anyone else is dying as loner virgin?

[262653]

4) You can't compair mens sex lifes to womens, simply because men generally do the propositioning. Men who are unsuccessful in love get no propositions at all.... Women get lots of unwanted proposition.

I agree to some degree. I'm having the impression that both men and women sex lives are often being conflated here when discussed.

It's like if a person with nutritional deficiency would say how nutrition is important and valuable and good for you, while a person with nutritional overdose would say how nutrition it's overrated and harmful to you. It might seem as if two groups are holding contradicting views about the same thing (nutrition) when in fact they might be talking about different things (benefits of increasing nutrition for treating deficiency and harms of increasing nutrition for treating overdose).

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

When I was a teen I was the socially awkward kid who sat at the back minding my own business. I had absolutely no interest in romantic love, and did not do too well in my grades either. While girls in my class were fawning over their beloved K-pop idols, I was more interested in playing video games. I honestly don't think I'm losing out given the high divorce rates nowadays and how superficial people can be. What's more I lack maternal instinct, so I don't think I'd make a good parent or caregiver.

I expect this thread to be male only because I truly doubt there would be any female/girl that can relate. their sexual lives are set on auto pilot mode.

I'm female, so I guess this makes me the odd one out. However OP, I'd highly advise against making generalisations. A few bad apples are not going to spoil an entire basket.

 

[jackscoldsweat]

Yes, me.

i'm not coping with it very well. Sometimes I catch myself walking along, imagining what it might be like to be walking along holding hands with a partner in that exact moment, just chatting and listening to each others stories. Then I remember that those kind of thoughts are dangerous, and go back to my regular suicidal musings... what a glorious existence

I relate strongly to your statement of "it's probably better for me to stay alone", I know it would be cruel of me to subject another person to a life with me in it.

thanks for your post, it's nice to hear from someone else in this position

 

[Amisorih]

I will die virgin. When I was young I considered it a big problem. Sport and exercise certainly helped me that time. Today I am old enough not to think about sex all the time. Old age will give a relief, like Plato wrote in his Republic:

- How well I remember the aged poet Sophocles. He was asked, "How does love suit with age, Sophocles? Are you still the man you were?" He replied, "Peace! Most gladly have I escaped the thing of which you speak; I feel as if I had escaped from a mad and furious master."​

 

[MAIO]

Here's some of the things I've learnt, but if someone told me when I was younger I wouldn't have understood fully or believed them.

1) It's not really the sex you crave. Its the affection, intimacy, and connection with someone. Even BDSM is based on trust!

2) There is a relatively easy way to get sex. Lie. Say everything you want her to hear. You'll feel good for a short while, but then you'll feel shit about yourself afterwards, unless you're a narcissist. You are better than them.

3) Bragging about "How many birds you've shagged" is a sign of insecurity. People do it as they are seeking validation. If they need lots of sex to feel validated then they are likely to be a very insecure person. I known people who've supposedly got it all, but they've cheated on their wives and the parents of their kids etc. Those people are dead inside and hate themselves. They can't even face up to them hating themselves, you are better than them.

4) You can't compair mens sex lifes to womens, simply because men generally do the propositioning. Men who are unsuccessful in love get no propositions at all.... Women get lots of unwanted proposition.

5) Films and the media make everything out to be a lot more complicated than it needs to be.

It can actually be really straight forward. If you like someone, and thinks she's into you - just say - "Hey, do you fancy going for a drink some time?"

Making a move to steal a kiss... thats more difficult to work out how it generally happens because I'm normal pretty drunk.

However, if you get that far and she's into you, all you have to say is "hey, do you fancy going back to mine?"

If she say no, that's cool, she won't be offended, follow it up by saying something like "that's cool, sorry I should have asked, I'm really enjoying spending time with you, wanna meet up again soon?"

Nothing complicated. Just be honest. It will happen. Hope you meet someone you really like! Its about you, not anyone else.

This is mostly terrible advice, of course you suck with the opposite sex you are putting forward a fake version of yourself and putting them on a pedistole. If you are just complete and yourself you won't have any problem being with the opposite sex.

Believe it or not I have actually known men who only want sex with a woman they love. And also believe it or not I have known men who are honest and able to get sex without needing to lie. Men don't have to be total shits to get sex. They can be genuine, honest, and have character and get sex. What they do have is respect for women.

