Anyone else have kids and feel like a pos for intending for die?

[WhyamIstillhere]

Does ex have any suggestions for making life copeable? Perhaps taking responsibility for his own behaviors and ceasing his manipulation and douchebaggery?

I don't think their ex is a douchebag for wanting OP to stay alive for their kid's sake. Depending on their age, it really can fuck them up.

 

[EndItQuickly]

Does having a financially dependent loving wife count? If so, yes very much.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I don't think their ex is a douchebag for wanting OP to stay alive for their kid's sake.

I get the misunderstanding here. I was referring to his previous actions, mentioned in other threads.

I get a little defensive on others' behalf when they are disempowered by narcissistic-style manipulation. It's my love language. ❤

 

[escapefromabuse]

Oh yeah. I'm only here because of mine. I feel like an even bigger piece of work because I chose to bring him into the world and failed at giving him the life I always wanted for my kids. I did every possible thing to prevent it, but ended up in an even worse position than I ever thought possible. I feel so much guilt. And shame.

I hear you on this. I've ended up with a 2nd broken family and it was beyond my control. It's gut wrenching for me to have more kids having to suffer a broken home and me being powerless to stop it.

I get the misunderstanding here. I was referring to his previous actions, mentioned in other threads.

I get a little defensive on others' behalf when they are disempowered by narcissistic-style manipulation. It's my love language. ❤

Where were you when I was in the midst of the worst mind fuck I've ever been through?

 

[Ghost2211]

Does having a financially dependent loving wife count? If so, yes very much.

It very much counts (to me at least). I certainly don't know your/her situation, but as a stay at home mom and housewife I know how scary and world shattering it is if the support stops. We may not be children, but we certainly are dependents.

 

[itwillpass]

Oh yeah. I'm only here because of mine. I feel like an even bigger piece of work because I chose to bring him into the world and failed at giving him the life I always wanted for my kids. I did every possible thing to prevent it, but ended up in an even worse position than I ever thought possible. I feel so much guilt. And shame.

The guilt is one of the worst things about it. I should never have had kids. I do my very best for them, taking shit loads of abuse from their mum to protect them. It's not fair on them or me.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I am a mum, I am a POS as I don't give a fuck, I look at each of my children, feel different things, but know they are better without me here, emotionally I am destroying them, that will never change, I won't put them through it, I can't, I won't,

 

[Doodeliedone]

I am so happy to read this and not feel so alone. I got 2 kids and my oldest can't see his dad because his influences would be bad and my kid wouldn't ever succeed in life. My other kid has the luck that she can see her dad which if it was that way for both of them, it wouldn't be so hard to leave. But to think for my oldest one to have no parent at all breaks my heart and keeps me here even tho I'm way to depressed to give them joy in their life at this point. Feel like I am at a crossroad all the time to figure out what is best for them and then in the last place for myself. Do I want them to remember me as a mom who was selfish and left them or selfish for not being able to give them the best care, joy, fun they deserve because I am far off the mother that I want to be. It's hard.

 

[l0sing]

My children have always been the reason I've not done it but at the moment im being faced with my eldest being put with his father permanently (which he doesn't want because he hates it at his dads) and there's talk of my new born forcibly being put up for adoption if my parents cause have him full time. All because of one other persons actions, and even though im innocent and basically everyone knows that, they still won't let me have them back until a judge makes a final decision. I've already told people if the judge decides they can't come home, I'm going to ctb. Why would I want to live my life and see my children raised by someone else and not know me? It breaks my heart.

 

[magick'sgone]

I think it's a little unfair to be labelling the ex as manipulative, a bad guy, and all that. How is he expected to react? He is expressing what he believes to be a fact. It could be said that disclosing suicidal intent in such circumstances is a form of manipulation. We know that not to be the case, but it could be claimed. He's given primary custody to the mother and is prepared to support these children financially. Can someone please point out what makes him so bad\manipulative please?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think it's a little unfair to be labelling the ex as manipulative, a bad guy, and all that. How is he expected to react? He is expressing what he believes to be a fact. It could be said that disclosing suicidal intent in such circumstances is a form of manipulation. We know that not to be the case, but it could be claimed. He's given primary custody to the mother and is prepared to support these children financially. Can someone please point out what makes him so bad\manipulative please?

