Anyone else have ptsd from childhood abuse and always feel afraid and weak like you’re still a child?

[Kramer]

I get that. But it all started with the abuse. So my therapist wanted to start from there.

I kinda feel uncertain about dying then, but I realize that Emdr won't make my ocd go away. I'd need to do ERP for that and that therapy is worse than the ocd.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

The start of my abuse and trauma.. honestly I say it starts when I was 6 but for what my dad said about my mom it started when I was born.

I've got a lot of trauma based mental illnesses and I too feel far too gone. Nothing works and the meds aren't helping. From family, friends, lovers, teachers, coworkers.. I've dealt with so much awfulness in my near 3 decades of being alive... it is hard to have hope things will get better when I've been through what I've already been through and no escape despite how hard I try.

I've got CPTSD as well as metric boatload of anxiety disorders, bipolar depression, autism, ADD, one or two dissociative disorders.. it's rough being locked in my head. I can't keep all my diagnoses and medications straight because I have so many.

I know this feeling well. And my mind is so fragmented from everything I ended up with alters, with one of them being a small boy. He wants nothing more to be loved, held, and taken care of... the three things I never got as a child.

I've accepted that at this point the only way I can escape is to cash in my free bus ticket voucher and head home.

Ugh I feel this. Family, "friends". teachers, lovers, etc. So many people repeatedly abused me and what sucks is that those monsters all go onto live good lives. Life is never fair and always heads tot he powerful and corrupt while the victims never get justice. Makes me wish I was never born

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I kinda feel uncertain about dying then, but I realize that Emdr won't make my ocd go away. I'd need to do ERP for that and that therapy is worse than the ocd.

I haven't done that therapy...what does it do? ( At least I don't think so, maybe I'm my native language we use a different word)

 

[Kramer]

I haven't done that therapy...what does it do? ( At least I don't think so, maybe I'm my native language we use a different word)

Exposure and response prevention therapy. I had to touch the rim of public toilets (the part underneath the seat) and the rim
of public trash cans. Then I was told to go home and eat my food without washing my hands. So gross. I would rather die than do that therapy again,

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Exposure and response prevention therapy. I had to touch the rim of public toilets (the part underneath the seat) and the rim
of public trash cans. Then I was told to go home and eat my food without washing my hands. So gross. I would rather die than do that therapy again,

I don't think I've ever heard about that kind of therapy... but it probably doesn't help with my "disorders'

I'll ask a friend who has OCD though...it sounds not all that fantastic...

 

[itachi of death]

Yeah hope of meeting a woman, but I realize I'm only able to attract women because of how I look. My personality is timid and doesn't match my look at all and that's where women lose interest. Childhood abuse ruined so much for me. I wish I had died then.

I'm paranoid too. Happiness could just be taken away. I avoided getting a gf as a teen because I thought a guy friend would try and take her from me. People are pretty awful.

I avoid all types of relationships even friendships it was installed in my life at a young age that im a worthless piece of shit and dint deserve anything and to this day afte 20 years I still can't get that thought out of my head

 

[Pho3nix]

I was doing a therapy for it called EMDR but it's bullshit. I'm too far gone. The damage is done. And people like us just attract more abusers.

I've done EMDR too because both my toxic parents have left me a broken person. I found that EMDR didn't do much and the therapist was a useless twat. Their abuse has caused me so much physical and emotional damage that only death is the solution.

 

[Symbiote]

I have days where I felt like I deserved it all. I have the voices of my mom telling me that I enabled her so therefore it's my fault to begin with. My brain rephrases "I felt" to "I am" so either I'm coming to terms that I am a shitty person that deserved it or I am born worthless and have no value in the world.

 

[K-O]

i have cptsd (among other related things) and i was born into psychotic chaotic reality. emotionally mentally physically sexually abused..
lately i went through NLP and SI therapy for ptsd, it was painfull but it did start to help me, i also felt comfortable and safe with my lovely therapist. unfortunatly our relationship had to end cause ive been banned from the rehab facility it took place in.. im looking for new therapy now..

