Anyone else want to cbt soon but have family members that would be left behind? How do you deal with that?

[Zerengin96]

I am in that exact situation. I really plan to CBT this year, but i would leave my parents behind that dont really suspect that anything is wrong with me and would obviously be devestated by my sudden death. Is anyone in the same boat and how do you plan on dealing with this? Do you think its a good idea to have a talk with your family members, explain your point of view that you simply dont think life is worth it and that you want to end it on your own terms? I really dont know how to go about this

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that personally, it would be best to not tell family members about wanting to ctb. After all, we live in a world where suicide is so stigmatised and our right to die is not respected. I feel like if others knew, they could potentially get in the way of plans and it could make it more difficult to actually ctb. I would rather choose to write a note to act as a form of closure to those left behind and this could give them an explanation and would mean that they are not left with unanswered questions.

 

[GreenerPastures]

I too will be leaving behind family.. yes it sucks I have to put them through this, but in retrospect, they partly are the ones that drove me to do this. So I really don't give a fuck. If they follow suit with ctb after me.. so be it..

 

[Un-]

I want to confront this feeling in myself, as well. I've grown close to my mother over the years. She's told me her childhood, her adulthood - how she's been through Apartheid racism, psychological abuse, neglect, having to raise two children by herself.. A lot. She's been through a lot. From the looks of it, too, she's going to die alone. I know it would destroy her if I killed myself. She's seen my self harm scars before, and the worry and stress that's permanently stuck in on her face since that day.. It's been years since it happened, and I'm sure she still vividly remembers it.

Sigh.. There's nothing to be done about it. My death will be another thing thrown at her in her life. It will hurt a lot. I'm sure she'll cry every day, but.. You can't blame anyone in a situation like this, for whatever they do. Writing a suicide note, or anything of the sort won't help. I don't think it ever does. Well, if I could tell her one thing that could help, it would be that.. Simply, that's life. What else is there to say in a situation so horrible, other than "That's life"?

 

[Ligottian]

Both of my parents are dead. I don't think many of my relatives would be too traumatized if I CTB.

 

[peace is good]

我不得不这么做，我的CTB也是因为他们带给我痛苦的童年生活。我是矛盾的，结束我的痛苦我得到了解脱，可是留给其他人惊吓和痛苦。但我无法继续下去，生活如此痛苦，无望。

 

[Cheza_mus]

I am in the same boat ..my family will surely be hurt especially my mum..but one thing is we don't live for anyone in this world and minus suicide, death of any person can come up in anyway..so really they have no choice but to accept my decision...it may be hard in beginning but with time I guess they will be ok

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Sigh.. There's nothing to be done about it. My death will be another thing thrown at her in her life. It will hurt a lot. I'm sure she'll cry every day, but.. You can't blame anyone in a situation like this, for whatever they do. Writing a suicide note, or anything of the sort won't help. I don't think it ever does. Well, if I could tell her one thing that could help, it would be that.. Simply, that's life. What else is there to say in a situation so horrible, other than "That's life"?

Well, I managed to "hand around" for a lot longer than I wanted because I knew my parents needed me. I would have gone 20 years ago, but my dad got sick, and needed me over the last couple years of his life. That made me think a bit. Until my mom died last year, it was really just her and I. My sister (not my mother's daughter) died the year before. I stayed with my mom the last 8 months of her life. Now, I am free and clear to do what I need to do. I managed to hang around, somehow, but now am completely alone, getting nearer to old age, have seen what my parents went through, realize I have NO ONE to help me when the ailments start to get me, too, and don't want to go through any of that, especially alone. There are plenty of other reasons, too, I have for needing to go. For me it wasn't so much not wanting to hurt my parents, who were both great parents, but realizing that they didn't have anyone to help them (my sister was no help our father). Now I have the time to get my stuff in order, which I'm doing, and then I'll be ready. Strangely, getting my affairs in order is what is keeping me going right now, so that I can feel like everything that needs to be ready is ready, at least as ready as I can make it. It's like a surreal calm has come over me since I know what the goal is now and the goalpost is well within sight. There are plenty of things that I would like to take care of, to make it easier for whoever has to deal with my estate, but I know I won't get to them all, and I am OK with that. I'll just keep moving forward with what I am doing and I can stop whenever I feel I've done enough. I figure I should be done by this time next year. If I decide to go sooner, that's good, too. It's all good now. I made it 20 years since first wanting to ctb, another year is nothing. But, I do know that I MUST go to avoid many problems on the horizon.

 

[toasterbath]

i don't even feel guilty cause i didn't ask to be born! to suffer like this! i'm thinking to leave behind some money and suggest the most basic funeral arrangements like no flowers or no fancy casket, just a cremation. plus i only have one parent left and other siblings who are less of a burden than me.