To address your last question, I previously responded to someone with the same misunderstanding, you may have overlooked. :)

I get the misunderstanding here. I was referring to his previous actions, mentioned in other threads.

I'm confused by the quoted statement I italicized. Could you clarify what you meant?

 

[Cleversusie]

Ex won't stop telling me it will destroy the kids. I don't want to hurt them I just can't cope with life.

Anyone else in this position? How are you feeling about leaving the kids? Are you alive for them?

I'm a single mum to a 17 year old, his dad is already dead (drugs) and that's the only reason I'm still here although I have had 3 attempts 2 overdoses and tried to jump of a bridge but someone tackled me to the ground. The state that he was in after my attempts has made me unsure of whether I should do it or not, I want to be really selfish and do it but I do worry about him he will be totally alone. I feel trapped here.

 

[magick'sgone]

To address your last question, I previously responded to someone with the same misunderstanding, you may have overlooked. :)



I'm confused by the quoted statement I italicized. Could you clarify what you meant?

Ok, I don't know OP's exact circumstance so please take this as a general example of how things that aren't intended to be used as manipulation could be misconstrued as such. ‎

The bit in italics was just to illustrate the point that we perhaps often choose what we consider manipulative depending on whether or not they fit our narrative.

Let's say that you and I had been in a relationship that produced 2 children. Over time our relationship changed and eventually came to an end, as many do. You have since found a new partner and things are going pretty sweet, whereas I have not, and am quite bummed out about the way it's gone. Ideally for you, we would share parenting responsibilities and otherwise get on with our own separate but permanently connected lives. However, I now let you know that I'm having serious problems with my mental health and am considering killing myself. Our children will soon be only your children. You will need to one day explain to them (and many other people over the years) why they have one parent. They will probably want to know what caused this tragic event. ‎
‎
This could be viewed as manipulative behaviour in the same way that you trying to convince me not to do it due to the harm it will cause could be.

I'm pretty tired and not sure if that makes sense.

I only make a point of highlighting this because I've seen friends of mine affected by similar circumstances. I've known 2 people who have had ex partners whom they have children with (one instance the male, the other the female) tell them they are going to kill themselves.
It put them in such a fucked up predicament and they did not know how to respond. They felt like the other person's life had been placed in their hands. One wrong comment and it could be the last thing you say to someone you once loved.
Both people resorted to telling the suicidal ex that their family members would be devestated if they did die and to think of the people who loved them. To us those words have become quite meaningless, but I can assure you that these people had no intentions of manipulation. They had been forced into saying them because they were mentally healthy people being dragged into unfamiliar territory.

Sorry, I've waffled on here. Excuse the formatting, I'm on my phone and tired AF. This isn't aimed at OP at all. Her's seems like a difficult situation for all those involved and I wish her the very best. It's always extra sad when kids are involved. ‎
‎
‎
‎

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Ok, I don't know OP's exact circumstance so please take this as a general example of how things that aren't intended to be used as manipulation could be misconstrued as such. ‎

The bit in italics was just to illustrate the point that we perhaps often choose what we consider manipulative depending on whether or not they fit our narrative.

Let's say that you and I had been in a relationship that produced 2 children. Over time our relationship changed and eventually came to an end, as many do. You have since found a new partner and things are going pretty sweet, whereas I have not, and am quite bummed out about the way it's gone. Ideally for you, we would share parenting responsibilities and otherwise get on with our own separate but permanently connected lives. However, I now let you know that I'm having serious problems with my mental health and am considering killing myself. Our children will soon be only your children. You will need to one day explain to them (and many other people over the years) why they have one parent. They will probably want to know what caused this tragic event. ‎
‎
This could be viewed as manipulative behaviour in the same way that you trying to convince me not to do it due to the harm it will cause could be.

