Discussion Anyone Else Struggling With Their Goodbye Thread?

[BlueWidow]

I've been having an extremely hard time the last few days. I've had brain fog and exhaustion more severe than I've had since I got so sick that I couldn't get out of bed about 10 years ago. I have a feeling I'm headed in that direction very soon, which means I need to ctb while I still can.

I'm still struggling to work out the very last of my preparations, but I just wanted to state that I may not post a goodbye thread.

For one thing, I may not be able to get on the site when I need to. I know the mods were working on the site yesterday, which is why no one could get on. I also have crappy Internet service where I am and it's hit or miss every time I try to go on the Internet. So between the Internet and any messing around with the site, I may not be able to get on here when I need to. If that's the case, I'm not going to wait around until I can get on here before I do what I have to do.
It's not that I don't want to say goodbye to people on here, but if I can't get on here then I just can't. I'm not sure what else to say about that part of it

The second part is something I was talking with another member about a few days ago. Goodbye threads are sort of similar to being on a stage. Everyone is watching you and expecting you to perform and it's a lot of pressure at a time when you probably don't need any more pressure. I realize the community is very supportive when someone has a failed attempt or when they change their mind, and I can't speak for others, but I would always feel like people were looking at me and thinking of me differently. Therefore, because of all the extra pressure it would place on me, I'm considering not leaving a goodbye thread.

Lastly, as I said, I've already been struggling with what preparations I've been doing. Preparing a goodbye thread would just be one more thing I would have to struggle with before I could get out of here. I have been thinking of ideas for one, if I decide to have one, but it is just more extra work that I'm going to be struggling with.

I was just wondering if anyone else was having similar problems, or if it's just me?

 

[WhyIsLife56]

That's why I'm not doing one. Other than the pressure thing, for me, suicide is a personal thing for me

 

[Shinbu]

Me, and @charlottewilts feels the same regarding goodbye threads.

 

[SinisterKid]

No goodbye thread from me either if and when the time comes. Its a personal choice. If you feel you dont want to post one or feel unable to post one, thats fine, no one will think the worse of you. It should be the very least of your worries at such a difficult time. Please try not to concern yourself with it.

 

[Freedom Believer]

Sometimes I can find the right words to say, but other times it's just best to say a few words that you mean wholeheartedly.

 

[Jean4]

The mods fixed the site so there is no excuse ;)

No goodbye thread from me either if and when the time comes. Its a personal choice. If you feel you dont want to post one or feel unable to post one, thats fine, no one will think the worse of you. It should be the very least of your worries at such a difficult time. Please try not to concern yourself with it.

Cough Cough. You are not leaving without telling me. I will nag you beyond the grave if you do that ;)

 

[LMLN]

Yes. I think when I decide to ctb, I would have extra stress and pressure with a thread to attend to. I'd feel pressure to follow through even if I changed my mind I think.
I will say good bye for sure. So many wonderful people here have helped me so much! But just could not have a thread going up to the end.

 

[Thereisnothing]

@BlueWidow wrapping my arms around you and giving you big hugs. I havent thought about my goodbye thread as am nowhere near any solid conclusions what is best way for me to go. However I do find goodbye threads incredibly difficult, makes me sad and helpless. I get torn as I know its the individuals right to go if they wish to, yet I cant wish them luck or anything as wouldn't feel right to me. I keep on with hope that, the person will be able to hang on longer. I think for some its very personal and for others they would wish to share it.

 

[charlottewilts]

@Shinbu and i feel more like nobody would care enough for our goodbye threads. i might write one because i feel obligated to report the symptoms of SN so others have some more information but i don't expect or want any sympathy.

 

[BlueWidow]

Yes. I think when I decide to ctb, I would have extra stress and pressure with a thread to attend to. I'd feel pressure to follow through even if I changed my mind I think.
I will say good bye for sure. So many wonderful people here have helped me so much! But just could not have a thread going up to the end.

Actually, that's a very good idea that I hadn't considered. Instead of a goodbye thread, I could just write a thread expressing my feelings for the people on this site and what everyone has meant to me without it actually being a goodbye thread. Excellent idea. I may go with that instead. Much less pressure. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

[Carina]

I mean obviously it's up to you if you post a thread or not, as I think a lot of us know though too, well at least me, a goodbye thread is just for you, granted people will then know you're leaving, people will expect your name to be crossed out, but the thread is just so you know that others are thinking about you at that exact moment.

I know you are so detailed in your beautiful posts, but in a goodbye thread, I wouldn't care if someone posted 'I'm out.' and nothing else. No need to read it after that

 

[Shinbu]

@Shinbu and i feel more like nobody would care enough for our goodbye threads. i might write one because i feel obligated to report the symptoms of SN so others have some more information but i don't expect or want any sympathy.

That would be a kind thing to do for the community. If you do write one, I'll be there ^_^.

 

[Shero]

If you feel the need to say goodbye, but the pressure of a goodbye thread is weighing on you, you could still do it in your private profile. So that you are only among good friends.

 

[BlueWidow]

@Shinbu and i feel more like nobody would care enough for our goodbye threads. i might write one because i feel obligated to report the symptoms of SN so others have some more information but i don't expect or want any sympathy.

I always admire the people who are willing to stick around and report their symptoms. I just don't think I could do that. Partly because since I'm already in such a weakened state, I don't really expect to be around long enough to report anything. I expect to faint relatively quickly after swallowing the SN since I'm already incredibly dizzy and close to fainting all the time on a daily basis anyway.

If you feel the need to say goodbye, but the pressure of a goodbye thread is weighing on you, you could still do it in your private profile. So that you are only among good friends.

Thank you! Another suggestion I hadn't thought of. Everyone here always has such great ideas!

