Discussion Anyone else sad they will never be able to share everything with someone?

[PurrpTypeFeel]

As romanticized as it is, I'd love to be able to have someone I can trust with sharing *everything* about my life, but at this point suicide and depression are such core parts of my being they're the only thing I can ever talk about and truly believe in, which of course is awful conversation matter

 

[999tilltheworldblow]

I feel ya buddy

 

[SilentSadness]

Unfortunately trust has about as many drawbacks as benefits, I couldn't trust someone with info they could use to force me into a psych ward. I guess I am unlikable as well so it's definitely for the best that I stay alone. I agree that this world is so bad that it seems pointless to try and enjoy anything, I hope you find some of the happiness you describe though.

 

[trist]

yes, but i opened up a tiny bit to someone and they immediately told my parents, so never again.

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

not really, solitude feels safer

 

[lonely_seph]

As romanticized as it is, I'd love to be able to have someone I can trust with sharing *everything* about my life, but at this point suicide and depression are such core parts of my being they're the only thing I can ever talk about and truly believe in, which of course is awful conversation matter

this is so relatable, i have 0 friends, and the only thing i can talk about is suicide so i'm probably going to be lonely forever.

 

[toperish]

I'm on the same boat as you are. I just feel like now, if I share anything, they'll found out that I'm nothing but an empty husk. And I don't think they'll like being dumped with trauma and depressing thoughts. I don't wanna be pitied that way.

 

[thelookingontheway]

I kinda feel like this. I have a close friend who I can talk almost anything with her. But when I exposed a little of my self-destruction idea to her, she just kept silent, as she can't handle this for me even I was vague. I don't blame her but this makes me feel lonely. All the things that can cheer me up away from suicide is came up by myself. And SS is the only place either.

 

[peachchildtenshi]

I've tried opening everything up with people, but I have done it so many times, to the point where I feel like im just looking for attention and it honestly feels like shit because I refuse to change.
If only I was given the chance to turn back time and done it with the person I truly treasured.
everything is my fault.

 

[Disaster]

Consent is a very important thing to me, and I'm pretty sure that no one would voluntarily consent to listening to all the shit I have in my head

 

[MATZsemantics]

I used to have people I could share everything with, but I took that for granted, thinking I preferred isolation. I had isolation for most of my life, so when changes were made I couldn't take it and withdrew from everyone. Now I'm alone regretting everything. I could say I want someone to share everything with, but nowadays it seems like it'd just be a "woe-is-me, I did it to myself" kind of deal (in MY personal situation, mind you) (...BTW, cool pfp, OP...)

 

[leavingsoon99]

You know...

I WANT, SO BADLY, to trust someone enough to share with them. From my mother all the way down to my ex gf, I've NEVER had anyone I could be honest with. I've never had someone who I could trust to talk to about why I'm doing what I'm about to do. Here's the sad truth about humans. Most people really don't care about you. And I'm not talking about society or the NPCs in one's life. I'm talking about the people who seem like 'main characters'. I'm so torn up, to this day, that I could never talk to my mother about ANYTHING. I tried to make amends with her, only to be met with bible verses and the "Well, you need to just forgive me. Because I'm getting older." nonsense.

I've hardened myself to the realization that people don't want to be bothered with your problems, because they're either busy dealing with their own or they want to bother you with theirs. A part of me is sad about that, but that's why I'm appreciative of a platform like this.

I agree that this world is so bad that it seems pointless to try and enjoy anything,

Exact same.

 

[ThisIsLife]

As i want everything but failing i personnaly chose to live by the first rule of the fight club: "do not talk about it !"

I prefer to CTB successfully without anybody seeing it coming than to risk failing because someone wanted to "save" me.

Everytime i get tempted to talk about it i tell myself "The only person who will have to live brain damaged or in a weelchair because you were rescued will be YOU, so shut the fuck up, it's not worth it!".

 

[LittleJem]

I'm so odd I don't think anyone would want to be with me, even without my suicidal thoughts and planning. I realised it the second time or third time I got evicted last year. Men have used me for sex when I'm on drugs and that is the most company I can get. Or hanging out with other oddballs, bored, depressed and with no conversation. Or alone. I didn't realise it when I was on drugs all the time because I was mad on them, but now I see it. I don't know what is worse. I don't blame any of them, what else could I have in my life. But my wanker ex who exploited me messaged me yesterday wanting me to call him on his birthday. I was homeless on my birthday. Didn't hear from him. And then this other dude sent me a message this AM asking if he 'could get in my pants' today. Which is both insulting amd given how ill I am unpleasant. I think I am choosing loneliness instead of being exploited. So I see the loneliness will be for the rest if my life. Nothing makes me laugh and just enduring day after day till I am done with enduring. I might have cancer so if that happens I have an exit from this life. Two or three weeks to find out.

Even other people with depression find me too much

 

[walkinthisbitch]

As romanticized as it is, I'd love to be able to have someone I can trust with sharing *everything* about my life, but at this point suicide and depression are such core parts of my being they're the only thing I can ever talk about and truly believe in, which of course is awful conversation matter

Not related but fire profile picture

 

[qonav]

I've felt this way for a long time, even when I have people I am able to share everything and they listen, I can't help but feel cruel. As if I am just a monster for what I am doing to them and imposing on them, the people closest to me have dismissed me and reacted with frustration, disdain and cruelty but those who haven't almost hurt more, it makes me think they are so good and I am so low for even brining up these things...for ruining their day, for hurting them.
In loneliness the pain is more numb than the chaos of interpersonal relationships.

It makes me think of the "hedgehogs dilemma" Schopenhauer spoke of.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I used to feel like this but it's got to a point where I actively avoid people. I don't trust relationships or people either. In the past, I have been close to people and it hurts when that relationship fizzles out.

 

[sserafim]

As romanticized as it is, I'd love to be able to have someone I can trust with sharing *everything* about my life, but at this point suicide and depression are such core parts of my being they're the only thing I can ever talk about and truly believe in, which of course is awful conversation matter

I don't want to share everything about my life with anybody. I think my life is private and my own, and I would hate to share it with anyone. I would hate to have anyone know everything about me or be a part of my life. I don't see a need to share my life with anyone, and I don't see a need for another person in my life.

 

[ThanatopicFugue]

Yea. Most people, especially friends and family, are uncomfortable with discussing suicidal thoughts and depression. The topic tends to make them very protective but also patronizing.

 

[Hevn]

Once upon a time it seemed to me that I had found such people. People with whom I can talk on any topic and who will understand me. It was my ex and my best friend. The first betrayed too cruelly. All the words turned out to be lies.
Therefore, even if they could not understand, lied, betrayed - such a person who could understand me, hear me - does not exist.
It would be good if I didn't know what "friendship", "love" is; and all those "friends" I've met since 2018.

It makes me think of the "hedgehogs dilemma" Schopenhauer spoke of.

We discussed this dilemma with my best friend.
This dilemma is given as an example in Evangelion. At that time, both I and she were already wounded by past experiences of friendship and relationship.