I'm pretty tired and not sure if that makes sense.

I only make a point of highlighting this because I've seen friends of mine affected by similar circumstances. I've known 2 people who have had ex partners whom they have children with (one instance the male, the other the female) tell them they are going to kill themselves.
It put them in such a fucked up predicament and they did not know how to respond. They felt like the other person's life had been placed in their hands. One wrong comment and it could be the last thing you say to someone you once loved.
Both people resorted to telling the suicidal ex that their family members would be devestated if they did die and to think of the people who loved them. To us those words have become quite meaningless, but I can assure you that these people had no intentions of manipulation. They had been forced into saying them because they were mentally healthy people being dragged into unfamiliar territory.

Sorry, I've waffled on here. Excuse the formatting, I'm on my phone and tired AF. This isn't aimed at OP at all. Her's seems like a difficult situation for all those involved and I wish her the very best. It's always extra sad when kids are involved. ‎
‎
‎
‎

I want to gently point out that you misquoted me. The middle paragraph was added, I did not say it. Would you please be so kind as to remove it from the quote and, if they are your words, place them in the text of your post? If they are another's words, would you please attribute them separately from mine? Thank you.

 

[magick'sgone]

Yeah I don't know why it has appeared like that, I tried to quote 2 bits separately, with my own statement between.

 

[Ghost2211]

Ok, I don't know OP's exact circumstance so please take this as a general example of how things that aren't intended to be used as manipulation could be misconstrued as such. ‎

The bit in italics was just to illustrate the point that we perhaps often choose what we consider manipulative depending on whether or not they fit our narrative.

Let's say that you and I had been in a relationship that produced 2 children. Over time our relationship changed and eventually came to an end, as many do. You have since found a new partner and things are going pretty sweet, whereas I have not, and am quite bummed out about the way it's gone. Ideally for you, we would share parenting responsibilities and otherwise get on with our own separate but permanently connected lives. However, I now let you know that I'm having serious problems with my mental health and am considering killing myself. Our children will soon be only your children. You will need to one day explain to them (and many other people over the years) why they have one parent. They will probably want to know what caused this tragic event. ‎
‎
This could be viewed as manipulative behaviour in the same way that you trying to convince me not to do it due to the harm it will cause could be.

I'm pretty tired and not sure if that makes sense.

I only make a point of highlighting this because I've seen friends of mine affected by similar circumstances. I've known 2 people who have had ex partners whom they have children with (one instance the male, the other the female) tell them they are going to kill themselves.
It put them in such a fucked up predicament and they did not know how to respond. They felt like the other person's life had been placed in their hands. One wrong comment and it could be the last thing you say to someone you once loved.
Both people resorted to telling the suicidal ex that their family members would be devestated if they did die and to think of the people who loved them. To us those words have become quite meaningless, but I can assure you that these people had no intentions of manipulation. They had been forced into saying them because they were mentally healthy people being dragged into unfamiliar territory.

Sorry, I've waffled on here. Excuse the formatting, I'm on my phone and tired AF. This isn't aimed at OP at all. Her's seems like a difficult situation for all those involved and I wish her the very best. It's always extra sad when kids are involved. ‎
‎
‎
‎

A couple things I want to point out...

1. I didn't want help, or to negotiate. I said I WILL kill myself, and get your shit together before it happens.
2. It would have been easier if he didnt believe me as serious since then I could be dead by now.
3. I am not accepting offers of money, custody, or trying our relationship again. I just want to die, and want him to get things in order.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@magick'sgone

I want to make sure I understand.

I think it's a little unfair to be labelling the ex as manipulative, a bad guy, and all that. How is he expected to react? He is expressing what he believes to be a fact. It could be said that disclosing suicidal intent in such circumstances is a form of manipulation. We know that not to be the case, but it could be claimed.

