Anyone else know their time is almost up?

[Deathbydemo]

My time is near. I can't hold out for much longer. Literally the only thing that is bringing me peace is knowing that, soon, there will be no more pain. I haven't got out of bed all day... listening to some songs to help.

Can anyone relate?

 

[randomz]

Sure, I can relate, I wish I could have stayed in bed all day. Try doing something to distract yourself, watch a funny movie, play a game or something, maybe something will make you feel better. Maybe even try booking an appointment with a professional?

 

[SuicideBoys93]

Lately I've been going through a lot. Right now as I type this I feel it's just about time. That could change tomorrow, or it could get worse. Yesterday I ordered things off Amazon that I'd need to CTB. Could of been me acting on impulse, I don't know. That's what scares me the most, the more I go, the easier I give into impulses. Ultimately I don't think I want to die, I just want it to stop, but everything always comes back. I've been asked to continue to seek help but imagine the pill bottle will be the hand that's dealt. I already put my hope into sleeping at the mercy of pills. I don't want to wager my happiness being at the mercy of pills. It's a struggle I ask myself constantly. I do fear I'll miss out on things on life, but I also fear that I'll continue to wallow in the depths of depression, and anxiety. My thoughts never sit well with people in my life, and I catch a lot of hell. The people around me struggle to grasp what I wrote above, and it only defeats me more to feel like my outlets cease to exist in life. I truly believe if I were to CTB it would be the cause of a severe impulse that I let win. I like the concept of life, just not the false reality my brain has me living day to day with zero end in sight.

 

[CarefulWithThatAxe]

Lately I've been going through a lot. Right now as I type this I feel it's just about time. That could change tomorrow, or it could get worse. Yesterday I ordered things off Amazon that I'd need to CTB. Could of been me acting on impulse, I don't know. That's what scares me the most, the more I go, the easier I give into impulses. Ultimately I don't think I want to die, I just want it to stop, but everything always comes back. I've been asked to continue to seek help but imagine the pill bottle will be the hand that's dealt. I already put my hope into sleeping at the mercy of pills. I don't want to wager my happiness being at the mercy of pills. It's a struggle I ask myself constantly. I do fear I'll miss out on things on life, but I also fear that I'll continue to wallow in the depths of depression, and anxiety. My thoughts never sit well with people in my life, and I catch a lot of hell. The people around me struggle to grasp what I wrote above, and it only defeats me more to feel like my outlets cease to exist in life. I truly believe if I were to CTB it would be the cause of a severe impulse that I let win. I like the concept of life, just not the false reality my brain has me living day to day with zero end in sight.

I have always struggled to put into words what you just wrote but you sum it up perfectly.

 

[Nowilltolive90]

I guess you could say that I've set a date for me to ctb, I've drawn out plans and I'm in the process of writing my goodbye letters, I've finally accepted my decision and I'm going to go peacefully and calmly. The impulse approach wouldn't work for me.

 

[Deathbydemo]

Sure, I can relate, I wish I could have stayed in bed all day. Try doing something to distract yourself, watch a funny movie, play a game or something, maybe something will make you feel better. Maybe even try booking an appointment with a professional?

I am consumed with the idea of death. Nothing else really matters to me right now. My time is almost done. I can feel it.

 

[Banquo501]

Can definitely relate. The only thing keeping me here now is making sure I don't go on a memorable date. My aim is the 29th because it only comes around once every four years.

 

[Deathbydemo]

Lately I've been going through a lot. Right now as I type this I feel it's just about time. That could change tomorrow, or it could get worse. Yesterday I ordered things off Amazon that I'd need to CTB. Could of been me acting on impulse, I don't know. That's what scares me the most, the more I go, the easier I give into impulses. Ultimately I don't think I want to die, I just want it to stop, but everything always comes back. I've been asked to continue to seek help but imagine the pill bottle will be the hand that's dealt. I already put my hope into sleeping at the mercy of pills. I don't want to wager my happiness being at the mercy of pills. It's a struggle I ask myself constantly. I do fear I'll miss out on things on life, but I also fear that I'll continue to wallow in the depths of depression, and anxiety. My thoughts never sit well with people in my life, and I catch a lot of hell. The people around me struggle to grasp what I wrote above, and it only defeats me more to feel like my outlets cease to exist in life. I truly believe if I were to CTB it would be the cause of a severe impulse that I let win. I like the concept of life, just not the false reality my brain has me living day to day with zero end in sight.

I can relate to everything you just wrote, 100%. So glad a place like this exists for us to vent our thoughts and not be judged for it.

I guess you could say that I've set a date for me to ctb, I've drawn out plans and I'm in the process of writing my goodbye letters, I've finally accepted my decision and I'm going to go peacefully and calmly. The impulse approach wouldn't work for me.

I have accepted my decision too. May I ask what is your date?

Can definitely relate. The only thing keeping me here now is making sure I don't go on a memorable date. My aim is the 29th because it only comes around once every four years.

That's a great idea actually.

 

[issyishere]

Next couple of weeks I was planning this february but I can't seem to find any alone time.

 

[Banquo501]

That's a great idea actually.

Afraid I can't claim it as my own, someone on here suggested it the other day.

 

[S1mpleme]

My time is near. I can't hold out for much longer. Literally the only thing that is bringing me peace is knowing that, soon, there will be no more pain. I haven't got out of bed all day... listening to some songs to help.

