Archness
Defective Personel
- Jan 20, 2023
- 449
My writing and expressions can come off as emotional yet level-headed (I think).
But the times when I'm extremely emotional and such.... I'm unable to write. It's all garbage, feels for me like garbage, and would probably read like trash too if I didn't delete it all b4 now.
That's if I attempt writing.
Really, sometimes I'd, but just shut down / focus on repressing (depending on the situation). Just coil up, quite literally (in my room), and soak it all. It can feel like I'm compressing, collapsing into myself, becoming the deepest pit, deep enough you can't see the way out.
My thoughts become a factile introspection with nearly endless recursion, if I had to make it a more physical description, is like your falling, in all directions, all at once. This moments feels as if it'd never end, and as it goes on, the point that it started fades away, because, more or less, I've peeled away too many layers.
Describing anymore I know would be fruitless, as only those who've experienced the same can attest to it. If there was an upside, it's that for me, once it ends, it's compressed into a mere moment....
Was that really all it was? Maybe it's how my state of being would feel if I didn't develop such an indifference and tolerance. I often surprise myself with the clarity I can describe these things, but it's alot easier when your behind hindsight I guess. When I'm really feeling shit there's just no calling for help or speaking up. It's not that it's difficult, because after all, every experience I had shown that it isn't worth it, everyone will do a whole song-and-dance and "support you"....
But in the end, nothing changed, nothing's fixed, it was just a bother, or even a potential problem and disaster in itself. It just isn't worth it, I just shouldn't.
Regardless, I have this forum now. Your all good in my eyes, and there's actually no potential for things to go terribly wrong, or for the true despair, futility, etc to come out.
But the times when I'm extremely emotional and such.... I'm unable to write. It's all garbage, feels for me like garbage, and would probably read like trash too if I didn't delete it all b4 now.
That's if I attempt writing.
Really, sometimes I'd, but just shut down / focus on repressing (depending on the situation). Just coil up, quite literally (in my room), and soak it all. It can feel like I'm compressing, collapsing into myself, becoming the deepest pit, deep enough you can't see the way out.
My thoughts become a factile introspection with nearly endless recursion, if I had to make it a more physical description, is like your falling, in all directions, all at once. This moments feels as if it'd never end, and as it goes on, the point that it started fades away, because, more or less, I've peeled away too many layers.
Describing anymore I know would be fruitless, as only those who've experienced the same can attest to it. If there was an upside, it's that for me, once it ends, it's compressed into a mere moment....
Was that really all it was? Maybe it's how my state of being would feel if I didn't develop such an indifference and tolerance. I often surprise myself with the clarity I can describe these things, but it's alot easier when your behind hindsight I guess. When I'm really feeling shit there's just no calling for help or speaking up. It's not that it's difficult, because after all, every experience I had shown that it isn't worth it, everyone will do a whole song-and-dance and "support you"....
But in the end, nothing changed, nothing's fixed, it was just a bother, or even a potential problem and disaster in itself. It just isn't worth it, I just shouldn't.
Regardless, I have this forum now. Your all good in my eyes, and there's actually no potential for things to go terribly wrong, or for the true despair, futility, etc to come out.