I initially perceived the quote as follows:

•Your opinion was that OP's ex has been treated unfairly on this thread by being labeled as manipulative.
•You seemed to me to have entered his mind and stated what he said and believed.
•You seemed to me to defend him by turning the tables: that it could be claimed someone could manipulate by disclosing suicidal intent.
• You stated we know OP did not do this, but it could be claimed. I wondered, by whom, then?
• If you and we know this, then it appears to me that you created a straw man ex and a straw man OP, in which the straw man ex was now a victim and the straw man OP was now a perpetrator.

Because I interpreted this as a passive accusation, yet also heard your claim that OP was innocent, I was confused by the contradictory statements and asked for clarification. You were kind enough to respond:

Ok, I don't know OP's exact circumstance so please take this as a general example of how things that aren't intended to be used as manipulation could be misconstrued as such. ‎

I perceive your response may address the straw scenario.

The bit in italics [what I quoted at the beginning of this post] was just to illustrate the point that we perhaps often choose what we consider manipulative depending on whether or not they fit our narrative.

Whenever I see "we" and "our" and I don't want to be included because I am autonomous, I rephrase it so that I can better understand the speaker's autonomous perspective and better hear them. So I rephrase it to hear you say:

"The bit in italics was just to illustrate the point that I perhaps often choose what I consider manipulative depending on whether or not they fit my narrative."

That narrative follows in the next paragraph, which is in the following quoted text below. Your post addressed me. You created an imaginary scenario in which you and I are in an imaginary relationship and we share two children. I assume they are ridiculously attractive, intelligent, and talented, like off the charts. Our relationship ends, I find a new partner, you do not. I am happy, you are sad. You determine for me in this imaginary scenario that what I consider ideal is that we share parenting responsibilities but lead separate albeit connected lives. You advise me that you are having serious mental health problems and are considering suicide. I will soon be the sole parent and will be responsible for explaining to them and to others why they only have one parent, your death is a tragic event, and our children will likely want to know the cause.

Let's say that you and I had been in a relationship that produced 2 children. Over time our relationship changed and eventually came to an end, as many do. You have since found a new partner and things are going pretty sweet, whereas I have not, and am quite bummed out about the way it's gone. Ideally for you, we would share parenting responsibilities and otherwise get on with our own separate but permanently connected lives. However, I now let you know that I'm having serious problems with my mental health and am considering killing myself. Our children will soon be only your children. You will need to one day explain to them (and many other people over the years) why they have one parent. They will probably want to know what caused this tragic event. ‎

Then you say:
‎

This could be viewed as manipulative behaviour in the same way that you trying to convince me not to do it due to the harm it will cause could be.

Well, so far I haven't seen any evidence of manipulation on your part. You were unhappy about the breakup. You advised me that you are having serious mental health problems and are considering suicide, but you didn't mention anything about the breakup or me, only yourself. You didn't try to persuade me of anything.

If I tried to convince you to survive due to the harm I would cause, that would not be manipulation but persuasion.

I want to say here, I've been on this thread from the start, and I think you're missing a lot of backstory from previous threads about the OP and her ex. Rightly or wrongly, based on those previous threads, I am the one who initiated the accusation of manipulation as a contributing factor in OP's desire to ctb, and when he wanted her to live, I rhetorically asked if he would be willing to change his manipulative behavior in order to make living feasible. I don't recall anyone on the thread saying his attempt to persuade her to live was manipulative.

Does that make better sense of things for you? As I said before in a previous post, I can see where there has been confusion.

I only make a point of highlighting this because I've seen friends of mine affected by similar circumstances. I've known 2 people who have had ex partners whom they have children with (one instance the male, the other the female) tell them they are going to kill themselves.
It put them in such a fucked up predicament and they did not know how to respond. They felt like the other person's life had been placed in their hands. One wrong comment and it could be the last thing you say to someone you once loved.
Both people resorted to telling the suicidal ex that their family members would be devestated if they did die and to think of the people who loved them. To us those words have become quite meaningless, but I can assure you that these people had no intentions of manipulation. They had been forced into saying them because they were mentally healthy people being dragged into unfamiliar territory.