Can anyone relate?

I would hug you if you were here.

 

[Lorntroubles]

Yes. Not next week or month, but it's near. It doesn't feel real at times. Like I'm stepping back watching myself be so depleted and know what my ultimate ending will be.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

My time is near. I can't hold out for much longer. Literally the only thing that is bringing me peace is knowing that, soon, there will be no more pain. I haven't got out of bed all day... listening to some songs to help.

Can anyone relate?

My time is in like a month or so and it sucks because I have to go through so much pain. I hate waiting so the thought of suicide doesn't kick in till I'm near my date

 

[TelstraSuckAFatOne]

My time is up, there's no point try to prolong this hell of a life. I'd always tell myself it'll get better keep your head up and all that other positive bullshit. I slept 19 hours yesterday Only getting up to eat once and go to the toilet.
I want to be able to sleep forever and I can finally accept that it's time. I have a date set and nothing can change it this is what I want/need.
In my opinion it doesn't get better no matter what the circumstances are I'll always have a brain that can't function like it should.
I've managed to get past the guilt of leaving loved ones because sticking around to keep them happy is not the right thing for me, I've tried to explain it to them and get met with the same old shit that it'll get better.

 

[Deathbydemo]

Next couple of weeks I was planning this february but I can't seem to find any alone time.

I hope you find the right time and some day your soul can be truly at peace. That is what each one of us here deserves.

I would hug you if you were here.

Thank you. Sending much love back to you too.

Yes. Not next week or month, but it's near. It doesn't feel real at times. Like I'm stepping back watching myself be so depleted and know what my ultimate ending will be.

I totally get you about it not feeling real. I hope you can find it in your heart somehow to stick around.

 

[sickInsominic42]

I was trying to wait till my birthday at the end of March but I think I'm going to do it in the beginning because my illness is Just getting alot worse so I'm always in physical and mental pain. I want to go out in my own way instead of waiting for my illness to do it for me.

 

[TAW122]

I know my time is coming to an end, and have long decided that I'm going to go eventually. I have planned to check out in the 2nd half of 2020, after I have done what I have sought out to do. I have always wished to die for over a decade, alternating between being passive and active (in 2019 alone, there are at least two instances where I have actively planned to end it should things have gone awry). In a sense, I feel some relief knowing that soon, everything would not matter anymore and I would just cease to exist.

 

[WhiteEyes]

It feels like it. But I've gone a little longer than I anticipated. I thought Spring but now I think it may be summer.

 

[LastRide]

I would hug you if you were here.

I don't know you but I'd hug you too ! Hugging is always great...I think it'll be easier for me to go on that final journey once I've had a proper good-bye hug....

 

[highlyvolatile]

Yes. Not next week or month, but it's near. It doesn't feel real at times. Like I'm stepping back watching myself be so depleted and know what my ultimate ending will be.

I feel this all too well. I'll admit its a bit, comfortimg and scary for me to think about. Like all my troubles and this shitty life coming to an end, but i'll miss out on a lot. I'm ready to go though. Each day is me trying to not cry or get upset with family or something. I didn't have a clear idea in mind or date set for when i was ctb, I just know it's happening soon.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Yup, I feel that way as well. to be honest, I am quite surprised that I am still here.

 

[Deleted member 15256]

Just waiting to my family to go home and pay some bills. I am a perfectionist, want to leave everything in place.
Hopefully I'll be able to go until June.
And I am so in peace with this resolution now

 

[Empty Smile]

My time is in the next one to two months. I've held off long enough. Once the warmer weather is here, it's off to the mountains/woods.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

Yup, I feel that way as well. to be honest, I am quite surprised that I am still here.

Real talk I'm surprised I'm still here too, waiting for my CTB to come and it sucks

 

[S1mpleme]

I don't know you but I'd hug you too ! Hugging is always great...I think it'll be easier for me to go on that final journey once I've had a proper good-bye hug....

That must be amazing feeling. I'm not sure if anyone ever hugged me like a true hug, or I just dont remember it was really long time ago.

 

[Secrets1]

Was thinking about making a thread like this myself . There's been a marked change lately. My behavior is much more impulsive, risky, or catatonic like you. I've been ending relationships left and right, setting myself up for repetitive failure in others I care about. Drawing lines in the sand to see where I stand and coming up short all the time, every time for over 6 months. The other day my mom visited, happens about 4x/year. I couldn't help but start bawling when she was leaving, thinking it really might be the last time I saw her. Sweet lady, I love her so much. She knew what was up and I can't live for her. We'll see what happens things are getting serious. Not scared of death, just what I may miss out on in life... it's hard to see the cycle of pain ending though after fighting so much.

Any of this sound familiar? Are you taking other steps to get closer to the end? Another area I'm about to move into just in case. Will, supplies, detachment etc.

 

[Pan]

My time is up and has been up for a long time now. I wake up in the middle of night reliving the bullying and abuse I received as a child and am only now realizing how toxic my mother actually is. I plan on full suspension soon enough...

I guess you could say that I've set a date for me to ctb, I've drawn out plans and I'm in the process of writing my goodbye letters, I've finally accepted my decision and I'm going to go peacefully and calmly. The impulse approach wouldn't work for me.

May I ask what method you are considering?