Relationships are not about just having sex, relationships are about giving without expecting anything in return. If you just want sex just get hooker or toy would be far less expensive, easier and more fulfilling.

 

[262653]

Relationships are not about just having sex, relationships are about giving without expecting anything in return.

I have my doubts about that. If there are no expectations to recieve anything, then what's up with the preferences for who to be with or who to give?

 

[Wrennie]

i missed out on teen love days and stuff. I realized lately how my ugly face and short height were the reasons I always been the circus ape of class.
sometimes i close my eyes and think how would my life be if i had a gf/lover .. but I feel nothing, it's probably better for me to stay alone.
when my brain chemicals trick me into a depressive state due to lack of love and emotions i get i cope by playing chess.

anyone else relate? how do you cope by being a virgin loner.


I expect this thread to be male only because I truly doubt there would be any female/girl that can relate. their sexual lives are set on auto pilot mode.

I'm female and a loner and a virgin. I guess God must've forgotten to install this auto-pilot mode you speak of in me, lol.

It truly does suck though that you're having to go through this. But please know that you are far from being alone! I know everyone's situation is slightly different, but if anyone ever needs someone to talk to about it feel free to HMU, because it's my daily reality.

It's gross how our society shames and isolates people for not being able to get "laid", as if sexual relations are the most important thing to our humanity and not the connections we form with people along the way.

 

[Meditation guide]

If you just want sex just get hooker or toy would be far less expensive, easier and more fulfilling.

Why? Some people are ok with sex without having a relationship.

 

[Futile]

KHHV who never had any friends checking in

 

[lonewolf22]

I just lost my virginity at 38. Realized it isnt that hard to get a gf as long as you put yourself out there, make something of yourself, have passions, and most importantly, have a personality. Unfortunately for me, I had none of those and the gf became an ex in a few months. Told me that she perceived me to be very different to what she saw in my pictures. I will say this, I will die with a lot of regrets but at least I'm saved from the regret of dying a virgin.

 

[lonerclown666]

this would sound insane but i have a crush i was obsessed with her for years but she always rejected me today i discover she is a huge s**t i feel very broken now i am sure i will die soon

 

[StuckAF]

Look at how many guys mention height as being a factor limiting them from losing virginity. Anyone who tells me it doesn't matter can fuck off kindly.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Look at how many guys mention height as being a factor limiting them from losing virginity. Anyone who tells me it doesn't matter can fuck off kindly.

I'm 6 feet and still a virgin. That's how bad the rest of me is. Though I do agree it would be even more difficult for me if I were shorter.

 

[ZardozOmega]

I'm 6 feet and still a virgin. That's how bad the rest of me is. Though I do agree it would be even more difficult for me if I were shorter.

5'10 manlet here

 

[fixitinpost]

If you just want sex just get hooker or toy would be far less expensive, easier and more fulfilling.

Easier perhaps, but more fulfilling? Nah. I'd rather be with someone who I have at least a shred of connection with, even if it's just an hour in the bar. I don't think I could get in the mood with someone who is there because I paid her to. And I can't be alone in thinking like this.

 

[Meditation guide]

I know a tall good looking virgin guy. He was 36 when I met him, never a gf. Lately at 42 he got married and is very happy.

 

[mimiopo22]

I'm here, I'm a girl.

 

[demuic]

5'10 manlet here

5'10 is not a "manlet".. that is taller than the average male height worldwide.

If that is a manlet then most men on earth are manlets...

 

[ZardozOmega]

5'10 is not a "manlet".. that is taller than the average male height worldwide.

If that is a manlet then most men on earth are manlets...

You know what they say. If you're below 6' you're not a real man.

 

[Futile]

Look at how many guys mention height as being a factor limiting them from losing virginity. Anyone who tells me it doesn't matter can fuck off kindly.

Face, height and frame. Everything else is meaningless bullshit

 

[MrBlue]

5'10 manlet here

me at 5'3 XD

 

[ZardozOmega]

me at 5'3 XD

are you white? cuz if you are, go to thailand or indonesia.

 

[MrBlue]

I am white, and kinda poor, so I'm not going to be able to travel overseas. I haven't started trying to date because I don't have any friends, and kind of feel like that's a requirement as well as being 5'8+.

With my size and quieter disposition I might as well be my profile pic lol.

 

[ZardozOmega]

I am white, and kinda poor, so I'm not going to be able to travel overseas. I haven't started trying to date because I don't have any friends, and kind of feel like that's a requirement as well as being 5'8+.

