anyone else miss the person they used to be

[copioushopelessness]

I had a psychotic break from reality last year that made me a felon
I would do anything to be who I was before March 2025

Yep. Seems like March of last year was the time to have psychosis. What a hellish year.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Yeah. I've always had vices, but I used to have virtues. I was a bright kid and could have become anything. Instead I became a delusional narcissist who did nothing with his time. I lived a failed life. Every failure so far I coped with by dreaming of a bright future. I can't cope anymore.

"Here lies [OMLL]. He was born, he sucked, he died."

 

[aesthetic]

i have always been the person i am today.

 

[socksnsandles]

i died 6 years ago. my body will die soon.

 

[fadedghost]

it's like everyday i'm forced to recall and mourn a past version of myself. all the hobbies i used to have, motivation for getting outside, confidence in myself, and all the comfort and stability i held in my mind. i get that change is inevitable, but it makes me sad. i just don't know where it all went. i feel so boring now, i can barely hold a conversation, and everything i do and say to other people is just so forced, something so obviously ingenuine and squeezed out of a memory of who i recall i'm supposed to be just enough to come off as socially acceptable. and it's so apparent, it just prevents me from getting close to other people. god i hate myself. i don't have any friends now, i lost so many in the last year, but i completely get it. i probably wouldn't wanna be friends with me either.

my last relationship ended about a month ago and all i can remember is how many times near the end i would literally apologize to her for being the version of myself that i was. and how much better it would've been if they had knew me some months earlier. there's no profound meaning in it. it's just all gone. i don't know how to get it back. i'm scared, i don;t think i ever will.

I am not a pro-lifer but really hope you wait at least a year before even considering any attempting...

This sounds like depression plus a breakup making depression worse, it may not be like this in a year...

I often hate psychiatry and mental health workers and feel like they overcharge and exploit people, but I feel like with you, if you had someone good to help and maybe a year's time, your situation could improve...

I also feel like some people on SaSu, those that have chronic pain or treatment resistant depression or severe medical problems, are understandably depressed and want to die, while some people are depressed and have a decent chance of getting better and I worry about them rushing into things. I don't know if you have treatment resistant depression, but this sounds like it's newly worse (with the breakup) and sometimes it takes 6 months to feel slightly decent after something like that.

Not trying to gatekeep and perhaps somehow it will change.

I personally miss not having medical issues and miss not being angry all the time and not having a brain so traumatized I'm constantly scanning rooms for threats even when I'm alone.

 

[iveseenfootage]

I don't think I've ever been anything but what I am now tbh.

 

[castlebravo]

I've always been depressed. And had suicidal thoughts. I'd go back to that time if I could. I miss my 30 year old self - before this disease I have started fucking up my central nervous system. Now I think of killing myself so I can avoid being in a wheelchair.

 

[violetforever]

im the same person ive been since i was a child, just more traumatic events happened, the traits ive always had worsened and i grew up.

 

[MephiticShadow]

I don't even remember who I used to be

 

[negi-maguro]

I think every decision and path I took has led me to be the person I am today, so I don't really miss the old me. But it is depressing to know how my room used to be filled with drawings and posters. Now it's completely empty. It just shows how much personality and soul I've lost.

Okay I guess I do miss the old me that at least had some interests and was creative. But nobody vibed with it and I can't express it like a normal person so I guess I took every part of my personality down a notch to the empty husk that I believe I am today.

 

[DeadManLiving]

I miss who I was before experiencing certain trauma and developing my chronic pain ailment so freaking much.

I feel you

 

[killawithme]

a long time ago I was more "human" more real than I am right now atleast it feels that was the case

 

[whotookmylexapro]

Every day im consumed by OCD and intrusive thoughts. I literally can't let myself be present in the moment and enjoy myself. Any moment that I become mindful of my own identity, the intrusive thoughts come in and make me feel ashamed of myself, because I do not want my identity to be associated with these thoughts

It is cruel. It makes me cry every day. I am not allowed to be myself anymore. Every time I talk, express something I like, or have something positive about myself, it is shot down by these thoughts and negative emotions. I wish I could be myself again. My youth is being wasted away and if i live long enough to look back on this, i will regret everything . But i have no options. I miss being myself

 

[Star67]

I can completely relate. The last time I felt like myself and felt full of life was when I was 18. I'll be 30 in June and the last 12 years I've been full of self hatred, misery, pain, and me searching aimlessly for a sense of self. Relationships have made things so much worse for me. So much heart I've poured into them and yet they're all gone now. Makes me feel like I'm not worthwhile.