Discussion Anyone else on the spectrum? How do you deal with it?

[miles-away]

I hate this shit so much lol. It really is like being randomly thrusted into a play with no script. And everything you say/do is weird or misconstrued in the worst way possible. You're a punching bag for the worst kind of people. Society, at large, will never truly except you and in turn, you'll never truly understand society. You're learning shit most people figured out at 12.

 

[Spite]

How do I deal with it?

I don't, really. My only way of "dealing with it" is to immerse myself in my hobbies as a means of distraction. For me, that includes playing video games, doing video-editing, and watching my favourite shows and listening to my favourite music. But even then, these copes can only work effectively for so long before they start to fizzle out, and I am reminded of the hellish life I am confined to.

I feel like an alien and a total fuckup. Just earlier today I was at a store in line getting food and the guy in front of me was friends with the cashier - both are young guys in their 20s, around the same age as me, and watching them socialise and hold a conversation... it comes so naturally and easily to them, like it's literally effortless. For me I feel like I'm in chains - I have crippling social anxiety and I'm barely able to socialise with anyone at all. I feel like I'm just some kind of pathetic biowaste that barely resembles a human being. I don't know how to be normal.

Seeing other people, "normies" (for lack of a better term), cruise through life and be all happy and bubbly and able to enjoy life and have friends and socialise effortlessly and go to parties and all that stuff, is potent suicidefuel. It makes me want to die knowing I will never fit in anywhere. I will never be normal. Life will always be a struggle and I will always suffer.

It's gonna get worse as I get older, too. I'm pushing 30 now.