With my size and quieter disposition I might as well be my profile pic lol.

keep an eye on asian women, they're all insane for white dudes.

 

[MrBlue]

are you white? cuz if you are, go to thailand or indonesia.

I am white...and kinda poor, so I'm not going to be able to travel overseas. I haven't even started dating because I don't have any friends, and that's kind of a minimum requirement beyond being 5'8+.

With my size and quieter disposition, I might as well be my prifile pic lol

 

[DJJE]

Believe it or not I have actually known men who only want sex with a woman they love. And also believe it or not I have known men who are honest and able to get sex without needing to lie. Men don't have to be total shits to get sex. They can be genuine, honest, and have character and get sex. What they do have is respect for women.

That was pretty much the point I was trying to make.

You can be a shit bag, it works, but you won't feel good about it. It's not something I would advise.

I agree to some degree. I'm having the impression that both men and women sex lives are often being conflated here when discussed.

It's like if a person with nutritional deficiency would say how nutrition is important and valuable and good for you, while a person with nutritional overdose would say how nutrition it's overrated and harmful to you. It might seem as if two groups are holding contradicting views about the same thing (nutrition) when in fact they might be talking about different things (benefits of increasing nutrition for treating deficiency and harms of increasing nutrition for treating overdose).

Spot on. Thats what I was getting at.

Like comparing an anorexic and a obese persons issues with food. Same subject, but completely different.

this would sound insane but i have a crush i was obsessed with her for years but she always rejected me today i discover she is a huge s**t i feel very broken now i am sure i will die soon

At least you tried. Well done. That was brave!

 

[magick'sgone]

Love can be so rewarding but it's also a dangerous game to play. Kinda like drugs. You come up and feel great for a while but you're damn sure going to pay for it eventually.

I've had 3 serious, long-ish relationships and can honestly say that it was at certain times during those that I was the happiest I've ever been. ‎

Little things like cooking together, hugging in bed during winter months, walking by the river in summer, etc. It's also nice to not have to do everything alone. Food shopping or hospital appointments are so much easier when you have a partner with you. You're not the weird guy at work who never has a girlfriend. Your suicidal thoughts don't disappear but they come slightly less often and you find yourself accidentally thinking about the future.

Then either gradually or quickly, shit happens. Arguments, mistrust, general drifting apart. BAM! You're on your own again. Cooking and shopping is a chore. You climb into a cold, empty bed at the end of the day and watch netflix alone. You hear that your ex has a new relationship and you want to be happy for her but it makes you wonder if what you shared really meant anything. Time goes by and you get used to being alone again and can seriously plan your death......is that a good thing?‎

 

[ZardozOmega]

Love can be so rewarding but it's also a dangerous game to play. Kinda like drugs. You come up and feel great for a while but you're damn sure going to pay for it eventually.

I've had 3 serious, long-ish relationships and can honestly say that it was at certain times during those that I was the happiest I've ever been. ‎

Little things like cooking together, hugging in bed during winter months, walking by the river in summer, etc. It's also nice to not have to do everything alone. Food shopping or hospital appointments are so much easier when you have a partner with you. You're not the weird guy at work who never has a girlfriend. Your suicidal thoughts don't disappear but they come slightly less often and you find yourself accidentally thinking about the future.

Then either gradually or quickly, shit happens. Arguments, mistrust, general drifting apart. BAM! You're on your own again. Cooking and shopping is a chore. You climb into a cold, empty bed at the end of the day and watch netflix alone. You hear that your ex has a new relationship and you want to be happy for her but it makes you wonder if what you shared really meant anything. Time goes by and you get used to being alone again and can seriously plan your death......is that a good thing?‎

That sounds so comfy
I wish I had a man in my life.

 

[Meditation guide]

I am white, and kinda poor, so I'm not going to be able to travel overseas. I haven't started trying to date because I don't have any friends, and kind of feel like that's a requirement as well as being 5'8+.

With my size and quieter disposition I might as well be my profile pic lol.

The height thing and everything else does not disqualify you from dating. I had a bf that was shorter than me and it didn't bother me.

 

[Panna]

You hear that your ex has a new relationship and you want to be happy for her but it makes you wonder if what you shared really meant anything.

That's the biggest difference that I have seen between male and female relationships, one can move on and enjoy themselves, while the other is left behind with those "broken memories" reminiscing on what was. I wonder who between the two actually cared, and who didn't.