Anyone else not able to self harm anymore?

[lan11]

I've sh'd in some sort of way since I was a child but stopped a few years ago when coincidentally I'd been put on a medication which has studies that it reduces self harm/suicidal ideation.

I've had the urge to do it lately so I tried cutting myself and I just couldn't do it. I got the blade and tried to slice my skin and I just couldn't put the pressure on it. It's so weird - I used to cut to the point of needing stitches and both my arms are littered in scars but for some reason I just couldn't do it now.

Now I feel like shit because I just wanted to express physically how I mentally feel and I couldn't even do that. Can't kill myself properly and can't self harm now.

I don't know if it is the medication or just getting a bit older (frontal lobe developing and all that).

Has anyone else struggled to self harm, even when they wanted to?

 

[Life]

It's always very painful for me to do it, mentally, I just do it because I deserve it lol.

 

[lan11]

It's always very painful for me to do it, mentally, I just do it because I deserve it

I know what you mean. I still feel like I deserve it but maybe my heart's just not in it.

 

[Life]

I know what you mean. I still feel like I deserve it but maybe my heart's just not in it.

I would never promote it to anyone obviously. If you're scared of doing it it's a good thing you still have some humanity in you, ya know?

 

[technicallyAlive]

yes unfortunately, around 5 or so months ago I had to move somewhere and since it was by flight I couldn't take my box cutter due to TSA. I wasn't able to get a new box cutter until only a couple months ago and despite trying I still don't use it very much. I guess I've just gotten out the habit, but I understand how you feel. Now instead of hurting physically it just feels like all the pain is getting all rotten and moldy inside of me and idk what to do about it lol

 

[CookedRamen]

This is so relatable. I used to cut a lot and it's been about a year since I've done anything beyond a couple cat scratches. I still get blades but then they end up getting lost.

 

[lan11]

yes unfortunately, around 5 or so months ago I had to move somewhere and since it was by flight I couldn't take my box cutter due to TSA. I wasn't able to get a new box cutter until only a couple months ago and despite trying I still don't use it very much. I guess I've just gotten out the habit, but I understand how you feel. Now instead of hurting physically it just feels like all the pain is getting all rotten and moldy inside of me and idk what to do about it lol

I feel for you, it's so hard when the pain is inside and you just want to let it out…

This is so relatable. I used to cut a lot and it's been about a year since I've done anything beyond a couple cat scratches. I still get blades but then they end up getting lost.

Glad to know I'm not the only one