Discussion Anyone else unable to do anything?

[katara]

I feel so guilty for saying this but I haven't done anything in years. most ppl spend their 20s going to college I never even finished high school and have done nothing since then. When I was in school I didn't do anything then either. I spent everyday in school then came home and laid down and would maybe watch YouTube or look at stuff online. I didn't have any hobbies. I didn't play any sports, I have no trophies no degree. I live with my mom and she doesn't care and I know she doesn't bc I got sick recently and have been in bed more and she doesn't care. I'm hungry but I don't even want to eat. I wish I could be anorexic but I already lack the energy for anything I can't imagine being anorexic.
I don't know what I could do at this point. I'm always by myself and I just feel like this is hell. I'll never have money so I know I'll just be sitting here as time goes on.

 

[overload]

me for my chronic illnesses, can't read all the post because my eyes hurt but yeah you are not alone

 

[katara]

me for my chronic illnesses, can't read all the post because my eyes hurt but yeah you are not alone

Try using dark mode I can't use anything but that bc white mode hurts my eyes. I'm tired as fuck all the time so focusing is already so hard.

 

[overload]

always use it, i have a condition called visual snow syndrome and my case is particular with extreme eye neck head and ear pain, it gets worse with screen use no matter what. thx anyways.

 

[Carrot]

I did try in life at some point, now I'm done. Not enjoying anything, sure, I indulge in escapism, but it's not even "fun", it's a distraction until I have an opportunity to ctb.

I'm worried only-SN won't work, but I don't even want to bother getting other stuff, maybe some OTC AE. I learnt that SN can explode with some stuff like lithium (it doesn't mean that lithium pills will cause an explosion, I don't know), I'm just worried about mixing SN with some random drugs (to lose consciousness), because it could burn a hole in my stomach or something. You never know any potential interactions.

 

[katara]

I did try in life at some point, now I'm done. Not enjoying anything, sure, I indulge in escapism, but it's not even "fun", it's a distraction until I have an opportunity to ctb.

Same, and I haven't been eating the past few days. I woke up thinking my mom surely would have noticed and brought me home something to eat, but no. I feel sick and I feel like crying. I don't know why I expect anything from anyone. My mom is probably tired of me living here and has made subtle comments recently about how most people die around 70 so she might not have long. Everything she says is always about her tho, I think she just doesn't want to be put in a nursing home and that's why every year she'll have a little conversation with me like this. I'm all on my own and I don't have any family to rely on. At this point things are already way too far and there's no way to fix what's happened. I'm just struggling to find the energy to get up and walk away from my failure life.

 

[mourningyesterday]

always use it, i have a condition called visual snow syndrome and my case is particular with extreme eye neck head and ear pain, it gets worse with screen use no matter what. thx anyways.

also got VSS, its taken my life from me

 

[overload]

also got VSS, its taken my life from me

it's hell on earth. which symptoms you have?

 

[Notlikeforte]

I'm nearly 25 and I still have done nothing with my life. I don't know how other people can "do" things. I feel like I have some kind of fundamental disconnect with the world and other people.

 

[katara]

I'm nearly 25 and I still have done nothing with my life. I don't know how other people can "do" things. I feel like I have some kind of fundamental disconnect with the world and other people.

Right? And it will be any day I'll be 30 at this point and by then I'll be too old to have accomplished literally nothing. If ur 30 and never been married, have no degree, no business or property, that's got to be the worst thing I can imagine. I wish there was someone near me with a similar situation and mindset so I would've have to do this alone. I didn't graduate high school and since I havent really done anything and have no skills I worry I'm not smart enough

 

[Notlikeforte]

I'm at the point now where my doctor pretty much has given up on me having some kind of job/career and just straight up tells me about something called "failure to thrive".

 

[katara]

I'm at the point now where my doctor pretty much has given up on me having some kind of job/career and just straight up tells me about something called "failure to thrive".

I feel like everyone has given up on me too. I feel like my mom hates me because other moms help their kids so ppl don't get to the point I'm at. I'm always feeling guilty just for asking for basic things. I can stop eating for days and nobody cares. I could cut my wrists and nobody cares. My mom would just say "that isn't like her" if I killed myself bc she doesn't care I've been in hell for years, before we even moved her she didn't she never offered me help. She never cared that I almost failed a grade, she didn't care when I finally did. I just feel like a crazy person every day bc I can't do anything to leave so I ask myself why I'm complaining when I can't even find the will to make a move and get away from here I'm trapped in movie where every day is the same and I can't get it to stop repeating.