 

[I need peace]

I have younger siblings and a husband who I think will be really sad when I ctb, specially my husband, I know he'll be devastated but I personally can't take anymore for him, I've stayed in this life for a very long time just because I'm too scared to hurt him, I'll still be around for some months to give him more time with me, but I can't hang around forever in agony, I need to rest, and it hurts me to know that I'll leave him in pain, but I can't suffer anymore, it may be selfish but I just can't.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

Leaving old parents behind is literally the only reason I'm still having a little hesitation. But the solution to that (outliving them) absolutely terrifies me. Imagine 15 or even 10 more years of this. Brutal.

 

[Graham]

Difficult dilemma

But I guess once we're gone we won't know / care

Think this tears many of us up

 

[nightnightnitrite]

I don't plan on leaving a note. All of my friends and family know of my current mental state. I rationalize leaving them with they would be far better off without me in their life. My kids too young to remember me and won't know the difference, his father wants me dead and my friends and family already know I am pro choice all the way which includes suicide.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

I have younger siblings and a husband who I think will be really sad when I ctb, specially my husband, I know he'll be devastated but I personally can't take anymore for him, I've stayed in this life for a very long time just because I'm too scared to hurt him, I'll still be around for some months to give him more time with me, but I can't hang around forever in agony, I need to rest, and it hurts me to know that I'll leave him in pain, but I can't suffer anymore, it may be selfish but I just can't.

it's not selfish. we can't be good for other people and take care of their their needs if we're not good for ourselves and take care of our needs first.

 

[outatime_85]

As the black sheep, the outsider of my "family", when I finally make the choice to check out, all I will leave behind is a family that never really accepted me or helped me integrate into said family.

A family that left me to the wolves when I was a child, a family that knew my childhood was slowly being beaten out of me at the hands of bullies, etc., a family that won't shed any tears or feel any pain over my demise.

On the day, anyone left behind would be cared for or capable of caring for themselves.

(I would probably tell my family this at the end of my note).

To quote Saul Bloom: You're all aces in my book, but I want the last check I write to bounce.

Basically, I would tell them, this time you pick up the pieces.

 

[OnlySleep]

I don't care what my family think after I'm gone. They haven't exactly been a great family and they feel at best familiar strangers to me.

 

[Graham]

As the black sheep, the outsider of my "family", when I finally make the choice to check out, all I will leave behind is a family that never really accepted me or helped me integrate into said family.

A family that left me to the wolves when I was a child, a family that knew my childhood was slowly being beaten out of me at the hands of bullies, etc., a family that won't shed any tears or feel any pain over my demise.

On the day, anyone left behind would be cared for or capable of caring for themselves.

(I would probably tell my family this at the end of my note).

To quote Saul Bloom: You're all aces in my book, but I want the last check I write to bounce.

Basically, I would tell them, this time you pick up the pieces.

 

[toforigivelife]

Your situation is the single worst part of dying by suicide.

I hate to compound your anguish over this but, yes, if they don't suspect anything is wrong your parents will be devastated by your passing.

It would be nice if people understood that mental anguish and mental health issues can be as deadly as any physical illness and it would be nice if the loved ones you leave behind could understand and make peace your death as they could with a death that was caused by cancer or any other fatal physical illness.

But, because the medical community and the media discourage that level of understanding for the mentally ill people in our position can't have honest, productive, healing conversations about reasons why we want to leave this life.

There are countries, Canada is one of them, that allow assisted suicide in the case of mental illness so you'd think we'd be able to have those conversations.

I don't know what to tell you. I wish I had the answers but, unfortunately, I don't.

I don't know if you want to try and discuss what you're going through with your parents. I know that wouldn't be a magical solution as far as them being able to accept your suicide but it might lead to something that's helpful and productive to all parties concerned.

I don't know if you have tried professional help. If haven't maybe that's an option to explore.

I empathize and feel for the situation that you're in. I respect your right to end your own suffering. But I've also seen the impact that suicide can have on those left behind.

Make sure that this is the right decision for you. If you have doubts then, as hard as it is for those in our position, try looking into getting some help or looking for solutions that might relieve you of your suicidal feelings.

Wishing you all the best.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

My mother is the only one who would care and she takes everything in her stride. I take everything 10x worse than everyone else especially bereavements. We lost my nan at the beginning of the year and I took it really really badly but my mum didn't. She's very level headed and she would get over it and I don't think anything could make her not love life.

I have told her a lot that some people just can't deal with life and that's ok and no one's fault. It doesn't feel good to leave her behind but she'd be doing the same thing to me one day anyway so what difference does it make?

 

[Brianiskillingme]

Just my daughter will care. I hate to leave her but she is an adult and will be ok. I cant take the pain of my husbands loss and the jerk I am with now is making me want to CTB almost daily.