What I take from this is that you were personally affected by situations with some correlation, and which caused strong emotional reactions for you, such that you conflated these people you loved with the OP's ex, and wanted to defend him to the point of almost-but-not-quite villanizing the OP, passively implying she intended to manipulate and has serious mental health issues. Creating straw men and imaginary situations created plausible deniability that you were doing so. Also, you claimed your friends were mentally healthy; OP's ex displays narcissistic traits, as discussed in previous posts. The situations simply are not the same.

Sorry, I've waffled on here. Excuse the formatting, I'm on my phone and tired AF. This isn't aimed at OP at all. Her's seems like a difficult situation for all those involved and I wish her the very best. It's always extra sad when kids are involved. ‎

You end by claiming it was not directed at OP, but if not her, then who? At yourself as my imaginary ex-partner? At the exes of your friends? This closing returns to my initial perceptions and confusion that your statements are contradictory -- both passive accusation and absolution of any wrongdoing.

I keep in mind that I am not you, I have only perceptions based on what I've read and engaged with here, and I may be in error. What I perceive is that you were deeply affected by those other two situations and brought them here, and that they are the basis of the straw men situations you created to knock down because you were powerless to knock them down in real life.

I am so sorry you went through that, truly.

But the OP, her ex, and their kids are a totally different set of people in totally different circumstances. The thread is not about the people you knew, or how bad you wanna have my babies (j/k, a little humor).

I've made a lot of effort to understand what was happening here. I perceive you have been conflicted, and understandably so. Please forgive me for any error.



‎
‎
‎

 

[Ghost2211]

@magick'sgone

I want to make sure I understand.



I initially perceived the quote as follows:

•Your opinion was that OP's ex has been treated unfairly on this thread by being labeled as manipulative.
•You seemed to me to have entered his mind and stated what he said and believed.
•You seemed to me to defend him by turning the tables: that it could be claimed someone could manipulate by disclosing suicidal intent.
• You stated we know OP did not do this, but it could be claimed. I wondered, by whom, then?
• If you and we know this, then it appears to me that you created a straw man ex and a straw man OP, in which the straw man ex was now a victim and the straw man OP was now a perpetrator.

Because I interpreted this as a passive accusation, yet also heard your claim that OP was innocent, I was confused by the contradictory statements and asked for clarification. You were kind enough to respond:



I perceive your response may address the straw scenario.



Whenever I see "we" and "our" and I don't want to be included because I am autonomous, I rephrase it so that I can better understand the speaker's autonomous perspective and better hear them. So I rephrase it to hear you say:

"The bit in italics was just to illustrate the point that I perhaps often choose what I consider manipulative depending on whether or not they fit my narrative."

That narrative follows in the next paragraph, which is in the following quoted text below. Your post addressed me. You created an imaginary scenario in which you and I are in an imaginary relationship and we share two children. I assume they are ridiculously attractive, intelligent, and talented, like off the charts. Our relationship ends, I find a new partner, you do not. I am happy, you are sad. You determine for me in this imaginary scenario that what I consider ideal is that we share parenting responsibilities but lead separate albeit connected lives. You advise me that you are having serious mental health problems and are considering suicide. I will soon be the sole parent and will be responsible for explaining to them and to others why they only have one parent, your death is a tragic event, and our children will likely want to know the cause.



Then you say:
‎


Well, so far I haven't seen any evidence of manipulation on your part. You were unhappy about the breakup. You advised me that you are having serious mental health problems and are considering suicide, but you didn't mention anything about the breakup or me, only yourself. You didn't try to persuade me of anything.

If I tried to convince you to survive due to the harm I would cause, that would not be manipulation but persuasion.

I want to say here, I've been on this thread from the start, and I think you're missing a lot of backstory from previous threads about the OP and her ex. Rightly or wrongly, based on those previous threads, I am the one who initiated the accusation of manipulation as a contributing factor in OP's desire to ctb, and when he wanted her to live, I rhetorically asked if he would be willing to change his manipulative behavior in order to make living feasible. I don't recall anyone on the thread saying his attempt to persuade her to live was manipulative.