 

[fallendevil]

Man you blame yourself way more than you should, I really believe that you're suffering the consequences of childhood neglect and untreated disability and my heart goes out to you. Your guardians didn't guide you right because of their own laziness and failure to parent.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I'm inside an outer shell that gets up and goes to work every day, does chores around the house, on and on. But inside, I never properly developed into an adult and I just want this thing to stop moving.

 

[katara]

Man you blame yourself way more than you should, I really believe that you're suffering the consequences of childhood neglect and untreated disability and my heart goes out to you. Your guardians didn't guide you right because of their own laziness and failure to parent.

This reply made me pause bc it's one of the nicest things someone has said to me on here. You are definitely right bc I had a reading problem I never got help for. I always felt bad asking for help bc i was ignored. It really sucks not having anyone to reach out to. I don't think my mom wanted me to ever ask for anything she kind of just wanted me to do everything by myself. Even now my mom doesn't show any concern for me I think she's just keeping me around so she doesn't end up in a nursing home, that's something she's mentioned multiple times. I always find that weird because she's taken me to nursing homes she used to work at and they were better than how I live. Those old people had more food, more stuff to do. It's crazy, I don't know how my mom thinks any of this is normal or how she rationalizes everything. Imagine not caring that your own daughter didn't graduate high school, has no friends, and hasn't dated. But yet she's somehow relying on me to keep her from ever ending up in a nursing home.

 

[soon4good]

I feel like I can only get drunk, do drugs or self-sabotage and that's about it.

 

[mourningyesterday]

it's hell on earth. which symptoms you have?

after images,
light sensitivty,
migraines,
insomnia,
tinnitus,
trailing,
motion sickness/dizziness,
static
:(
what about you friend?

 

[overload]

after images,
light sensitivty,
migraines,
insomnia,
tinnitus,
trailing,
motion sickness/dizziness,
static
:(
what about you friend?

visual snow
strong after images (worst visual symptom)
strong phosphenes (worst visual symptom)
strong photophobia
trailing
"light rays"
bfep
double vision
nyctalopia

unbearable eye, neck, head, ear and other parts of the body pain (worst symptom of all)

insomnia, extreme nausea, extreme anxiety/panix, insomnia but also due to another condition

maybe there are others but can't remember theyre too much

 

[katara]

I'm inside an outer shell that gets up and goes to work every day, does chores around the house, on and on. But inside, I never properly developed into an adult and I just want this thing to stop moving.

Similar I just do stuff around the house when I can. But that's really it I'm just existing. That's why it's so hard for me seeing someone like Luigi Mangione who has his whole life filled with great things, then there's someone like me. I can't even imagine having a good life or how I'd get there bc I was scarewes from day 1 it feels like

 

[Foxcompany2nd3rd]

deep depression is paralyzing, i know...

 

[katara]

deep depression is paralyzing, i know...

It's not really that it's more like having nobody around who cares bc most people have family and friends who wouldn't have let them get to the point I'm at

 

[mourningyesterday]

visual snow
strong after images (worst visual symptom)
strong phosphenes (worst visual symptom)
strong photophobia
trailing
"light rays"
bfep
double vision
nyctalopia

unbearable eye, neck, head, ear and other parts of the body pain (worst symptom of all)

insomnia, extreme nausea, extreme anxiety/panix, insomnia but also due to another condition

maybe there are others but can't remember theyre too much

yeah i have the neck pain and ear pressure too, forgot about bfep and phospenes i avoid going outside and lights so much. also got insomnia (i wake up like 5 times a night) and anxious and spaced out all the time. im a mess

 

[overload]

in a scale of 1-10 how strong is your neck pain and ear pressure?
yes i avoid them too, i never raise the roller shutter in the morning.

regarding insomnia: i can sleep, but it's barely a condition of sleeping, i dream all the time, never feel "unconscious" during sleeping and always feel tired in the day time. and im panicked all the time. i m a total wreck.

 

[Tinyhands]

It's not really that it's more like having nobody around who cares bc most people have family and friends who wouldn't have let them get to the point I'm at

Can i ask how old you are and where you're from? Because it seems to me that your mother's neglect has lead you to road where all days just blend in and no progress was ever needed/made. And especially in todays age it is so much harder for 20s and 30s to progress in life. This economy and culture is so unforgiving and selfish that always noone will help you. I do however think that through slow steps you can get ur own place, which i think everyone needs most to progress in life. You do seem very articulate. You even write better than alot of uni students i know.