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

what sucks hearing all our stories is that if we were given better parents and a better childhood, things probably would have been much much different

Instead we are forced to carry the burden of pain that was the fault of none of us. We had no control or voice. We were only children. Adults, especially family ,are supposed to love their children and sadly, we were all robbed of parental love. On top of other abuses we have faced from others, we are put in a mind induced hell.

In a way I hope we can all find the peace we so deserve. Whether thats through CTB, or recovery, I hope we get the peace we always deserved.

Im sorry that life failed us all

 

[Aeathelina]

Not physically abused but oppressed, manipulated as a pawn in fucked up game of revenge. Worse bit was I wasn't taught to be a independent person so I anytime I try to be alone I fuck it up. Its just a really fucked up cycle of my life.

 

[Frauw]

I used to feel like that a couple years back, but after being given an opportunity to move away from my parents and force myself into some form of independence I feel as if I've acclimatted to an adult who can do whatever the fuck they want, ctb included .

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I used to feel like that a couple years back, but after being given an opportunity to move away from my parents and force myself into some form of independence I feel as if I've acclimatted to an adult who can do whatever the fuck they want, ctb included .

CTB is a right we all have. I love the last part "ctb included"

 

[shay23]

It's awful:(

Probably why jumping is even scarier for me. A little boy would be horrified at the idea.

Bless you, sending love and light. Your younger years are so impactful, I think the ages from 0-7 are the most influential years. I hope you can find resolution

 

[_Kaira_]

Yup. I like the statement that I feel as though I'm a child stuck in an adult's body. I age physically, not so much mentally. Everything in life is just so terrifying to me, I can barely socially function without looking to people I know to speak for me. I get paranoid and panicky when I'm forced to do everything that is expected of me all myself. It all sucks so much.

 

[Kramer]

Bless you, sending love and light. Your younger years are so impactful, I think the ages from 0-7 are the most influential years. I hope you can find resolution

Those were the years I was abused. Decades of therapy and medication have done nothing.

 

[shay23]

Those were the years I was abused. Decades of therapy and medication have done nothing.

Have you ever tried hypnotherapy? It takes you back to those times, I know that sounds scary and daunting, but you go back and work through all the trauma and pain. The purpose is to forgive yourself and validate your inner child. I am so sorry you were abused, especially at such a young age. I'm proud of you for trying with meds and therapy though! I wish you all the happiness. If you need to talk please feel free to message me!

 

[Hans Voralberg]

I surely have panic attacks because of verbal abuse my father did to me since I end 12 years old.especially when someone scream on me like my father did. It completly screw my mind and even my sexuality. I had no self esteem and self love at all. He literally said to me that he regrets that he married my mom. I used to abuse pornography like a lot since 12 and survived my parents marriage just because I was high on this dopamine rush from this addiction and was hyperfocus from that. Now I'm some kind of Pansexual. Sometimes I still feel like a child when I'm alone. I'm just afraid of constantly living with voices in my head that hurt me. I probably CTB after my mom Death.

 

[Water-Lily]

This 100%. The abuse my fucking mom put me through left me a hollow shell. Thanks to her and other horrible abuse I have faced from bullies, sexual abusers, etc, I feel there is no choice but to die. Therapy can only do so much but with death, the pain will go away for good

Hey old me lol. This was my old account years ago. Interesting seeing my pain back at this point in my life

Well, old me, life is still hard. But its not all bad. You're about to go back to college. Yes, you managed to come to a place where you have direction. You're also a bit more assertive, even to your family. You have come to new realizations about yourself and your behaviors, having more "Aha" moments. You also have processed more repressed memories. It's been a hard road and life will go up and down. I know you're scared of the hard times. But it won't be so bad. Because you'll be alright. You're going to learn to drive and hopefully go to Pennsylvania so you can live on your own away from your current situation.

Remember to be kind to yourself. You're kicking ass. You're gonna be ok

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Yes bullied for pimples age 11, then acne age 14+ leading to being taken advantage of by a south Asian man unaware of their culture etc, and sexual assault Im beyond numb at this point and regret not doing it at 14 when I was braver

I hate myself

 

[Starryeyes]

Yep. Actually so scared of everything it's ridiculous:(