Weebster
Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
- Mar 11, 2022
- 1,683
I fear dying before living the life I want. But the life I want doesn't seem possible. This being my only life makes the pain worse.
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its-about-time
nope
- Mar 19, 2022
- 807
Yeah, lots of reasons why I'm still alive. I'm pretty conflicted about suicide. That is to say, I swing between wanting to live and wanting to die this very moment frequently throughout the day with no discernible trigger. Once my SN gets here I imagine the most likely scenario is I die during one of those impulsively suicidal moods. I'm pretty ok with that. At this moment, I don't particularly want to die, life sucks but I'm along for the ride I guess.
TimeLawyer
Now scheduled for deletion. Goodbye all
- Oct 10, 2019
- 70
I'm not really afraid of dying, I am just really struggling to find a good method. I cannot get SN in my country(even if I import it, there is no legit supplier that ships to NZ) and have failed compression/tourniquet about 100 times. I tried with everything from a ratchet strap to one I sewed for the purpose to flax leaves. Didn't pass out once.
Darkover
Archangel
- Jul 29, 2021
- 5,568
the only thing keeping me here is lack of a means to kill my self that i can go through with, wouldn't mind being blow to bits, or taking a gun to my head somewhere in a forest, or better having N or SN or access to a pharmacy
Weebster
Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
- Mar 11, 2022
- 1,683
TimeLawyer
Now scheduled for deletion. Goodbye all
- Oct 10, 2019
- 70
I feel it would be unethical as it would be traumatizing for bystanders to see human remains splattered all over the ground. I understand why desperation would drive people to such a method, but witnessing such a thing would be hell
I guess you can't know before you're about to go through with it, but I'm fairly certain the only reason for me is that I haven't been able to acquire SN (it's the best method for me out of ones that are realistic). Hanging isn't that terrible, but I can't do it even if there's a 1/10k chance to be found, the possibility of having permanent brain damage is unacceptable to me, can't think of a worse outcome.
fastlife
Student
- Jan 21, 2022
- 183
if you are afraid of death you should see it as something beautiful life and death we only experience once and death is certain so why should you stress about it?
My grown kids and my dogs. Conflicts about suicide, hoping to die naturally
Weebster
Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
- Mar 11, 2022
- 1,683
Agree with the first part. My grown son and my wife. My dog, too.
onlyanimalsaregood
Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
- Mar 11, 2022
- 1,329
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,267
I am not afraid of death, I actually look forward to death. Death is all I want, I just want to peacefully pass away and be free from all suffering. I am still alive as for me it is difficult to leave this world, the fear of failing ctb is what holds me back. I wish that we lived in a society where our right to die is respected and we could just exit peacefully when the time is right for us. I have no reason to keep on living and nothing would ever make me want to live, I am so tired and I just want to be gone.
PigeonDreamzz
The broken Pigeon
- Feb 3, 2022
- 68
I'm not afraid. But I have one last goal. You see, coaching is my true talent. And I did it alot, even with myself. My best friend, who I love deeply and unconditionally. I want to coach him till the end. But I'm not sure if I can reach that goal, for different reasons. But yeah, this keeps me alive for now
Rational man
Enlightened
- Oct 19, 2021
- 1,485
If you fear death, you'd not be living NOW. We all die eventually by something. I had a fear of death and it was really about CONTROL. Eventually, i realised that there's no control over life or death. It just happens. Ive met contented people who lived for each day and got by on little money. Ive met wealthy miserable people who will not take their wealth with them in death. Now im dying, ive had time to recalibrate my expectations in life, complete any loose ends and have left a legacy to some special people/ animals.
houseofleaves
and this with thee remains.
- Jan 14, 2022
- 554
I'm still alive because i had to make sure that i won't ctb on impulse. Dying should be a rational decision.
stellabelle
ethereal
- Dec 14, 2018
- 3,918
I am not afraid of death, it will come.
I guess I'm alive because my body is still here.
But my rapidly deteriorating mental health and environment is probably the nail to the coffin in the finalized result of my terrible existence.
I guess I'm alive because my body is still here.
