less than a night's bar bill. It's at https://secondlife.com/. Just an idea for getting your feet wet -- there are gay and straight weddings constantly, people have ended up taking their relationships to real life, and there's a strong gay community with dances, nightclubs, sex resorts, beaches and most anything you can imagine. Maybe try Second Life to get into the swing of dating and relationships to try things out.

There is so much more love and positivity now than when we fought from Harvey Milk onward, and just wanted to express that while things may seem dire or sad, as Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "The Arc of the Moral Universe is Long, But it Bends Toward Justice." Make the most of the progress we've made and please join us through the Human Rights Foundation and other groups to keep moving us toward Justice. Big hug to all.

 

[borderline-feline]

Honestly, I really don't like that I'm bisexual. I wish I wasn't attracted to women because I'm simultaneously afraid of women.

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

I'm a transsexual man and bisexual. If I weren't trans my life would be a lot better. Also if I could control to only fall for women would be great. Sadly that's not how it works. I also have a lot of unspeakable sexual fantasies that I could never disclose to anyone. So there's that...

Honestly, I really don't like that I'm bisexual. I wish I wasn't attracted to women because I'm simultaneously afraid of women.

I have the exact same problem with men.

 

[borderline-feline]

I'm a transsexual man and bisexual. If I weren't trans my life would be a lot better. Also if I could control to only fall for women would be great. Sadly that's not how it works. I also have a lot of unspeakable sexual fantasies that I could never disclose to anyone. So there's that...

I have the exact same problem with men.

I'm a transsexual woman, so I feel very insecure around and jealous of cis women. The other issue for me is that I developed gynophobia from an abusive ex-girlfriend.

I have a tendency to tell people that I'm straight. I lie and say that the only women I find attractive are 2D since that's way easier to explain

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

I'm a transsexual woman, so I feel very insecure around and jealous of cis women. The other issue for me is that I developed gynophobia from an abusive ex-girlfriend.

I have a tendency to tell people that I'm straight. I lie and say that the only women I find attractive are 2D since that's way easier to explain

I feel jealous of cis men too. What a coincidence. I think my irrational fear of men comes from my father. I wouldn't call him abusive as he only ever hit me once but he's been emotionally draining me whenever he got the chance to do so. Also he doesn't have any remorse and never apologized to me once. Even after wanting to kick me out and trying to get me drunk so that I would admit I faked being trans. Which I obviously did not.

I also tell people I'm straight. It's a lot easier. I'm sorry you went through all of this. I hope you can heal from that experience one day.

 

[borderline-feline]

I feel jealous of cis men too. What a coincidence. I think my irrational fear of men comes from my father. I wouldn't call him abusive as he only ever hit me once but he's been emotionally draining me whenever he got the chance to do so. Also he doesn't have any remorse and never apologized to me once. Even after wanting to kick me out and trying to get me drunk so that I would admit I faked being trans. Which I obviously did not.

I also tell people I'm straight. It's a lot easier. I'm sorry you went through all of this. I hope you can heal from that experience one day.

In all fairness, abuse doesn't have to be physical in order to count as abuse. I would describe the way you've been treated as abusive, but I'm also not going to try to force you to label it that way.

Being trans comes with a lot of pain, and I really hope that you're able to escape that pain, whether it be through recovery or catching the bus.

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

In all fairness, abuse doesn't have to be physical in order to count as abuse. I would describe the way you've been treated as abusive, but I'm also not going to try to force you to label it that way.

Being trans comes with a lot of pain, and I really hope that you're able to escape that pain, whether it be through recovery or catching the bus.

I actually called it that in the past. Nowadays tho I realize I wasn't treating him any better so I feel like I'd label myself as abusive as well if I continued to call it that. Of course abuse doesn't have to be physical and my reaction was just a way to shield myself form that. Still I feel like it's a two way street. We screamed at each other a lot. My mother told me we were pretty much alike often enough that I don't doubt it anymore. I have a hard time getting to know men because I'm always on guard around them. For some reason being screamed at by a man is a lot more terrifying to me than being screamed at by a woman.

I hope the same thing for you too.

 

[VioletNight]

I'm bisexual but yeah I've wished that, I've never been in a same sex relationship out of fear of repercussion from family/friends. Having to act like I'm exclusively straight feels like I'm hiding a part of me away and that kinda hurts.

 

[GettingOut]

I consider myself to be straight and desperately want a family with children, but life has dealt me a bad hand. Child abuse, parental issues, progressive muscle disease, strong medication, etc. I can be really good friends with a girl, but guys turn me on. In a split second, I'll have a fantasy about a sexy guy. Now I'm thinking I might have hypersexuality. Life is just getting too much now. I'm considering ending it soon

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

I'm gay and feel this just makes my life worse. To make matters worse I'm a gay guy who's turned on by more extreme things. This world wasn't cut out for gays not to much the gay community only accepts you until your about 23 but after that your just some old freak. Fuck them fuck my sexuality I just want to die

Sometimes I wish I was -- I'd probably have at least one friend, ha.

 

[terminalending]

I'm gay and feel this just makes my life worse. To make matters worse I'm a gay guy who's turned on by more extreme things. This world wasn't cut out for gays not to much the gay community only accepts you until your about 23 but after that your just some old freak. Fuck them fuck my sexuality I just want to die

yeah. it'd be one thing less to fear for anyone to know. I live with a very strictly muslim family. if they ever know I might be killed. i've grown to hate that part of me because it makes me live in fear and apprehension everyday.

 

[Minsu]

No, I'm absolutely okay with being bi

 

[Meditation guide]

As a cis woman I have lived for years wishing to either be completely asexual or a lesbian. Too many bad experiences with men. Preferring the company of women or gay men. I also have wished desperately I could pass as a man. I also have been trying to ignore all sexual feelings. The whole issue of gender and sexuality is a nightmare to me. The idea of actually wanting to be seen as sexually desirable is foreign to me.

 

[Arya Quinn]

Sometimes, but not for the reasons people might think. I don't see anything wrong with my sexuality as large chunks of society would.
But pursuing relationships has put me in a lot of trouble and in fact one such relationship is the reason I'm on this forum to begin with. I feel if I was straight then maybe, just maybe I could've spared myself all that.

 

[Epikur]

In the past I had half joked on more than one occasion that I wished I was homosexual as it would make it easier to find a partner. Turns out snobbery and exclusiveness are so fundamental to human nature that even men looking for men are just as demanding as everyone else.

Totally correct. I am gay and can say that men´s gay world is even more superficial and narcicssitic and obsessed with youthfulness than all the rest. CBT is much more likely to occur if a person is gay/queer, statistics say. There is even more loneliness in our community, despite all colourful pictures of celebrating people ...