Does that make better sense of things for you? As I said before in a previous post, I can see where there has been confusion.



What I take from this is that you were personally affected by situations with some correlation, and which caused strong emotional reactions for you, such that you conflated these people you loved with the OP's ex, and wanted to defend him to the point of almost-but-not-quite villanizing the OP, passively implying she intended to manipulate and has serious mental health issues. Creating straw men and imaginary situations created plausible deniability that you were doing so. Also, you claimed your friends were mentally healthy; OP's ex displays narcissistic traits, as discussed in previous posts. The situations simply are not the same.



You end by claiming it was not directed at OP, but if not her, then who? At yourself as my imaginary ex-partner? At the exes of your friends? This closing returns to my initial perceptions and confusion that your statements are contradictory -- both passive accusation and absolution of any wrongdoing.

I keep in mind that I am not you, I have only perceptions based on what I've read and engaged with here, and I may be in error. What I perceive is that you were deeply affected by those other two situations and brought them here, and that they are the basis of the straw men situations you created to knock down because you were powerless to knock them down in real life.

I am so sorry you went through that, truly.

But the OP, her ex, and their kids are a totally different set of people in totally different circumstances. The thread is not about the people you knew, or how bad you wanna have my babies (j/k, a little humor).

I've made a lot of effort to understand what was happening here. I perceive you have been conflicted, and understandably so. Please forgive me for any error.



‎
‎
‎

Oh my, that was a fun read :)

I must say though Ex knows my desire to ctb stems from the us issues, oh well.

I am quite interested in your attractive intelligent theoretical children meeting my equally attractive intelligent children for a play date, and perhaps a lifelong friendship that heads to marriage and halfling children of real and theoretical parents.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Oh my, that was a fun read :)

I must say though Ex knows my desire to ctb stems from the us issues, oh well.

I am quite interested in your attractive intelligent theoretical children meeting my equally attractive intelligent children for a play date, and perhaps a lifelong friendship that heads to marriage and halfling children of real and theoretical parents.

Haha you made me giggle. Glad I entertained.

I found your comment about your ex confusing though. Interested in clarifying? Not quite sure who it was directed to or what it responded to.

 

[Ghost2211]

Haha you made me giggle. Glad I entertained.

I found your comment about your ex confusing though. Interested in clarifying? Not quite sure who it was directed to or what it responded to.

Just that I can see how one could just to the conclusion of manipulation based on the fact that I didn't make my reasoning secretive. In the end I think most of us will get accused of manipulating or attention seeking sooner or later.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Just that I can see how one could just to the conclusion of manipulation based on the fact that I didn't make my reasoning secretive. In the end I think most of us will get accused of manipulating or attention seeking sooner or later.

So now I'm more confused, went back to your most recent post:

A couple things I want to point out...

1. I didn't want help, or to negotiate. I said I WILL kill myself, and get your shit together before it happens.
2. It would have been easier if he didnt believe me as serious since then I could be dead by now.
3. I am not accepting offers of money, custody, or trying our relationship again. I just want to die, and want him to get things in order.

Regarding #1, did you actually use ctb as leverage to make him change his behavior, or were you warning him it was already decided and he had to get shit in order? Because it really sounds, based on the conversation in this thread, and on #2, that you used it as leverage. And that contradicts #3, as well as what you said in earlier posts on this thread. From other posts, it seems like you are actively preparing to ctb.

It seems like you've used coercion on him, and narc or not, that's some serious shit. Am I misinterpreting something?

 

[Ghost2211]

So now I'm more confused, went back to your most recent post:



Regarding #1, did you actually use ctb as leverage to make him change his behavior, or were you warning him it was already decided and he had to get shit in order? Because it really sounds, based on the conversation in this thread, and on #2, that you used it as leverage. And that contradicts #3, as well as what you said in earlier posts on this thread. From other posts, it seems like you are actively preparing to ctb.