 

[mourningyesterday]

in a scale of 1-10 how strong is your neck pain and ear pressure?
yes i avoid them too, i never raise the roller shutter in the morning.

regarding insomnia: i can sleep, but it's barely a condition of sleeping, i dream all the time, never feel "unconscious" during sleeping and always feel tired in the day time. and im panicked all the time. i m a total wreck.

neck pain comes and goes. head pressure is worst than ear pressure and theyre worse when moving my head/ neck.

what u described abt sleeping is the exact same as me vivid dreams every night and feeling exhausted upon waking.

i wonder if we have the same cause for our vss our symptoms r very similar

 

[lunar02102009]

I feel so guilty for saying this but I haven't done anything in years. most ppl spend their 20s going to college I never even finished high school and have done nothing since then. When I was in school I didn't do anything then either. I spent everyday in school then came home and laid down and would maybe watch YouTube or look at stuff online. I didn't have any hobbies. I didn't play any sports, I have no trophies no degree. I live with my mom and she doesn't care and I know she doesn't bc I got sick recently and have been in bed more and she doesn't care. I'm hungry but I don't even want to eat. I wish I could be anorexic but I already lack the energy for anything I can't imagine being anorexic.
I don't know what I could do at this point. I'm always by myself and I just feel like this is hell. I'll never have money so I know I'll just be sitting here as time goes on.

You're not alone , my ocd doesnt let me remember stuff no matter how hard i study , i dont think god exists tbh atleast they never did for me

 

[katara]

Can i ask how old you are and where you're from? Because it seems to me that your mother's neglect has lead you to road where all days just blend in and no progress was ever needed/made. And especially in today's age it is so much harder for 20s and 30s to progress in life. This economy and culture is so unforgiving and selfish that always noone will help you. I do however think that through slow steps you can get ur own place, which i think everyone needs most to progress in life. You do seem very articulate. You even write better than alot of uni students i know.

I'm in my 20s now but I had issues in school going back to elementary school. Never got any help. Ended up dropping out at 16. I tried getting away from her when I was 13/14 because she's always made me feel bad. I wanted to move out, but I didn't have any family members I could live with. My mom has never shown any interest in helping me out I think she just keeps me around bc she's said before she doesn't want to be put into a nursing home. She's one of those "kids these days don't want to work" people so she's never going to offer me any help. Thank you for your kind words. It really is hard in our culture to get any help. I have tried searching online for help and there isn't anything in my area.

 

[anna101]

I feel so guilty for saying this but I haven't done anything in years. most ppl spend their 20s going to college I never even finished high school and have done nothing since then. When I was in school I didn't do anything then either. I spent everyday in school then came home and laid down and would maybe watch YouTube or look at stuff online. I didn't have any hobbies. I didn't play any sports, I have no trophies no degree. I live with my mom and she doesn't care and I know she doesn't bc I got sick recently and have been in bed more and she doesn't care. I'm hungry but I don't even want to eat. I wish I could be anorexic but I already lack the energy for anything I can't imagine being anorexic.
I don't know what I could do at this point. I'm always by myself and I just feel like this is hell. I'll never have money so I know I'll just be sitting here as time goes on.

literally me

 

[katara]

You're not alone , my ocd doesnt let me remember stuff no matter how hard i study , i dont think god exists tbh atleast they never did for me

I don't believe in god either. Im sorry to hear you have struggled with studying too. I always knew there was something wrong with me but when I didn't get any help I thought maybe it was just in my head. I thought I was daydreaming too much. I was always called lazy by my mom and I ended up thinking maybe it was my fault but I didn't know what to do. I hope you are doing better lunar. If you ever want to talk let me know. Btw that's a nice pfp, is that yours? It looks really pretty

 

[lunar02102009]

I don't believe in god either. Im sorry to hear you have struggled with studying too. I always knew there was something wrong with me but when I didn't get any help I thought maybe it was just in my head. I thought I was daydreaming too much. I was always called lazy by my mom and I ended up thinking maybe it was my fault but I didn't know what to do. I hope you are doing better lunar. If you ever want to talk let me know. Btw that's a nice pfp, is that yours? It looks really pretty

Yeah i took it while on a trip thank you!!