I've dealt with things by acknowledging I've already had a full life. I owned my own business and then lived in 2 other countries. Then I became very ill and am nearly bed ridden. Probably could've done a lot more if I had not gotten sick, but I started becoming hopelessly bored and had no more dreams long before that. Remembering I had a good life before and anything beyond here would be downhill anyway has helped me cope.
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Member
- Dec 17, 2021
- 93
Sounds like you have had a pretty good run.
I'm sad about not being their for my daughter to see her grow up as well as my step kids and my husband. I'm sad about not seeing every mile stone and every memory. At the same time I'm still struggling with my anxiety on whether I can do it or can't do it. Also i can't keep feeling this way but yet I keep living. My mind keeps telling me I can't do this anymore but I keep doing it.
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CameronFrye
There’s nothing there
- Feb 20, 2022
- 79
Absolutely. This has been a major source of pain throughout my life. From the time I was a child Ive been an observer, watching but unable to participate. I try, but am either turned away by others, held back by my own mental illness, or both. My siblings have always been popular and pretty much only came home to sleep because they were always out with friends living life. We don't relate at all as they seem like completely different people than I am. I'm the oldest and they don't look down or respect me at all because they've already experienced and accomplished more than I ever have.
I though college would be my chance to finally experience life, and it not only turned out the same as before, but worse. I lived in a college town that seemed straight out of a movie. Thursday night to Sunday morning there was essentially non stop partying. The streets of downtown were packed with groups of friends hopping from bar to bar, going in to share good food and drinks over lively conversation. Lights flashed and music and singing echoed out of the apartment buildings surrounding the bars, with people looking over the balconies at the festivities below. Beyond the buildings and bars of downtown was houses rented out by students, people flowing in and out with their groups of friends. The houses were either full of music, singing, and dancing, or friends relaxing on their front porch talking about life with soft, chill music in the background. Needing fresh air, I'd walk the streets and observe, getting a small amount of secondary euphoria from the joy radiating off of people experiencing life in every direction. But that feeling was secondary to the overwhelming loneliness and feeling of missing out. Now, having dropped out, I only see the quiet, somewhat dystopian setting of my monoculture suburban town, but the feeling of missing out I'm all too used to still remains.
I though college would be my chance to finally experience life, and it not only turned out the same as before, but worse. I lived in a college town that seemed straight out of a movie. Thursday night to Sunday morning there was essentially non stop partying. The streets of downtown were packed with groups of friends hopping from bar to bar, going in to share good food and drinks over lively conversation. Lights flashed and music and singing echoed out of the apartment buildings surrounding the bars, with people looking over the balconies at the festivities below. Beyond the buildings and bars of downtown was houses rented out by students, people flowing in and out with their groups of friends. The houses were either full of music, singing, and dancing, or friends relaxing on their front porch talking about life with soft, chill music in the background. Needing fresh air, I'd walk the streets and observe, getting a small amount of secondary euphoria from the joy radiating off of people experiencing life in every direction. But that feeling was secondary to the overwhelming loneliness and feeling of missing out. Now, having dropped out, I only see the quiet, somewhat dystopian setting of my monoculture suburban town, but the feeling of missing out I'm all too used to still remains.
What is your biggest struggle? Is it more mental or physical illness? I may be able to offer some advice.
sunsetting
Student
- Jun 9, 2021
- 100
Yes, to the point I don't even visit relatives or being able to form friendships because everyone around me has something I wish I had or could experience. Hell, my envy runs so deep that even going for a walk makes me angry at the slightest hint of perceiving that someone near me has a good job or has a loving family and then I just feel sad at how inadequate I am for life and that I'll never achieve those things. Just wished I already had mustered the courage to ctb because I'm still a bit conflicted if I should stay and suffer or just go and feel the comfort of not existing.
Sherri
Archangel
- Sep 28, 2020
- 13,794
Even having a bf. That is so caring and nice to me. I still love and miss my ex, it's been 5 years maybe 6 now. Im always waiting for my messenger to ring one day and that's him. What we had I can't have with my current bf, yes he was a jerk. But why do girls always fall for. Sd guys that ruin their lives.
@whatevs hes unfortunately is true, when I was single and made the Mistake on purpose to check his profile I was in bed for 3 days. Never Again I shall look.
@whatevs hes unfortunately is true, when I was single and made the Mistake on purpose to check his profile I was in bed for 3 days. Never Again I shall look.
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Seafoam
Student
- Jun 26, 2020
- 103
It's a huge reason why I want to ctb, my depression has held me back for years. I'm envious of people who get to enjoy their lives. I know they have their own problems but there's a stark difference between people that enjoy life and those that don't.
TakeMeBack07
Failure
- Jan 16, 2022
- 128
Sherri
Archangel
- Sep 28, 2020
- 13,794
TakeMeBack07
Failure
- Jan 16, 2022
- 128
Sherri
Archangel
- Sep 28, 2020
- 13,794
stygal
meow
- Oct 29, 2020
- 1,731
I sometimes would want to experience my life with a "differently -wired" brain - just to see if I could actually enjoy all the normie-stuff (Amusement Parks, Weddings, going on holidays etc) or if it's not even worth the hustle ^^
grail
Member
- Jun 25, 2021
- 55
It feels like I will never become a regular social person and will miss out on most things in life. I would like to raise kids or hang out with friends. People who do make it seem so easy...
onlyanimalsaregood
Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
- Mar 11, 2022
- 1,329
Yes, a lot! And I miss myself too. I'm not myself anymore.
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