It seems like you've used coercion on him, and narc or not, that's some serious shit. Am I misinterpreting something?

ok, so... I told him my intentions to ctb to help him get things into place. When he asked why I want to die I answered him honestly. The primary reasons were the loss of family, relationship, and stability. That means it is a direct connection to him, but I also want nothing from him. I don't want to gain anything from him knowing the reasoning, but the reasoning was very obvious based on timing.

The only way I used ctb to change his behavior was to get him to be nicer to me. He was being cold and short with me, and it was making me impulsive so I told him I wanted to die and he was making it worse. He's offered everything under the sun to stick around, but quite frankly I can't since it would look intentional. Seems better to just throw in the towel then get accused plotting down the road. I didn't honestly think he would care if I die based on how he was treating me.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

The only way I used ctb to change his behavior was to get him to be nicer to me. He was being cold and short with me, and it was making me impulsive so I told him I wanted to die and he was making it worse.

Yeah, that's kinda rough. If he changed, it's because he's owning your feelings, not his behavior. Then you have to keep manipulating and coercing to get your wants and needs met. From the earliest thread, the way he changed toward you, from putting you on a pedestal to blaming you, indicates he is not stable. You're playing with fire. This could end up a lot worse than you attempting ctb. I still recommend you contact a domestic violence service for advice and will leave it at that.

I'm going to step out of this now. I feel very uncomfortable with the situation and there's nothing I can fix, nor should I. I'm going to tend my own yard. I sincerely wish for your well-being, happiness, and safety. Take care.

 

[Ghost2211]

Yeah, that's kinda rough. If he changed, it's because he's owning your feelings, not his behavior. Then you have to keep manipulating and coercing to get your wants and needs met. From the earliest thread, the way he changed toward you, from putting you on a pedestal to blaming you, indicates he is not stable. You're playing with fire. This could end up a lot worse than you attempting ctb. I still recommend you contact a domestic violence service for advice and will leave it at that.

I'm going to step out of this now. I feel very uncomfortable with the situation and there's nothing I can fix, nor should I. I'm going to tend my own yard. I sincerely wish for your well-being, happiness, and safety. Take care.

I won't be around much longer.

Meto will arrive Saturday. That's the last piece of the puzzle I need. Then I will be free of all the pain and bs. The end is so close I can taste it.

 

[Lostandfound7]

I don't have children yet, but I feel like a huge pos for even considering leaving my poor lil doggie..lol..she would prob find the canine SS Forum..with onions n chocolate as a ctb method..*face palm*

 

[magick'sgone]

Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed analysis. Sadly I won't be able to make an appropriate response until next week as I'm currently working away from home. The thought of doing it on my phone isn't a pleasant one! Perhaps I should move it to another thread, this might not be the right place for it anymore. I would PM it to you but I have a feeling you could interpret it as some kind of psychological tactic designed to advance closer to my ultimate goal of convincing you to be my baby factory.

 

[listeningpost1379]

you're not a pos! not at all! your life is your own to decide. sorry for sounding cheesy i know your feelings can't be helped, sorry for what you've been through. wishing you peace.

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

I debate killing myself daily. My daughter is the only reason I am still here.

 

[BrokenMess]

I can completely relate to this. I have two children, a boy and a girl, 8 and 10 years old. They are my world. Most of the time I believe I am failing them miserably since my depression sucked the life out of me 2 years ago. I dont want to live anymore but keep telling myself maybe tomorrow will be better, only to have tomorrow be worse. I think what is holding me back the most are the statistics about a parent that commits suicide. Children are way more likely to commit suicide too at some point in their life if a parent has successfully died by suicide. As a mother, knowing this fact, I feel responsible to be here and not be the cause of their own suicides later in life. But it doesn't make living any more enjoyable. The thoughts are still there, the desire still there. I just dont want my kids to have the same fate so I stay.

 

[S1mpleme]

I wish I had kids, I would never CTB.