But my rapidly deteriorating mental health and environment is probably the nail to the coffin in the finalized result of my terrible existence.
deathbydragon
take me with you
- Mar 17, 2022
- 189
The pain (even if just for a fraction of a second) and unreliability of most methods.
And I haven't ran out of money yet, when I do, it'll be a different question.
And I haven't ran out of money yet, when I do, it'll be a different question.
stellabelle
ethereal
- Dec 14, 2018
- 3,918
I don't care what psycho, 51-50 personal issue it is… may the mental breakdown end and fade, then peaceful times to pass away rather than in anguish and anxiety.
lyles
Student
- Oct 13, 2021
- 142
I am very much on the same boat as you here! This is essentially my own experience for years too. I have my SN hidden and waiting for the day I will impulsively follow through. I appreciate the fact that there's someone who shares my sentiments but I am also very sorry for the way that you have to suffer still. I hope life offers you some happiness and peace, if possible. You do have my best wishes and hopes. <3
Only because I'm being watched. Hopefully the SN I ordered gets here ok so I can take it and exit.
Gotta wait two weeks for it maybe a bit more and right now im under intense watch with my care giver always nosing in everything I get mailed.
Hopefully I can smuggle it in my home without it being noticed.
Gotta wait two weeks for it maybe a bit more and right now im under intense watch with my care giver always nosing in everything I get mailed.
Hopefully I can smuggle it in my home without it being noticed.
When I take inventory of my life the only thing I have is my dog. My dumb, goofy, loyal dog who'd never hurt a fly but would easily be treated poorly in the wrong hands for his breed. My other pets would be fine without me, but he's such a velcro dog, and I shared him with my partner who ctb, it's just all I have left. I'd feel very bad if I left him all alone. It sounds silly though when I say it out loud. Not even my kid or the hope of a better day on the horizon gets me like that damn dog does.
fastlife
Student
- Jan 21, 2022
- 183
maybe I can reassure you those who used metoclopramide and tagamet and followed the regime have never returned here
Currently, just finishing up my loose ends. Medical debt I can't do much about, but I'm trying to at least leave my life in a state that isn't absolute chaos for my friends and family to have to clean up. Getting most of my belongings gathered, sorted, etc. Closing out bank accounts, figuring out what I'll be putting in the few notes I plan on leaving. I've thought it out and waited for long enough, the least I can do is make sure my death isn't a burden to anyone. My last step is going to be rehoming my cat, by that point it'll be time.
BigG91
I'd rather be homeless with good health.
- Aug 21, 2021
- 191
Just not getting what you want or not being able to attain something in your life and commiting suicide while being physically/mentally fit would be a loss to you or lets say you would be missing out on a lot that being alive or life has to offer.....
Weebster
Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
- Mar 11, 2022
- 1,683
BigG91
I'd rather be homeless with good health.
- Aug 21, 2021
- 191
I'm sorry to hear that buddy...
I'm also in the same boat .but i have no regrets and have lived an awesome life in the past... Soon when i get everything i need in place I'll be gone.
I feel the exact same way. Although I don't believe in an afterlife or in reincarnation, I still cling to an irrational (from my point of view, since I don't believe in it) hope of being reincarnated and having a chance at a life worth living.
The reasons why I'm still alive are that I'm afraid of failing, ending up even worse than I already am, and I'm terrified of traumatizing my loved ones.
Burbank
sleepyhead
- Feb 12, 2019
- 61
i just can't make up my mind. everything is a rollercoaster for me, including my will to kill myself. plus, i'm terribly afraid of physical pain and/or failing.
PrincessInWhite
I just want to sell out my funeral
- Feb 21, 2019
- 641
It's not so much that I'm afraid of death, it can't be worse than this. rather I'm really struggling with saying goodbye to the people and things I love and accepting I will never know them again. THAT'S what really fucking breaks me. I've never done well with change or endings since childhood. I'd cry after every vacation, every holiday, anything ended. It's going to be the biggest ending of all, and I know it's time and it's inevitable but I'm trying to process that grief.