The mods fixed the site so there is no excuse ;)

Cough Cough. You are not leaving without telling me. I will nag you beyond the grave if you do that ;)

I had planned on warning you ahead of time. I know you've already been through enough. I wouldn't just leave and not give you a warning first.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Hugs to you!

I don't even wanna do notes to my loved ones to be honest.

 

[Broken Chimera]

I've thought about it for a while. I wouldn't want to do one out of paranoia of being stopped. But I'll post it on my profile so that at least the forum knows.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

@BlueWidow

so sorry to hear about the health struggles. Brain fog + exhaustion, and the need to prep for CTB is very fucking tiring. Combined with the fear that you may not ultimately be able to CTB cause of health.... goodness that is stressful. I am in the same situation, and i can feel the walls quickly closing in, too.

Totally understand what you mean about the pressure, too. CTB is a very personal matter at the end of the day, and you don't owe it to anyone to do a goodbye thread.

I think what you commented later about a thread juts reflecting on this community and what it's meant to you, is a great idea. Kudos to the poster who thought of that.

I do hope there'll be more posts from you before that thread comes, but again i don't think you should feel obligated in any way :)

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

So sorry. I can't wish you but the best. I'm preparing my Goodbye Thread on a txt file so I copy paste and don't have the pressure.

 

[TAW122]

I had my doubts as well, but I think I will make one when my time comes, because there are lots of people here who are nice and kind as well as being supportive towards my decision and goals. I also like to give some sort of closure to this community (when my time comes) and it's members as well as having a chance to experience peace together before I depart. After all, wouldn't it be nice to have one's last moments of existence to be peaceful and calm?

As far as the details, I have struggled mainly with length and content, there is a lot that I want to say (almost like writing a long research paper), but I also fear that people may misunderstand or misinterpret it, or simply just not even read it at all. Though at the end of the day, once I CTB'd (on that day), whatever comes afterwards becomes irrelevant to me because I won't sentient or conscious to experience it, whether good or bad or what not. I would be unconscious, into the void and unable to perceive anything (be it pain, pleasure, excitement, emotions, etc.). One thing that I really want in this community is for people who have found my threads, articles, and ideas that are useful or helpful to be able to pass the torch to future people who are also looking to exit suffering. One of my visions that I have (may or may not be around to experience it) would be that voluntary euthanasia becomes a thing somewhere, in some country, jurisdiction, territory in the world and if not, at the least, having assisted suicide, euthanasia extended to those who are suffering chronic physical and psychological pain, not just the chronically or terminally ill.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

That's why I'm not doing one. Other than the pressure thing, for me, suicide is a personal thing for me ❤

Yes. All of my Yes.

 

[voyager]

Well, that's your right, and I mean that. Personally though, I wish people would say goodbye. I do understand that this place is just a last gap stop of a long unhappy road for all of us, and technically we're just internet friends who have one profound thing in common, but it is upseting missing someone and not being able to say goodbye and wishing them well personally. Just like I regret not having replied to some posts while their author's were still among us. I know, perfectly irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but as long as one is alive one might as well get depressed about such things.

@Shinbu and i feel more like nobody would care enough for our goodbye threads.

I've heard that one before, and tbh no one should think this way. Although, I've had these thoughts, too, of course, and some about pressure similar to @BlueWidow but here's what I've come up with:

I will say goodbye when I'm sure I'll make an attempt, and it'll play out three ways: One, I die and that's that. Two, I fail and will try again (if possible) until I succeed. Three, I chicken out and never return. I know people would "forgive" and support me all the same, so, it's not that, but to be honest I'd be broken. It's what I want to do, and if I fail I don't have a purpose anymore.

So, yeah, that's why I don't feel any pressure about a goodbye thread. As for length I'm thinking a few lines, no ramblings for a change and probably no continuous updates, because I don't know yet how I'll react. So, there you go.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

technically we're just internet friends who have one profound thing in common

As I've said elsewhere: there is One Specific (beautiful) Bridge very far from where I live that I'd love to use, and almost did recently, but probably won't. There's another, much closer (and better known) jumping location but it's ... anxiety inducting. Finally, my local area has a couple of very serviceable jumping spots but I consider them too low to be sure.

I wonder if any of us have met up, while heading to the Final Rendezvous

 

[BPD Barbie]

No goodbye thread from me either if and when the time comes. Its a personal choice. If you feel you dont want to post one or feel unable to post one, thats fine, no one will think the worse of you. It should be the very least of your worries at such a difficult time. Please try not to concern yourself with it.

If I have to stay then you do to!

 

[Skyview]

Have an in joke with @Squiddy , ice cream while we wait on the asteroid to take us out .
My goodbye will simply be " hey Squiddy , asteroid is here and you're not ."
Plain and simple , no need for a goodbye thread .

 

[Squiddy]

Have an in joke with @Squiddy , ice cream while we wait on the asteroid to take us out .
My goodbye will simply be " hey Squiddy , asteroid is here and you're not ."
Plain and simple , no need for a goodbye thread .

 

[LegaliseIt!]

Re: Goodbye threads—
If you see a thread,
It means I'm not dead;)

View attachment 25114

I like how the very caramel-ish asteroid is about to hit a hurricane;)

 

[Squiddy]

Re: Goodbye threads—
If you see a thread,
It means I'm not dead;)


I like how the very caramel-ish asteroid is about to hit a hurricane;)

If only it could hit me

 

[Whitewash11235814]

I need a way out

 

[Squiddy]

I need a way out

Me too. Let's pray for that asteroid to hit us ;)

 

[BlueWidow]

Me too. Let's pray for that asteroid to hit us ;)

Bring on the asteroid!