Yes. It hit me really hard a few hours ago but it's always been a lingering feeling for me for the last decade or so. I just sit around and rot and I don't care about anything. I kind of hate myself for wasting so much time but what else am I going to do? Everyone else wastes their time at work and when they come home they waste their time on social media or watching TV or whatever else people do. I don't care about being "productive" for other people. I don't care that I never go outside. I don't care that I'm a friendless loser. I only shower and shave if I have to go outside travel to buy food. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up.
I think it happens because once you've suffered for so long your brain decides to cope for you by not caring about anything. In many ways it's kind of nice, but I wish I had something I cared about because then... I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't dread every day as much. Maybe I wouldn't lay in bed for 5 hours to mentally prepare for another day of doing absolutely nothing.
Life is really just completely pointless for some people. I'm not sure how others can find a purpose. I wish I was like them but don't think it'll happen. Oh well. Hopefully, in a few months, I won't be around for it to be a problem. Not caring about anything is in a way, freeing. It helps to not care because then it makes it easier to ctb once you're ready.
